Apr 302015
 

Z: Our last entry for the A to Z Challenge, Z is for zipper – the most frustrating design to clothing at times.

I am naked, lying in bed beside you, propped up on one elbow. As I’m kissing you, my hands roam freely over your smooth skin – caressing the side of your face, trailing down the side of your neck, feeling the muscles bunched in your arms as you also touch me, stroking your broad expanse of chest, fingertips following the slightly hairy trail on your belly – all to be stopped by blockade of fabric around your waist.

I tugged the button undone but you stopped me before I reached the zipper. One hand encircled my wrist to halt my progress as the other hand wound itself in my hair and continued to forcefully kiss me.

I forgot my mission for awhile.

When we come up for breath, my fingertips again skimmed down and touched the cold metal clutching the fabric shield. I felt your hardness, your desire for me, as I groped for the zipper to pull down.

Again, I am pulled away, distracted.

This is a dance we do from time to time: me – fully naked, you – insisting on keeping your pants just to thwart my intentions.

With one quick tug, I could have that damn zipper down, the pants peeling to the sides, and you exposed to my view, my touch, my mouth.

You are glorious to view, my fingers twitch to feel how hard you are, and my mouth waters at the thought of tasting you.

But you insist on frustrating me.

And your zipper aids your wicked plan.

 Posted by at 8:36 am
Apr 292015
 

Y: for our A to Z Challenge, Y is for Yes!

Molly poses an interesting question of writing about “not what makes you feel sexy but what is sexy about you?”. As I read, I tried to think if I could answer this challenging question. And I was tempted to cheat and read some things that make me sexy from my husband to incorporate it into my answer – but her point was a self reflection and validation, not an external source.

I find that when I question what I view as sexy in others and then apply it to myself, I can answer yes to a lot of same traits.

What makes me sexy?

I am sexy – though I don’t always feel so.

I am self confident – and confidence is ridiculously sexy.

I am strong – I have been through things in my life that make me never doubt my ability physically, mentally, emotionally.

I am creative – a handy tool for sexy play.

I am independent – to bend me to another’s will is sight to behold but I don’t need it, I can handle myself and normally others.

My body is soft and curvy – such a wonderful feeling to sink into, and curves…mmm.

My body is resilient – I have given birth, had injuries, lost and gain weight and I am aware of my physical limitations.

My body is active – I engage in rough (and not rough) sex, wrestle, hike, do yoga, lift weights, and a host of other activities.

I am curious – this makes me get out of routines and comfort zones and explore in an adventurous way.

I am decisive – I tend to know what I want and what I’m willing to compromise quickly.

I am vocal – I will tell what my limits are, what my happiness is, what has made me upset or frustrated; I don’t expect anyone to be able to read my mind. Someone will know when I am orgasming or is touching me in the right way.

I am intelligent – and that is such a sexy trait to me.

I am an active listener – and being heard creates a connection that few other things do.

I am honest – trustworthiness is an important factor in connecting to another for me.

I am positive – if something isn’t okay I will do my best to communicate that in a proactive but positive way. Likewise, I am likely to go up to a stranger and compliment them. Negative attitudes are the opposite of sexy (which isn’t to say that I am always happy).

I am an active lover – I will not lie down and passively let someone be intimate with me; I will take a very active part in the process.

I have a sense of humor – and laughter is sexy.

I am kind – because being a bitch or cold right off the bat isn’t sexy (unless that’s what someone wants).

  • Long Term Sexy Factors:

I let things go – I don’t hold grudges. I tell myself I can “get over it, or get bitter over it,” and why would I ever choose to get bitter? Big issues: I will remove myself from the situation, as I cannot get over everything, but I can choose to disengage.

Sex is my cure-all – having a partner who has a button that (when pushed) forgives, forgets arguments, releases anger, feels better when sad, and other such negativities is such a great feature; I wish I could find it on someone else. It’s sexy, and it lets a couple have a “time out” when needed to break any tension. The button is sex, by the way.

I am not these things because others view them as sexy. This is what I find turns me on and I also find it within myself; if given more time, I could add to this list, as I find many things sexy. In looking back, very few qualities are of a physical variety, and I truly do view physical as being a smaller part of the sexy puzzle.

I am not going to be everyone’s idea of sexy, not even close. I do not strive to change myself in such ways as to make everyone happy and no one could be desirable to all.

I am also aware of my faults and shortcomings (some days all too aware of them). But this post is about embracing what makes me sexy.

 Posted by at 8:06 am
Apr 282015
 

X is for X Factor… Sometimes, the crazy ex really IS crazy…

Not long ago I had a pretty painful breakup. It was a lot to deal with, and I struggled with bad depression. There was a lot of crying and hiding from the world. My friends all encouraged me to go on casual dates just to get out of the house. While I was still not wanting to get involved, I figured socializing wouldn’t hurt.

I went out to dinner with a very nice man. It was fun, the conversation pleasant. He was just getting separated from his “crazy” wife, and with my recent breakup, it seemed like we could go out and not be pressured into something neither of us was ready for. We got along so well in fact, that he invited me over the next day to have some wine and hang out.

He’s a father of two small children, and it was his time with them. I wasn’t very comfortable with being around the kids so soon, but we scheduled for after bedtime, and it wasn’t like I was spending the night. We hadn’t even kissed yet. He had grabbed a bottle of my favorite wine, and seemed very excited to have me over. I’d been the first woman he’d asked on a second date since his separation.

About an hour into our evening, there suddenly comes a pounding on the front door…

He goes outside into the hallway of his apartment complex and I hear a woman yelling. He comes in a minute later stating that the crazy ex wife had shown up. It’s the first time she’s ever done this. Less than a minute later there comes an even more furious pounding on the door. He gets up, and again goes back outside.

At this point there’s an adorable little face peeking around the corner.

I sat on the couch determined not to interfere. Especially with the children. You can hear a scuffle going on outside as Crazy McWifey is trying to push past him into the house. She’s yelling like a mad woman now.

I resolutely stay where I’m at as another bedroom door opens, another cherub face peeking out.

Yelling, obscenities, more scuffle at the door…

Let me preface my very firm stand on not interfering with children. I work with children. It’s a cardinal sin for me to interfere with a parent’s way of raising their child. Especially with children that I don’t have a direct relationship with….

That’s when their son tells their daughter (both children under 6) “Daddy has to call the cops on mommy!”

I shot off that couch as though a fire were burning under my ass. I quickly tuck the 3 year old adorable girl into bed, rub her hair and tell her everything is OK, go back to sleep. She nuzzles my hands, tucks her thumb in her mouth and closes her eyes. I tuck the older boy into bed, telling him everything is OK, daddy will be back in a second, and that he needed to stay in bed with the door closed and not to listen.

I sat back on the couch just in time for the front door to open and for my date to escort a woman in. He introduces the two of us. She promptly starts rapid firing questions at me. Her voice is incredibly loud as she says that it is “outrageous” and “completely not appropriate” for him to have “some whore” in the house while HER children are in bed. Meanwhile bedroom doors have opened, and little faces with wide eyes are watching.

She continues to ask if we’ve slept together, how long we’ve been seeing each other… The list goes. Meanwhile, I have grabbed my shoes and was quietly putting them on. I excused myself, said I’d let them talk, and gathered up my things. He goes to walk me to my car, where she follows outside the door, the sound of her children crying behind her. As he goes to give me a hug, meanwhile profusely apologizing, she yells out across the parking lot “You need to get inside, your son is crying for you, you asshole!!! What a great dad!!!”

And you know what? I was upset with my ex, depressed, sad, angry. Suddenly though, with this- the worst date of my life, I felt better. It really put things into perspective for me…

I could walk away from MY crazy ex. His was delivery!

 Posted by at 4:36 pm
Apr 272015
 

For our A to Z Challenge, W is for website search terms, with a focus on “bondage blunders” for a new meme, Sexy Searching.

As of just a few months ago (because I’ve always looked at the search engine terms that lead to us), one search term that was always prominent was “blowjob mother” or some such combination. I get why they found us, as oddly enough that combination of words is in a title of one of our posts, Our Mother’s Blow Job Story, and the main idea. Still, it always made me think of what are people really looking for. Heck, I’ve even done a pie graph for some nerdy blogging statistics, and every month features a search term with “masturbation” in it. I seek to know as much as I can about my audience, without going so far as to do a survey (though I participate in others’ surveys if they have them).

So I was excited when Wank of the Day began a new meme, Sexy Searching, with the concept being on search terms. Since the photo was taken on my phone, it is not an all-inclusive list of the terms, but they trickle down to just one term views, so I’m perfectly happy with that.

Bondage is pretty big with A and me, as even here it’s listed three different ways. Bondage has been written about 107 so far (and that’s just the ones that we remember to tag with it). Though bondage has been written about with cuffs, corsets, t-shirts or other clothing, vet wrap, and other ways, primarily when we tag bondage it’s for rope bondage.

I’ll focus this month on “bondage blunders” as the search term. Both my sister and I strive to be honest in the blooper moments of our sexual explorations as much as the wonderful successes. So I’ll explore where this term will take someone, and some behind the scenes not written about experiences. After all, not every moment goes well, and rope bondage can be especially complicated depending on what someone is attempting.

I first wrote about this in June 2014: “…fucking me senseless. However, there were some flaws with this set up. Yep, that’s right: I’m taking this realistically. Don’t get me wrong, he teased and pleased the fuck out of me. He even stopped halfway and checked in with me…” –Child’s PoseNot all experiences with rope have gone stellar. My first lesson in being better about speaking up when something hurts.

Behind the scenes, April 2015, I shared a picture taken shortly after a suspension that went wrong (where he had to cut the ropes). I rested for a moment, stretched and snuggled, and checked in with my body after I was down, and then he requested to only do a partial suspension, wax, and knife play with me – to which I agreed. (I love this, it shows that just because something goes wrong doesn’t mean that everything has to stop the rest of the night.)

I’ve also shared another suspension learning curve on being inverted. The ropes and suspension were good, but a brief complication and playfulness caused husband and me to lose track of time and I was upside down for far too long.

And then there is my rope scene, a new frustration with me:

“Yep, this is my rope scene…it’s a work in progress, and a work of patience that neither of us have quite mastered…I have actually stated that if the connection doesn’t start happening, I’m done with suspensions…” – My Rope Scene

“I peered down, saw his focus below me, and did a quick head bob. His own head looked up and I tried very hard to appear serious and intense, not cracking a smile and certainly not making eye contact to give my mischievous self away.” – Shake It Off

Suspensions can be risky, and most recommend while learning suspensions you should be around experienced people. So we learned with others, were used to public “scenes” by this point (and not until suspensions), and while others saw that we clearly loved each other, we didn’t feel connected during suspensions. We aren’t performing and as long as we are connecting and having the time that we expect, that it is all that matters. I realized that I will never look others in their rope scene, and that it’s okay to be uniquely us.

A even has bondage blunders due to a furry little one, who decided one day to chew on some rope and a book.

#SexySearching

Apr 232015
 

In our April A to Z challenge, T stands for talk dirty to me.

I’ve never been good at role playing, as seen in one of my past posts. The reason being, I feel like I sound ridiculous saying scripted things. I’ve never been good at dirty talk, in all its many forms. I’m terrible at phone sex, I never really know what to say. In the moment dirty talk during sex sounds awkward, and decidedly UNsexy. I’ve grown comfortable over the years with a few phrases, and that’s it.

The phrases I use during sex:

“Oooohhhh that feels good”

“You feel so good inside of me”

“Harder baby, harder”

And:

“I want you to cum”

That’s it.

When I’m working towards climax though, there’s a litany of phrases going through my head. I have to think incredibly filthy phrases to help me get my orgasm. I wish so much I could voice them to my partner, have them talk dirty to ME.

The phrases I WISH I could say/have said to me:

“You know you want to cum, you dirty little slut”

“That’s right, cum all over that rock hard dick”

“You dirty fucking whore, you know you want it”

There are many other phrases along the same lines. Especially in vanilla partnerships, I find its frequently hard to open the discussion of “I want you to call me a dirty, slutty, whore, because that helps me get off”. Even though most people are receptive to trying and doing new things for their partner, I still can’t imagine that conversation being anything but awkward. It’s most likely I’m projecting my own discomfort with dirty talk onto others.

In my life, with my openness and sex positivity, it’s practically ludicrous to imagine me being uncomfortable with broaching a partner about dirty talk. I can write it all day long. I can instruct a partner on proper anal procedures. I can proudly display my collection of sex toys, and take graphic pictures of blowjobs and share them with the world. However I would blush and sound like the worst actor in the world if I even think to say ” I want to cum all over your nice big dick”.

Apr 212015
 

R is for Rules of Progression, for our A to Z Challenge, and perfect for the Wicked Wednesday prompt.

Amazingly enough, I’ve had people ask me for advice. Best thing I can think of? Communication and progression.

In yoga, most cannot just go into a back bend or any other serious stretch without working up to it. You need to work up to it, no matter how many years you’ve been doing it. It’s better for the body, and for preventing injuries. So while I can just do a back bend, from a standing position even, I shouldn’t.

Same with anything sexual. I’ll start by stating that everything should be discussed, as everyone’s likes and dislikes are different, but for the most part, some things need to be worked up to, especially if this is new. Let’s discuss a few.

Spanking/Whipping/Flogging (impact): Start softer before moving to full force (if at all). And a rhythm helps the person brace for it. In between the different levels of forcefulness, a brief break with patting/stroking/teasing is welcomed.

Massager/Vibrating Toys: Don’t just go on high, don’t just press it as hard as you can and hold it there for forever, especially with zero build up/foreplay. It can be seriously overwhelming. Start with foreplay, build up the mood, start with a slow sensation of vibration and tease by taking away after a brief time and going back to foreplay, then as the mood build, so can the intensity of the vibration and the time length of holding it there. Check with your partner after orgasm if they are too sensitive to continue (many may need a break after pleasure).

Positions: okay, this is more like the yoga scenario, don’t just grab their legs and force them behind their head. Don’t brace your weight on their ankles as they’re by their ears (this may be a never scenario). If you outweigh your partner, be careful to even brace your weight on the back of their thighs if their legs are folded up (you can easily hurt the hips this way). In more complicated positions, give them time to stretch into them, to change out of them after a time, to prevent soreness. Which brings me into…

Rope Play/bondage: If legs are tied spread apart, especially spread and up, stiffness can occur. Don’t just tie someone and force them into positions with rope – their body won’t like you when done (so pulling on rope to force legs apart even wider is bad when they yelp). Allow them to naturally be in a position and then tie around that position – at least until you both know the limits. Don’t watch a YouTube video on rope play and decide to suspend someone when you’ve never even learned to tie a wrist properly. Start with a wrist, an ankle, a harness – take classes (there are many) before raising someone off of the ground.

Anal: There are anal trainers on the market. For a reason. It’s a good idea to start with something small and work your way up to larger objects, allowing the body to stretch. This prevents tearing and other complications. During anal sex, slowly ease in once the person has worked up the width to accomodate you, checking in often that they are okay with the length and width.

Large Toys or Fisting: Please refer to Anal.

Sex: make sure they’re wet, or use lube. Unless you both are into that type of pain. Don’t just ram it in.

Candle (or temperature play): Don’t just dump wax! Try a few testing drops in different zones and see what areas are more sensitive than others. Discuss like and dislikes. Then move onto more wax on zones that can handle it. Same goes for any hot or cold item.

With anything new or experimental, you should at least verbally check with your partner and communicate about specifics before just getting into it, communicate during, and have an honest conversation afterwards about favorite parts and concerns. To shy to straight up ask for something new? Share a picture or a video and confess that it turns you on as a conversation opener.

Wicked Wednesday

 Posted by at 8:36 am