For those that don’t know: milso is short for military spouse or significant other. It is not always a great role. I am speaking as wife towards a military husband, but I recognize that some spouses are men.
I have suffered panic, a feeling of crisis, just being a spouse. I don’t like to cook, make the same meals, which are passable. Cleaning; again passable, and when I become sad, not even then. I manage laundry, that doesn’t change, thank goodness.
I never do my hair and makeup. Greet him with ugly hair, bland face, baggy pajamas. And rarely with a smile, he comes home to a wife asleep. I have a career; it starts early when the moon is still out. Leaves me drained, I don’t want to do anything after. But because the military doesn’t share him, I’ve got to be both parents, cook, cleaner, organizer, mover.
What then makes a good wife? 1950s standard still applies to so many people’s expectations. Don’t hear a husband concerned with juggling career, family and domestic issues, especially military where career is mandatory first.
He doesn’t even have the option of worrying about any of those things. He can’t. So it’s left to me to be concerned about children’s emotional and health well being, their academic progress. The house is one hundred percent my domain.
When he became interested in a woman who is the definition of a perfect domestic goddess from 1950’s, I felt threatened. Not in my role as lover, but in role as wife. So I needed to re-evaluate what to me, and not anyone’s else, definition of a good wife was. And then of course, I couldn’t help but look for more guidance.
A good wife, to me, will communicate constantly with her spouse and listen respectfully. She will support the good ideas and offer her opinions at others. She will compromise except the to the hard limit of herself. She will encourage intimacy. She will push to do her best and push her spouse to do the same. She makes a house feel like home – equally reflecting them, their memories, and filling it with love. She will love her spouse. She will trust and will likewise be honest. She will accept who he is. She will work towards a shared dream. She will encourage and respect her partner. She will put her spouse second only to herself.
So to the web to continue:
How to Be a Good Wife (I liked this one)
v Communicate Effectively
- Express your Feeling and Needs
- Pick your battles
- Be understanding – don’t fight angry
- Talk to him, not about him
v Be Accepting
- Set Realistic Expectations
- Don’t try to change him
- Roll with the changes
- Accept kids change relationships
- Accept mutual mistakes
v Be a Good Companion
- meet his needs without compromising your own
- Be his best friend
- Create shared dreams
- Maintain your own identity
- Work Together to Manage Stress
v Make Time for Romance
- Make time for date night
- Schedule sex
- Kiss passionately
- Make bedroom a sanctuary for sex
Time for religious studies:
Proverbs: The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.
Corinthians: Do not deprive one another (of conjugal rights), except perhaps by agreement for a limited time
Ephesians: let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband
Titus: women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands (ugh, this one grates on my nerves for some reason)
CafeMom: A good wife is a wife of “noble character”. Her husband has full confidence in her, and lacks nothing. She is her husband’s good fortune, and because of that she brings him good and no harm all the days of her life. She can make sound investments and makes sure her whole house is fed and clothed. She is not an idle person, but she diligently keeps herself busy about her own home and her own affairs. She knows how to manage her time and make the most of each day, she’s not lazy. She is always available to those in need and to her family, therefore, her night light stays on. She is a woman that dresses her heart with prayer for others and for herself, she understands that God is the one who keeps her and her household. She is strong and wise, and faithfully instructs her children. Her children and her husband praise her and thank God for her. Her works bring her praise. (nope, this isn’t me)
And Military Studies:
Disclaimer: I thought it was obvious, but I’ll explain. This is not what I think is a good military wife. It was the ideal I was told to strive for, and I wholeheartedly disagree.
Warning: Harsh Language
The definition of a “good” military wife is pretty much the same as the definition of a “good” wife. Someone who does whatever her husband says. She is someone who is quite and does not bother her husband. She is someone who is pretty, graceful, skinny, and doesn’t speak her mind so her husband can take her to parties without being afraid of repercussion. She is sexy, but not sexual.
She is agreeable, doesn’t complain no matter what happens to her, and is all about her husband’s career. She always puts aside her wants and needs for her husbands career. If something bad happens to her she always thinks of her husband’s career first, and doesn’t do anything about it if it could in anyway make the military or her husband look bad.
If her husband hits her she is quiet because she wouldn’t want anything to happen to her husbands rank or what his superiors think of him. If her husband starts abusing drugs and/or alcohol she will say nothing, because his career comes before her and everyone’s safety.
If the military does something wrong to her and her husband she mustn’t say a word. She must bend over and let the big fat cock of the military fuck her in the ass in a last futile act to save her husbands career. And when that’s over she must remain quiet because it’s not like anyone would believe what the military did to her and her husband anyway. (gosh I agree with so much of this the majority of the time, this does seem to be the expectation)
Military couples put duty first — not their marriages.
Military spouses can lose their sense of self, since their partners’ career of service often takes precedence over theirs.
Military spouses can have a harder time finding work than their partners who served.
Military couples can’t plan anything in advance — not even their kids’ birthday parties — which can continually test their marriages.
The logistical aspects of being a military spouse can be a welcome distraction from the fact that your spouse could die at any moment.
Homecomings might be happy, but they aren’t easy on either spouse.
Married service members can’t share details of their work with their spouses, which can be frustrating to both partners. (yep to all the above)
So there we go, such a broad reflection of what it means to be a good wife, some of which I agree, and others I do not. I do feel, however, much better in deciding on my own what it means to be a good wife.