Aug 312016

Questions found from Insatiable Desire:

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

I love the RACK philosophy (Risk Accepted Consensual Kink). I know that am taking risks, I educate myself on the risks that I am taking, and I consent (and my partner as well). Not everything I do is 100% safe inherently.

I also support the SSC (Safe Sane Consensual) philosophy, but feel that acknowledging risks suits myself a bit more.

I believe that more people are conscious of seeking consent in the BDSM communities than outside of it, where someone may attempt something without a conversation (like smacking my ass, sexual activities, even hugging). I thoroughly enjoy the more direct and honest communication that I hear as well.

This doesn’t mean that everyone I meet has been a positive experience, consensual, or honest; it’s just I have been more likely to encounter this type of dialogue and conscientious people within the kink communities.

Aug 292016

Masturbation Monday Week 104I was going to say something about this picture.

I was going to put myself in the story; as the author and with my active and vivid imagination, use the first person I can experience this, grow excited, tighten clench. I want to be this female tied, in this scene, exposed, vulnerable waiting. Wet, wanton, wanting him to come closer. To cum.

I love when a man finds his release. Not on a face, and I don’t even like the visual on someone else. Not even on her body, which is straining, which mine would be as well, impatient. I would want him in my mouth – that gorgeous cock – the only  thing that he is willing to share of himself – and even then he’s not sharing. He’s too far away from me, from her, stroking it, enjoying his hardness sliding against his palm, his fingers able to feel that ridges that both of us are denied in this scenario. But we are both staring at his action, at his blatant desire at the scenario that he has created, even if we wanted to – we can’t tear our eyes away from the sight of his cock contrasted in the black around him – a spotlight for our focus, for our show, for the preview.

Oh yes, I want to be in this scene. My legs test the boundaries on the rope, fucking amazing rope – I mean this scene was designed for me. It digs into my wrists and ankles, my ankles sore because I see her move and I would as well, to try to relieve some of the tension between my legs, to see if I can escape, to open myself wider in an unspoken invitation.

Yes, I would want to taste him, but ultimately I would want him to take advantage of the predicament of the bondage, my legs are spread for him, for him to push the head past my drenched entrance and slide the hardened length until he hit the wall at the back, fully claiming and filling every part of me. I would clench down upon him as he pulled out a bit, protesting the action, moaning as he sunk back in.

I even like that he is faceless. He could be anyone – a dream or reality. In some ways, I’m objectifying him, it matters not who he is. It matters what he does to me, to her, to us. The stage matters. His cock matters: it is the instrument of teasing foreplay, it is the promise, the temptation, the fulfillment, the reason legs are spread and eyes are riveted.

So yes, when I first clicked on Masturbation Monday, and my body immediately reacted like I was punched in the gut and my fingers wanted to drift towards pleasure, I was going to tell a whole story. Instead I ran out of time and decided to just get to the main idea behind the reaction.Masturbation Monday badge - small

Aug 252016

Elust 85 header
Photo courtesy of Cheeky Minx

Welcome to Elust 85

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #86 Start with the rules, come back September 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!


~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

The Case of the Purloined Panties


~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

The Inspection Zone
Date with prey


~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~


*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!


Erotic Fiction

After Dark
Night World Flash Fiction
Temper temper
How to Start Super Sex
Nobody Comes Looking For Me
it was time to play

Erotic Non-Fiction

Cunnilingus. The Most Special Intimate Kiss
Nastya is nasty
“Do you want to cum in my mouth?” A Memoir
Humiliation: Raylene’s caning 2

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Come as you are…
A Case for Good Men
Changing Labels
10 Commandments of Courteous Casual Sex
The Aftermath
I miss you

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Formative Kink: “Tanya, the Lotus Eater”
At his feet
Consent In Gorean Culture

Body Talk and Sexual Health



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Aug 232016

Wicked WednesdayI know many of us suffer from it, but forgive me, dear readers and followers and friends: I am busy. I am so busy that it’s all I can do to not go to sleep the minute work ends and I still have to get dinner going, kids cared for, the house straightened.

Forgive me, beautiful bloggers that I enjoy engaging with, I am not reading much. It is all I can do to occasionally post a couple of times a week (a compromise with my husband is that I cannot post things about other people so I have to create content instead of grabbing a draft I’ve written on busy days), and try to read/comment on what I can participate in. I am not reading my blog roll, I am barely engaging on Twitter (and even then my husband commented that my grammar sucks because it’s on my phone on the go so I’m not checking my own words).

So what am I doing?

Well, I’m helping to run a new program at my work that the people higher than me have decided, with all these lofty goals (and they are great goals), but have no idea what it looks like or how to effectively accomplish it. So a few of us are trying our best to make it succeed, but it’s a bit like being dudes/damsels in distress tied to the train tracks watching the train approach and knowing that soon things will crash in a terrible ending.

Before I even go to work, I am working out many mornings: one reason is I quickly figured out I have zero energy for this after work, and another reason is that I have a goal to lose half an inch of body measurement (my husband’s constant prompting) for the month of August (have you heard I make lists and goals?) Also on my goal list for August is that I lose 5 pounds, so even on days that I am seriously stressed and just don’t have the motivation to work out, I am trying to change stress eating towards more healthy eating (beautiful Rebel inspired this).

I’m also sending my eldest off to a different country to study abroad for a year. Yikes, and oh so scary but exciting for both of us. I’m proud of the strong, independent, responsible adult that I have raised and hope many more dreams come true with some hard work and a plan. Meanwhile, in a few weeks, you will find me drunk, in tears, and trying to console myself that everything will be okay…and it will.

School also started, and with that kids’ schedules/juggling things around: getting them to and from destinations and after school activities, not to mention homework. To get off of work and help with homework and establishing those routines again is a bit rocky at first. We’ll get into the swing of things soon enough and this should allow some space into my schedule to again begin reading and writing – if nothing else I can do this as I sit beside the homework littering a table, on my laptop.

My husband and I are reconciling, and that is a damn hard uphill battle. We have over six months of history where we have completely shut down the best friends aspect between us, not to mention the mistakes we made during the course of our marriage. In the past few weeks, I’ve even let this dream slip a bit as my communication hasn’t been what it needs to be to establish a feeling of connection between us, and I feel terrible about this and will work harder to remedy this. Have I mentioned that we also are long distance with half a day’s drive between us? So seeing him hasn’t been easy, and I am becoming buried in work on the weekends. Have I also mentioned that I have never been so in love with a man like I am with him? I miss our friendship, our sex, our love, our dreams, our marriage – it will all be worth this uphill climb when we find our way back to each other.

I am also working really hard in slowing down my life and what I commit to – because I deserve to breathe. I am working hard on changing my mindset to believing that I am strong and independent (the way I am raising my kids to believe but somehow have forgotten to view myself). I deserve love, respect, relaxation, excitement, happiness. Most importantly: I am working hard to fall in love with myself. You may have noticed my daily commentary on Twitter (which is much harder than I imagined it would be, and which sometimes I barely remember to pause and reflect enough to write).

I would like nothing more than for things to clear up, to take time to read, and a relaxation bubble bath.

I would like nothing more than for things to clear up, have time to read, and a relaxing bubble bath.

I know life will slow down – I also realize that I need to change how much I am allowing work to take its toll on me.

I truly miss the relationships that I’ve built online with reading (and relating) to so many of you. I miss writing (and reflecting) about my relationships with others (and myself) here in this space. But I will breathe, love, and know that everything will be okay.


Aug 212016

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On Twitter, as part of my independent self love goal, I wrote about not completing a task and forgiving myself for that. I was given a last minute (an hour) order to accomplish something and didn’t; I later told him I needed understanding and to keep in mind that it’s fair to ask 24 hour notice. While he agreed that there would be no punishment, and gave me a more simple task I could complete last minute (see picture), he will be “keeping in mind” that I didn’t do it as he asked last time. Yikes!

Tasks are something that I view as being very specific to power dynamics, and something that can be considered almost a to-do list. I don’t view tasks as something that is said in the moment (unless the scene is laid out) – they have to be thought of prior, and in my own experience have a deadline or time set aside.

A recent task I was given

In this regard, with this definition, I have only engaged in tasks with my husband – though I’m sure truly it could be applied to perhaps two other people, but with them power dynamics have been more present but not fully established. It is unquestionable to me that I obey my husband’s commands when it comes to sex and kink (granted that means that a safe word is still applicable and that my hard limits are respected). He also tends to push my comfort levels with tasks – visual in some regard, masturbation being the top requested thing (even during our scenes).

His tasks are almost always while we are separated, as he is a visual person and misses the sight of me, not to mention this is a way for him to continue our power dynamics while we aren’t close to each other – a reminder I need quite a bit of as I’m naturally more dominant in personality. I’ve written about some tasks he will give me:

“I want a picture…you will get dressed in your stockings we got you I like, with your crotchless panties, and take pictures. I want a couple of pictures of you playing with yourself and then in child’s pose. If you are feeling real frisky take your new plug and put it in, pull your underwear to expose yourself while in child’s pose, and take that picture. This may be hard to do but you can use your phone timer, or something, I am sure you can figure it out. Only need to send one picture, you can send more, but I think they will turn out good and we can use them for later [for the blog].”

He’s never before been so specific, so detailed, nor has he ever demanded a photo. In the past, he only hinted or suggested I take one for him.

I think this reflects that he is aware of more of what he likes and wants.

I think this also reflects that gradual change that has occurred in our relationship – he’s more dominant overall nowadays. – Tasks

When he got home some months later, he used a video he ordered me to make and had me watch it while we had sex. This was a hard task for me: for one, I struggle to keep my eyes open, for another I dislike how I look – the reason he had me watch: he told me how sexy he found me and how it turned him on, seeking for me to view myself more positively. (Watch)

Videos are challenging for me, and one of his favorite things, so I get video tasks quite often. I dislike doing them, they are out of my comfort zone, and yet I am excited that he likes them. If I didn’t receive positive affirmation, I may not do them at all (last time was a lukewarm response that I’m sifting through some emotions with – believing that it’s my own emotions versus his).

Because videos are such a challenge, I find loopholes all the time, and he is learning those loopholes. An example would be when he told me to wear something sexy, and I wore a flannel because I found that sexy; though I did give him one hell of a strip dance – another request for that particular task and one that made me feel mutinous. He also knows exactly when I will balk, and has learned that the consequence has to up the ante. The last time I became too busy to complete a task, there was a severe consequence that I am not anxious to repeat (this time he also picked out my clothes so that I would wear something he found sexy), though the my punishment was incredibly hot.

Even though we switch in our marriage, the power dynamics are firmly established when the switch takes place. If I am in charge and he tries to pull rank, I don’t put up with it and his body often feels my displeasure. He hates pain and it really isn’t part of our scenes where I dominate him, “When I increased the sensations in roughness, I also took less care of tenderness – kissing him less, manhandling him more. When he would try to move away from a sensation, my hand was around his neck or my elbows were digging into a pressure point to keep him still, with a warning that he soon heeded to stay still and work through accepting the sensations” (Pegging Again). My elbows tend to be pretty accurate and get the point across on a physical level that I am in charge.

I use tasks most often to dominate him, a handy tool I learned a couple years ago after many failed attempts to give him a scene that he envisioned but couldn’t verbalize, “I…do what I do best: I made a list of what I needed and what I was planning – though the planned part was vague so that he didn’t understand… I threw him the list. ‘Complete each one, wait before completing another as I have a task you need to do in between each step.'” (Lists will save me). 

Some tasks I’ve given him are:

  • cleaning out a wax warmer to put in massage wax (because I was lazy)
  • fingering me to orgasm
  • tying my velcro ties around the bed for his height
  • edging himself
  • finding items for the scene (again, lazy)
  • making me orgasm through sex a certain number of times without cumming
  • putting me in my strap on harness (I just need help with adjustments, but I make him do all the work).

I will also give him some video/phone/writing tasks while we are long distance. These are mostly so I can seek to understand something; for instance, I just recently asked him to think about and explain why he made the comment that I am not a hard enough bottom and that he may find our level of play unsatisfactory long term, also what kind of hard play he was referring to missing and what he got out of it. The comment hurt me, but I tried to understand what he was saying, and not putting my own feelings and implying it to his intention. When I ask for a masturbation video with specifics, I am looking for what he finds hot/sexy/how he touches and when.

So tasks are about power dynamics and firmly establishing/reaffirming them, but also to show care, support, and seek understanding. And then sometimes, they’re just hot and fun and filthy and wonderful.

Except for the rare exceptions, all of the tasks so far between the two of us tend to be incredibly masturbation-worthy.

Aug 192016

Mr. Texas was super clingy. It’s something I felt terrible about not embracing (pun intended).

There is nothing wrong with a partner wanting to hold, or touch, or caress, or be near another person.

And I’m all about touching a lover.

But I don’t consider myself a cuddler, or even want to be within reach of my partner at all times.

Mr. Texas, on the other hand,always wanted to kiss me, hold me, hug me. He always told me how much he loved me, how wonderful I am, how much he’d miss me for the brief moments that I was away from him (and I was rarely away from him unless we’re at work).

Sounds terrible, I know. I feel horrible that I’m even complaining about someone who so obviously cared about me, but I didn’t like the starving feelings that he projected.

He was clingy and he felt like he didn’t get enough touching and time with me. The amount of touching and time he got with me felt stifling to me, on the other hand. I honestly tried to spend as much time just focused on him and being close, but it bordered on ridiculous in my mind. I was always around him, I was always being cuddled or held. A hug shouldn’t last a minute, little lone several minutes. I shouldn’t have had to worry about his arm holding me every single time I even came close to passing him by. He shouldn’t have expressed how he missed me when I decided to go out with friends for a single night – to the point of trying to make me feel guilty. It even felt like he competed with my children for attention.

I get that he was sweet, amazing, loving and not shy about expressing it – but we simply were not compatible on the time and attention needed to feel appreciated and loved. Sometimes people can seem wonderful but they just simply don’t match up right with the other’s personality.

Mr. Texas was that for me.

Aug 162016

1. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why?

The most beautiful place is where my family is, of course. Second to that, and an actual location, may be a bit harder to define as I’ve truly not traveled much. It could be the Blue Ridge Mountains in the East Coast of USA, or the Yucatan, or in the middle of a rain forest, or the crystal clear blue waters of the ocean where all the colorful fish  and reefs are visible, or at the top of a pyramid. I also love the sight of my bed after an exhausting day, or the sight of my lover’s arms outstretched to hold me when I need it. I’ve loved all those sights.

2. How old is the most expired item in your fridge?

I’m sure it’s pretty old, because my aunt is a hoarder with refrigerator things and she is partially responsible for my filled fridge. That reminds me: I need to go through and throw out stuff instead of just putting stuff in front of.
3. What’s under your bed?

An under-bed container holding my bras. That’s it.
4. What is in your pocket?

I’m not wearing attire that supports pockets.
5. Which famous person would you like to be best-friends with? Why?

Far too many to count, though by famous person I am thinking more historical/influential/author/fictional character people.
6. There is now a line of lacy lingerie for men. Would you wear it or like to see your man in it? See here and here

Of course I would, my husband looked amazing in see-through thong, I’m sure he’d look amazing in that. And any man that is willing to put on something sexy for me is going to get positive praise from me.
Bonus: Think The Olympics. Men’s gymnastic uniforms–sexy or goofy? Discuss!

Men that participate in the Olympics tend to be damn sexy anyhow, because athletes are sexy, and having physical strengths and abilities are inspiring and awesome (and this is from someone who also finds challenged athletes sexy – I’m going to be in San Diego supporting some wonderful people soon, I hope, for The Million Dollar Challenge). So, regardless of what they are wearing, I find (age-appropriate) athletes sexy.

The fact that people take care of themselves, challenge themselves to not give up – especially after failure (which inevitably there are many opportunities for that), and have the motivation to train and improve is admirable, and it’s a quality that I find incredibly sexy. It’s also one that I wish I did more with myself nowadays and a state I hope to get back to.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

_____________ Also written for Wicked Wednesday with the topic of “Sports”Wicked Wednesday

Aug 142016

So with my husband and I reconciling, one of the first things on his list was anal play for him. He hadn’t experienced it in months and I think that he was even made to feel that it was viewed negatively in some regard.

He missed it.

He had thrown out all the toys that he was in possession of that we had split, so we no longer had the very cool dildo that went beautifully with our harness (and also fit inside of me with vibrations); I was still in possession of the harness. So, off we went to a sex store where we found just a standard dildo that the harness would hold in. It was more malleable than the other dildo, which actually helped cut down on me accidentally hurting him; the downside is when I really got going it would slip out a little easier. It was also lighter, so while nothing was inserted into me, at least it stayed put in the harness a bit better.

Armed and ready, we were going to try pegging again.

Actually, it was a scene that I was giving him with pegging so he laid down tied in the center of the bed with a pillow under his bottom. I started with softer sensations (he dislikes pain of any kind). My hands would roam and my mouth was active the whole time:

tongues danced together with gentle caresses reaquainting fingertips with his body, soft sighs and a building of passion and love and trust;

blindfolding him with a soft leather strip so he could focus more on the physical sensations and less visually, my mouth hovering above his own as my tongue darting out to trace his lips as he tried to catch a kiss;

brushing his skin with feathers as my mouth would roam and suck at delectable areas that incited moans;

using stinging flicks of a toy as my teeth would nibble and occasionally bite, causing goosebumps and pinkened marks to appear across his body;

taking the tines of the wheel and traversing across his body as teeth would sink into muscles, causing him to jump or take sharp intakes of breath as he worked through the brief flashes of pain;
an ice cube melted in my mouth as my tongue swept across his reddened areas, cooling down the heated flesh right before I would drip hot wax from a candle, reheating the area and giving a contrast.

When I increased the sensations in roughness, I also took less care of tenderness – kissing him less, manhandling him more. When he would try to move away from a sensation, my hand was around his neck or my elbows were digging into a pressure point to keep him still, with a warning that he soon heeded to stay still and work through accepting the sensations. A black hood (a new toy of mine) with just an opening for the mouth was pulled over his face, effectively turning him more of an object that I was toying with and a mouth to fuck, as I immediately told him to stick out his tongue so I could straddle and fuck his face. I made sure to press my hips down every so often to make his breathing a little more labored as he brought me pleasure.
It wasn’t long before I placed on a glove, a lot of lube on one finger, positioned myself between his legs, and then my mouth teased the tip of his erection as I slowly circled his anus before inserting the finger. As my finger moved deeper into his body, my mouth moved lower down his shaft. Two fingers increased my sucking, which moved at the same time of my fingers – down and in, up and out. Three fingers – a bit trickier as my pinky always seems to be in the way, my tongue swirled around the ridges of his head as I inserted before attempting to deep throat him as my fingers tried to fill his body.

He sighed and moaned and groaned, his hips occasionally tried to thrust up and welcome the sensations even further. He was so hard in my mouth, occasionally pulsing at a delicious part, hitting the back of my throat at times, his muscle clenching around my fingers as they curled slightly, explored, slid in and out.
I decreased the sensations before stopping, taking off my glove and moving up his body, briefing sliding my own body to where he was inside of me and grinding on top of him while I took off his hood and kissed back his humanness. I kissed the sides of his neck as I took off his blindfold, slowing rotating my hips rather than fucking him roughly, leaned down to passionately kiss him before I slowly unraveled him to freedom, wanting him to have full use of his hands and legs. His hands immediately went to my hips to fuck us to pleasure, but I removed myself off him and told him to put me in the harness.
Less than a minute later I was again between his legs, liberally applying lubrication on my dildo, positioning it at his entrance. He seemed surprised that rather than enter him, I leaned forward and kissed him, pressing my body down on his own and telling him how much I loved him. Then I leaned up and carefully entered him, watching his face closely in between the toy disappearing into his depths. He gave me verbal feedback the whole way in, positive that it felt good, that it wasn’t hurting, that he could take more. When I was all the way in, I praised him as I leaned forward for a kiss again before straightening up and slowly easing out and then in. One hand stroked his cock and the other caressed his balls. Masturbation Monday Week 102

Soon I was fucking him, both hands gripping his hips like he so often did to me to have more leverage and go as deep as I could, and his own hand was stroking himself. I slipped out a couple of times, but eventually his body tensed and his hips lifted as his hand slowed while white spurts shot across his chest with his orgasm. It was a magnificent sight; it was verbally decadent to hear his sounds; it was incredible to create and be a part of.

I finished the scene for him with a warm wash cloth, cleaned the beautiful white streaks and hardened candle wax off his skin, had him sit up for a drink of water before rolling over so I could wipe off the excess of lube between his cheeks. I had a candle going of massage wax the whole time and poured enough over his broad expanse of back, rubbing his muscles and feeling any residue tension leave his body, before using another warm wash cloth to remove any oil that didn’t soak into his skin. I covered him with a blanket as he laid so peacefully and heard him snore before I even left the room to clean up our toys. Masturbation Monday badge - small