I am sexually demanding. I acknowledge that and will rarely make apologies for it. So when I demanded sex on a daily basis before agreeing to marriage, it was a clear expectation.
And then the military gets him more than I do….
I am patient, understanding, waiting; always waiting.
And then he actually had a whole four days off. I was wet just thinking about it. I told him all the things I wanted us to do. Expressed the desire to be mindless from so many orgasms. We had no kids for the holiday, I took out our ties and proudly kept them on our bed posts. This was not going to be our normal routine, obligatory sex. Oh, no sir.
And then reality set in, like his exhaustion from actually having time off. So when I demanded, and he agreed, the sex was good, I still wanted it. But I wanted a partner who wants me just as fiercely. This has been a battle in every relationship; it is clearly an internal conflict at this point in my life.
It’s not about love. He loves me with an intensity that is unquestionable. It is a separate, and still important, ingredient in our relationship. I need to feel desired. Even after three times throughout the day, I want to be played with, touched, pulled towards, thrown on the bed and fucked senseless, even if we were just there minutes ago. We don’t have many opportunities to be spontaneous, languorous.
It’s not about adequacy. With the merest of touches, he pushes buttons and an orgasm gushes. But I wanted an urgency, a fervent lust, a physical worship, a need like breath. I didn’t want the one-sided initiation every time. I wanted out of our routine….