When I discussed couch surfing with The Wanderer in our hotel suite, I didn’t share the last picture (and it was of my favorite couch, too!). Here is the last couch photo.
I had every intention of sharing one of my favorite bloggers every month. My every intention has vanished this year with far too many transitions that crashed upon me. So I figured I’d share the six that I did share before I seriously cut back on showcasing others.
She writes honestly, and often raw. She exposes her more vulnerable self and is often unapologetic about who she is and what she needs. She often writes about seeing multiple men, one of my favorites is when she poetically uses a carousel analogy. I love how beautifully she writes, how being with these men doesn’t diminish her want of something more permanent but she is accepting of the fun as it comes along. I also share how she is hopeful and jaded in imagining a future with every lover she encounters. Another of her posts that I love is how she leads with her sexuality and that it is okay for her to do so, something that took me a long time to recognize in myself. Even when she writes about Casual Sex Rules, she beautifully weaves a story. A fantastic writer.
She writes most often about a D/s life, the sex blogging community, and observations about sexuality and outlooks. She makes me think often, one such was about tools you need to be a Dom, with the things listed were not I first thought of – they’re far more important. But it is often her writing erotica or fantasies that get me so much, for example a scene based on location; wherein her husband also writes with his own musings. The entire thing turned me on so much, as well as this scene describing a slow build up of anticipation; it is moments like this which fuel my desire far more than touching. She is also the most influential sex blogger that I can think of.
Another seriously influential sex blogger, she hosts memes like Wicked Wednesday, Sexy Searching, The Menopause Diaries, and the Oral Sex Project. She is my number one supporter and commenter – I don’t know if I would continue to pursue different ways of writing if it wasn’t for her. She is bold with her photos, brave in her Scavenger Hunt photos. She writes of her D/s journey and is honest in her own faults. She has a relationship that I am envious of. Her erotic fiction is pretty hot as well.
She writes from a deeply intimate and introspective manner, between the sexual and the psyche, though her stories more often seem to be fiction. She often writes with a dark seductive tone and I love it, like Lonely Things. But when she does write personally, it inspires me, like the notes to her younger self and I appreciated how lovingly reflective it is. It inspired me to think about it and make it a goal of mine to write similarly. Something that echoed painfully and eloquently with me was: This is What I Mean when I Say I Love You. She also discusses writing with the The Semantics of Sex, specifically the words “making love” and “fuck”.
Tamsin Flowers participated in the #AtoZChallenge and did it brilliantly, but her favorite posts with me include the sense of hearing. She writes a post based on a song, Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies. She writes a take on The Little Mermaid, and not do I love fairy tales, it is an amazingly sexy erotica for a woman who is speechless. She also wrote about sounds and silence eloquently, which was hot and bittersweet all at the same time.
Easily Aroused is so often a writer who gets me going every time, with such beautiful erotica. Even in experiencing a new, and taboo, activity he writes gorgeously. This man seriously (and unknowingly) seduces me across a computer screen with his words, like Elemental, or Striation. Even something that made me sad with the loss and betrayal, still turned me on.
Photo courtesy of Sex is My New Hobby
Welcome to Elust 89–
The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #90 Start with the rules, come back January 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!
~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~
~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~
~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~
*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!
Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish
Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
*Last year, for the Christmas prompt set to the song, “All I want for Christmas is you”, I shared something my husband wrote for me. This year, Exhibit Unadorned, is opening up the old prompts and I thought how much had changed in a year (a divorce, a new relationship, etc.). So let me share something Mr. Texas wrote for me….
In one of my breakup talks with Mr. Texas (which sadly I do far too frequently), I asked him to come up with a list of pros and cons that he sees in our relationship. I came up with a short list and we met for dinner. He came with two pages typed of all pros. I know I don’t do a good job of showing just how wonderful he is, or what it is that I get out of my relationship with him, mostly because I’m afraid of getting seriously involved so close to my divorce, so I thought I’d share a few of his words here (and yes, this is just a few – he included many more that had to do with our children, building upon the family concept that is the biggest appeal for me):
Short of a couple of problems we will run into from time to time, I honestly feel like we are very compatible. I believe we can work through anything that comes our way, no matter what it is.
- We both enjoy our time together
- You get the feeling of family and of home that you need/ want
- We can trust one another
- I have someone who I love very very much in my life, someone who makes me feel loved, happy, excited, and so much more. You can make me smile (make my heart feel happy) with just a picture. You have given me so much to look forward to.
- You take care of me in all the ways that I need you to
- You encourage and inspire me to get out and go more places and do more. You “drag” me with you and I always enjoy what we do together
- I’m open minded/understanding and I accept you for who you are with all your quirks
- You’re good for me, you know exactly how to handle me and you don’t put up with my crap
- I understand you..I can read you pretty well and I will always do my best to give you what you need and want as you need or want it. After a long day, early in the morning, or when something is bothering you. I will give you the space you need or be there when you need me.
- I hear you when you say I have problems…and vise versa..
- I love cooking with you
- I love dancing with you
- I love taking care of you, and you love being taken care of
- Making coffee
- Making breakfast, lunch, dinner, or whatever happens to come up
- Helping you with your work, when you need it
- Helping you with your laundry
- Brushing your hair
- Turning your clothes right side out/laying them out after one of our escapades
- Rubbing your shoulders, back, and your feet
- I’m learning new kinky things with you, and discovering what I like and enjoy. You say that I’m really good at it and I feel like I am improving and getting more and more into it. Before I met you, I couldn’t even tell you what I like or what I’m into, now I can tell you that I feel like I have direction and know some things that I like and enjoy.
- I like cutting your clothes off..it’s so freaking hot!!!
- I love tying you up
- I love tying you up and having sex with you
- I enjoy “beating/smacking” your ass..giving you the pleasure you so desire
- I love giving you pleasure..oral and fingering..
- Watching you as I play with you…buckling and squirming
- I actually did enjoy the wax and the ice-sensation play is amazing
- I like having sex with you in the hot tub and on the steps…lol..even the fence
- I especially liked the time on the living room floor with you all tied up
- I am interested in going to events with you..I feel the urge to go so I can experience and learn more..satisfy my curiosity and interests
- We have amazing sex and I love the way you feel.
- I love that we can go and go for hours rather it be through kink or just sex, it never ceases to amaze me how much I enjoy being with you and inside of you.
- I’m hoping to make time for kink events or something just for us at least once a week, maybe twice if we can work it out. I want to expand and explore more…maybe even find another play partner that is understanding and will let me keep honing my skills. Yes I know that statement is a shock, but I figure I need someone when you are doing something with someone else at an event we’re both at…it might be fun and enlightening.
- I know you’ll take your little trips during breaks. As long as you don’t make it so we can’t go somewhere together or so that we don’t have quality alone time, I can live with that. We just need to establish guidelines we can both live with…
- We get to grow old together and have one another to rely on, be there when we need a shoulder to cry on, or just have fun with. I’m totally looking forward to just getting a camper and traveling the country with you…you pick the place, I’ll drive.
- crop that scared me but ended up being very cool
- hands that are so capable of the pleasure/pain I crave
- beautiful purple rope that positively sparkles
- an experience with clothespins that I still find hot
- lobster lunch, a walk on the beach, and the considerate mannerisms that came from it
- an hour where I explored and rubbed and kissed and caressed my lover’s body
- a playground with a gorgeous view for three days
- sharing our times with words
- knife to add to our growing collective pile of kinky times
- candles to go along with the knife
- texts messages to strengthen our relationship
- corrupting a vanilla
- bruises and beatings
- patience, understanding, consideration
- having him accept me as I am
- painting the bedroom a color I love
- giving me sense of family with blending our kids
- rarely making coffee, and hot tub time every evening
- a high sex drive to match my own
- a person to fall asleep next to every night
- home made meals
- going to kink events with him
- The two men mentioned here
- My children
- My brother in law for taking such good care of my sissy
- Kink events
- Kinky times in private (or sometimes semi-private)
- Commenters on here
- Having a space to vent/write/exhale/share
- A high paying job
- Moving in with Mr. Texas
- Buying my own house for us
- Seeing The Wanderer again
- Pushing The Wanderer to go on a vacation with me
- Pursuing another Master’s Degree
- Getting my son on the ski slopes
- Visiting with friends and family
- Explore more kinks
- Experiences new experiences
*I don’t know if what I’m doing is polyamory, frankly I don’t see any need to put a title on it. Mr. Texas recently commented that it seems as though I am in a relationship with two, and indeed it does to me too, though perhaps in a different way than what he views. I just know that I am surviving this horrible year one day at a time, and sometimes one minute at a time.
I am grateful for everyone in my life, even the people here who read.
Rebel, especially: thank you for being my biggest supporter and always reassuring me on this space that I am allowed to be all the crazy things that I am and think.
Happy Holidays! May your lists be grand, your body pleased, your heart full, and your soul hopeful.
**Also written for Exhibit Unadorned’s Christmas prompts, set the song of “12 Days of Christmas”.
Set to the music of “Christmas Wrapping” for Exhibit Unadorned’s Christmas prompts. Last year I was wrapping presents with my husband (and he was wrapping me up), this year he is my ex husband. The year has definitely gone by in a blur.
This actually does include a cowbell, but I’ll get to that part later…
We met at a Starbucks down the road from a dungeon that I had never been to. He had been contacting me to play with him for a couple of of months but with life being so busy and then my sister dying, I just stopped going. This was to be my first solo kink event after she died, and I almost canceled.
It didn’t help any that it was a stormy night and many parts of the roads were closed or traffic was horrendous through all the car accidents.
He walked in the door and immediately stated: “you look so vanilla.”
I was wearing a sweater that is appropriate for work, and jeans. I had asked previously if there was a dress code and he stated there wasn’t. “Well yes,” I was a bit taken about and briefly worried if I appeared too vanilla, “but I do vanilla well and we are meeting at a Starbucks.”
He agreed, ordered a drink, then we sat down and began negotiations. He had watched me play with others and also read my fetishes and notes on Fetlife, so I was already impressed with his coming to the negotiations informed. I had asked around about him, read his fetishes as well, but had never seen him play (hence why I asked around about him). I was told he was creative by others.
The scene last four hours…
He warned me that he brought a lot of things, and I parked behind him at the dungeon to help him carry in his bags. Once we entered, I saw some friends and we visited for a bit, then staked out a room.
By the time we finished the scene, it looked like a cross between a toy store and a torture chamber. Seriously, there are so many titles I could have picked…
“Violet Wands and toy swords”
“Floggers and paddles and toys, oh my!”
“Race tracks and nerf bats”
“Cruising a dungeon tied to a moving cart”
I undressed down to panties. He started with a posture collar that barely fit my small neck, and then with rope. Starting anything with rope is always a good move, as that’s my primary love. “I’ll give you a tour of the dungeon,” he told me as he tied me to a moving cart that he had modified by placing soft cushiony foam on and attaching tie off rings around all the sides. He tied my legs and hands to the cart, and then off we went where he dragged the rope attached to the cart all around the place, introducing me to people I had never met and showing me the different rooms. He would spin me around from time to time, and when we were in the entrance to the place talking to people the door opened to the outside and he shouted out, “good lord, woman, cover yourself,” and wrapped an arm around my breasts amid my laughter.
He was a very playful man, even more obvious once we went back to the room and I was bent over a bench while he opened up his play bag. My behind and backs of the legs were treated to what I consider standard sadistic implements like:
Paddles (okay if they thud), rods (nope, somewhat wimpy – “remember I hate sting,” I would remind him), a toy sword (“I dub thee…” he went on a serious voice at one point and gently touched both sides of my shoulders as he spoke).
Wooden spoons, spatulas, but then also a strange and large frosting knife (so cold when it wasn’t smacking me).
I was tied to a St Andrews cross, after he claimed I was far too short for it and he dragged steps against it so that I could stand up higher. A flogger rhythmically swiped at my back, thighs, and bottom, a relaxing moment that I appreciated. Hot wheels race tracks swung into those areas, and the plastic tracks stung and hurt so badly that I asked him to switch out somewhat quickly.
I was tied laying to a high platform and the violet wand came out, the noise always far more frightening than the actual feeling, and he began with larger implements that lit up beautifully but were hardly felt, down to the unseen pinpoints of pain from a pencil lead.
I wasn’t paying much attention to the doorway or what others were doing, being so involved experiencing different sensations, but I would still occasionally become aware of my surroundings a bit more, mostly because of noise. Often, we would have an audience in the doorway, but what really drew a crowd was the cowbell. I could tell because of the laughter.
Yep, this man had a cowbell.
When a good song came on, and I was bent over a bench, he handed me a hefty cowbell and told me to hold it at a certain angle. Then he sat himself down, took out drumsticks. and beat down upon my body in time to the music, every so often hitting that cowbell. The noise was…well, a cowbell. It rang alongside my ear and after awhile I began to like the sound as it signaled a hit reprieve from the drumsticks. The noise also drew the crowd, as earlier in the evening he was discussing how he had brought a cowbell, and people remarked they were curious how it would play out (see the pun?) in a scene. Once they heard the cowbell, their merriment in their laughter was apparent even over the sound of the cowbell.
I am glad I met up with him, as laughter is a bit fleeting for me right now.
*Last year, for the Christmas prompt set to the song, “Little Drummer Boy”, I shared a time my husband slapped my labia for the first time. This year, Exhibit Unadorned, is opening up the old prompts and I thought how much had changed in a year (a divorce, a new relationship, etc.). So I thought I had far more of an appropriate scene in playing with new partner for the first time that went with the prompt of drummer boy.
1. Have you ever tested someone’s love for you? What did you do? Did things turn out as you expected or hoped?
I unconsciously and consciously test love all the time. Mostly because I feel I am undeserving and if they knew me they wouldn’t love me, so I share parts that I believe to be the scariest.
For example, before Texas and I became serious again: I tested if he would love all parts of me so I shared the blog before he began his reasons for us to be committed. And then much later, I suppose I tested him by asking him to be present while I engaged in orgasm play with another person.
2. Select the answer that best fits your experience. I have dated:
a. all the wrong people
b. romantic companions that were mostly a good fit for me.
c. people that were perfect fits–loves at first sight
d. not all that much, I mainly have had a lot of long term relationships
3. Online dating: What is your success rate? What do you consider success?
Well, I met Mr Texas online. He was the first person to contact me on that particular dating site. And I met the Reservist, who was a hot hook up and may become a great friend, on a dating site.
4. What sexual thing do you do most often that you could commit to doing everyday?
Having sex, oral sex, elements of BDSM, foreplay. These are not hard for me to commit to everyday.
5. What are your thoughts on love and lust?
That the two can be easily blurred, and that love that exists to the most degree in friendship is the hardest to let go of and the strongest.
Bonus: Are you searching for love or are you searching for attention?
Both, I can’t feel loved without some attention. I was in a long term relationship with a man indifferent and it was the worst relationship by far.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
It’s very hard to reflect and expose my own faults in writing, and I guess I do a pretty good job as Texas read the blog and comments on all the mistakes I made in my marriage. He is concerned, of course, because he sees me taking a hard stance on polyamory and he read about how I pushed that agenda in my marriage.
He thinks I will let go of another relationship in my quest for something that I don’t even time for, nor am even sure it it would be better.
Perhaps he is right, but I also am learning from my past mistakes and I do not wish to pursue a monogamous relationship and hurt another with a commitment I struggle to keep.
It’s very hard to reflect and expose my own faults in writing, especially revealing the decisions that I make that are often looked down upon, yet I do because I am human and I want to share the very human moments of my life. It opens me up to judgment on a very public forum, it allows those that know me intimately to see my flawed past and inner thoughts.
For example, I fully embrace my sluttiness – I find nothing wrong in pursuing physical relationships to those that I have a connection with. Sometimes, however, I use sex for the wrong reasons – to feel a connection to someone where it doesn’t exist, like I did after my marriage ended during Slutfest. During a vulnerable time in my life, I shared with whomever read me the unconventional actions that I pursued. It caused my ex husband to dislike me further and use it against me whenever we spoke, his girlfriend to use it to her advantage (not to mention that she had a public forum for her own commenting on a later post), for my new relationships to judge me.
Of course, I also learned from that, and while I used sex to feel close to someone during another weak moment in my life, it was a friend after the death of my sister, so it was a decision that brought me comfort when I needed it. Sure, I also engaged in very public sex whereas I normally wouldn’t, so there are moments where I still make decisions that are unlike me though I don’t see anything wrong with that either.
And that brings me to here: the main reason why it’s very hard to reflect and expose my own faults in writing, because I reveal my pain and expose my vulnerabilities. I can’t quite define why I feel the urge to write about the darker times alongside the glorious ones. Why did I write up and then share the very painful moments of my divorce, of being so casually cast aside for another, of being pathetic and desperate to hold onto him?
Why, now, do I write about losing my baby sister, the one who began this site with me? Why do I share that hurt so publicly, the decisions and the heartache exposing me even more?
It’s not for views – those plummet the minute life overwhelms me as it has this year and I stop working behind the scenes on things. It’s not for popularity – as these vulnerable moments of sadness don’t get the views, nor do I have the heart to truly promote them. It’s not sexy. And I’m still only sharing the sexual/relationship issues, so I’m not being diverse in who I am here.
I am just a person stumbling through a rough year. I’ve moved across country, said goodbye to all my friends, been discarded as a wife, had two new jobs, been a slut, a grieving sister, and a woman truly struggling to find relationships and connections that work for me throughout it all.