Reading the article, In Hookups, Inequality Still Reigns, I found myself disagreeing with many things. Oh, that’s not to say I was doubting the findings (though all findings are towards a bias or agenda), it’s just that the article didn’t ring true with me.
For one, I can orgasm from vaginal penetration – indeed the first time that’s how it’s most often going to happen. For another, I will communicate, even the first time, even with a casual hookup something unsexy like “my foot fell asleep, let’s change positions,”.
This article was stating that women most often orgasm in more committed relationships than others, mostly due to the emotional ties, but then mostly goes into the physical whys – which I more agreed with. The thing I did find myself agreeing with is that a more serious relationship has the advantage of a partner knowing the road map of that individual’s preferences. They know the pleasure zones, the sensitive zones, the off-limits or ticklish zones. So of course, under this context, a more serious relationship does have the orgasm advantage.
I personally have never been in a hookup where I felt that the man did not try to please me equally -if not more- than himself. I am quite sure these self centered encounters do happen, but they haven’t happened to me. And I have had many casual contacts. The articles makes it seems as if the majority of hookups are onesided on the man’s pleasure.
Another thing, however, I found myself nodded at was that casual sex is more of a bandaid of the perception of shared intimacy to get me through the week when I would not have that otherwise. And casual sex isn’t always about achieving orgasm; however, if I found that I wasn’t on a consistent basis, I don’t think that I would personally pursue the casual hookup. While not the ultimate goal, an orgasm is a thing I would miss dearly if I couldn’t achieve it time after time.
There is something so appealing about the unknown, about the power of turning a stranger on. Of hesitant and brief eye contact, of nervous intakes of breath, of shaking and unsure hands roaming, trying to find boundaries, excited at the prospect of no barriers, tentative touches, soft and exploring kisses, clothes being shed in such unfamiliar and awkward stages, discover what makes a person hot, giving them body or verbal cues to what ignites my own passion. Casual encounters are ridicously sexy in their newness. I love exploring unfamiliar territory, feel empowered by my ability to seduce and please a stranger.