Jan 302017
 

Wicked Wednesday

A post about the last three months choosing my favorite or most revealing photos and posts and giving some background information; also listing accomplishments. I’m also going to be showcasing a blogger that I absolute adore each month with some favorite postings of theirs (hopefully I can showcase at least six bloggers this year as last year that’s at least what I got to).

November:

“After seeing the body of my sister, I was desperate to be held, to be fucked, to forget for at least moments the day’s events. I texted a friend, David… I was passed around and cuddled with a few friends as we watched the shows – have I mentioned enough how much I miss these people? There’s something that I found in this area that I’m just not finding in my new state.” – Supportive Friends

At the end of October, my vibrant and brilliant sis, A, died unexpectedly. I traveled back to where I just moved away from to deal with her death and was reminded just how fortunate I was to have such great friends. When dealing with soul crushing loss, it’s important to have a support system, and for the days that I was there and face to face with my grief, I was lucky to be surrounded by friends. I also showed growth in that I reached out to have sex in a more comfortable setting than a one night stand by contacting a friend.

Photo: This month I sorted through so many of my sister’s photos and tried to show case just how beautiful and creative she was as a celebration to what she had already done and never shown.

Accomplishment: Memories, a writing found in drafts that my sister wrote, and honored in Wicked Wednesday’s roundup.

An Often Read Blogger: Girl on the Net.  She’s capable of turning me on, of ranting about some things that should be tackled, of making my laugh, of inspiring my own writing.  Don’t Tell Me Sucking Dick is Easy and it’s brilliantly angry. I am insulted that someone would ever claim that fellatio is easy or simple. She writes A Story About Hard Fucking due to confidence. There is nothing hotter than the attitude my partner has that she describes in such sexy detail. Where are all the pervy women,  about not only where they are (everywhere), and not as fantasy-like as the question may insinuate, but why they may be hard to find. Girl on the Net takes on a position on something debated about in a way only she can: Faking Orgasms isn’t as Bad as You Think.  Sometimes in faking an orgasm, I have pushed myself to have a real one. And I love when he cums. A hot read is why she likes Butt Plugs. Then there’s such a fascinating story of worthless tokens which have a wealth of meaning; an excellent way to handle conflicts.

December:

  • “I viewed my sister’s body and can no longer deny that she is dead;
  • I cried hysterically as I laid my head next to hers;
  • I stroked her glorious hair (she had amazing hair);
  • I say a tentative goodbye (I know there’s many more);
  • I comforted my father – a man that rarely even expresses emotions;
  • I bemoaned why there would even be a viewing – how morbid!
  • I get drunk at lunch as my father keeps ordering more and more drinks.
  • I go back to the bed that she used to sleep in and take a long nap.
  • My friends hear about my day and graciously kidnapped me,
  • We head towards a kink event which was at a swinger’s club,
  • I am distracted by the wonderful performances of my skilled friends,
  • I am kissed and cuddled by David,
  • I have incredibly public sex with David,
  • I ride the sybian,
  • He rides the sybian.
  • And then I said goodbye to friends and he took me back to my sister’s house,
  • where during the ride home I tell him for the first time I just lost my sister and he reacted very compassionately” – David Holds Me

David and I had a busy night following an incredibly stressful day. I know that sometimes I turn to sex the way others turn to a drug, but I am learning my own limitations with doing so. I still get out of comfort zones and do things I normally wouldn’t when truly stress as a form of escape, but am seeking more supportive environments to do so. And let me mention again that I am so lucky to have such amazing friends.

:Photo: I’ve been learning to play with a violet wand.

Accomplishment: Writing About It All, honored in Wicked Wednesday’s roundup

An Often Read Blogger: A Slave to MasterI’m going to do this blogger a huge disservice in not really quoting any of her more spectacular posts. I also don’t comment all that often (of course, recently I don’t comment much at all on anyone). But she writes regularly, honestly, and often in such a hot manner. I can’t always envision myself in her situations, she has a different mindset than I do, but that is what makes her spectacular.

January: 

“It’s a scary step.

I still fight the feeling that I need to stand on my own, that I need to find myself amid all this chaotic life changing loss, that I am relying on another so heavily.

I have always been the reliable one, the one that my family and even my ex husband relied on, the stead fast one, always known who I was, what I wanted, and how to get there.

I’ve no clue anymore. My heart is shattered in so many pieces I am shocked that anyone wants to hold the slivers and be in my broken company.

Maybe, even if I’m doing this wrong or for the wrong reasons, it’s what is right for right now.

And maybe it’s time I set aside my worry and allow Mr. Texas to soothe my vulnerability with love (and yes, even opening myself up to another potential loss).” – Crash

January saw me acknowledging how important Mr. Texas is in my life and opening myself up to be vulnerable again. It also was a final acceptance that I have no clue about my own life right now and I feel utterly lost. I hope I find myself again – I’m not all bad.

:Photo

Accomplishment: Kayla Lords mentioned my post Pavlov’s Music in her weekly newsletter. 

An Often Read Blogger: Graydancer.Naiia BoundThis is also the first person to ever tie me, so I may slightly prejudice. Ever have a passion or dream and follow it as a career? Graydancer has. He has many different blogs, a podcast, travels extensively to present an unusual concept: an unconference at both Ropenspace with Murphy Blue, and GRUE, not to mention all the other classes/events/communities he participates or teaches at. I especially like to read him at  Love. Life. Practice…  A guest presenter, Naiia Bound,  that you can find at his blog discusses some hard topics like Kink and Depression, and growing older in kink and dealing with some of the complications that brings.

 

Jan 262017
 

https://www.flickr.com/photos/martekristineo/5502801613

I agree with those that feel that a safe word is not needed, that no and stop should be exactly that.

I also agree with those that feel that a safe word is needed, that they don’t want their no and stop to always mean that.

I also realized that I need to be clear where I stand. I used to be the second option – I wanted the struggle, my instinct when something hurts is to say no and stop, but I can continue and I want my partner to push me.

I learned a very hard lesson in the complications of this negotiated use of safe words when I felt like I was forced anally, but he expected me to use my safe word.

“First and foremost, while my safeword did not occur to me, I did have one. My ex truly expected me to use it… I believe that he expected me to safeword if I felt that strongly about “no” after talking to him months later. And I truly did not even think about using a safeword, felt like my “no” and “stop” were enough; after all – just the day prior we discussed needing the safeword before a scene. I didn’t use a safeword with him just having sex with him – never felt that was needed.

Perhaps this is a horrible complication with using safewords, when stop and no don’t always mean stop and no.” – Consent with Anal

My ex and I did discuss safe words before every scene that we felt it was needed – and only the scenes that included impact (or our one time doing consensual non consent). Even in rope I didn’t use a safe word but gave a time that I needed out (even if it was immediately). So I understand why I did not think to safe word, we were just having sex, after all. I also understand why he felt that I would safe word – I do have and use my safe word and he trusted me in that.

So now I’m on the fence with safe words. I still use them, and I’ve been trying to get Mr. Texas to use them. I really like the “yellow” for change up or no further, and the “red” for can’t take anymore. I also, especially when I top him, realize that I am dealing with a man not used to coloring at all, so I listen to his body language,  his words, his noises, and his actions and proceed cautiously, stopping far before he colors. If I force him to color, I warn him ahead of time that is my intent and do only one action (like bite down) until he remembers to use it.

Again, though, I don’t believe that I should only stop when he uses his safe word. If I am playing to the edge it is with someone I trust and who trusts me, someone that I have played with many times before, someone that will know my tells and listen to my body language the same way that I do theirs.

My ex husband should have known mine, should have listened. But we are equally to blame for that scenario.

I still want my no and stop to not mean no and stop when I feel like struggling or fighting back, it is so hot to me that I will be held down or my cries will be ignored. It is also reassuring to me that my safe word will be respected, that I have a safe word.

But I need to start being more consistent with using my safe word, even if I am just having sex, because just having sex is very easily turned into something else once we’re naked and having fun. I need to not view sex as an activity isolated from BDSM, because it is not, and it rarely ever is just sex with me.

I can easily view how I am inconsistent: The Wanderer would never have to worry about me not coloring and using my safe word – we have a clear boundary of no intercourse and a partnership that’s foundation is BDSM. Neither would anyone that I played with in a dungeon or other kink event. Mr. Texas, however, may have to worry if he pushed for something I didn’t want to do – and that’s incredibly unfair to him; but I view us as having a sexual relationship first, exploring each other in BDSM second – and BDSM being new to him especially he needs to read other cues and listen to words (to an extent – he already has figured out my no rarely means no but I like the protest).

I am confusing as hell about using my own safe word and that isn’t fair to my sexual partner. I have learned that I cannot rely, either, on my partner and I consistently using a safe word only in certain scenes (like impact or consensual non consent).

It is up to me to clearly define and use my safe word to my partners, and to be consistent.

Jan 242017
 


Photo courtesy of Rebel’s Notes

Welcome to Elust 90

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #91 Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Conflicted part 1

Glow

Happy Endings

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Please You to Please Me

How to suck my cock – part 1 (attitude)

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Visions of Sugarplums

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Writing About Writing

The Curious Case of Trigger Warnings
Writing About It All

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

PLEASING THE MISTRESS
Reader Q&A: Dominant women struggle, turn-ons
Chastity Questions
Not every hole is a goal

Erotic Non-Fiction

A Picture is Worth…
Morning Stretch
Lovemaking Almost Too Brilliant To Describe
The GP
I Want
Indescribable Pleasure
Humiliating an ex-Nazi: Raylene’s 2nd dozen
Preparation
I love big, fat dicks

Erotic Fiction

Dude, You’re Wet!
When Love Becomes a Weakness
On a Silver Platter
The Silent Treatment
A Seasonal Affair
Three in a Stall
Schoolgirl Uniform
The New Principal 4: Escape

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anal Retentive Or Just OCD?

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

BuzzFeed Femdom

Poetry

-06.01.17_13:22-
Mistletoe: A Lusty Limerick

 

Elust 88

Jan 222017
 

I am like Pavlov’s dog with music selections.

Pavlov came across classical conditioning unintentionally…Whilst measuring the salivation rates of dogs, he found that they would produce saliva when they heard or smelt food in anticipation of feeding. This is a normal reflex response which we would expect to happen…

However, the dogs also began to salivate when events occurred which would otherwise be unrelated to feeding. By playing sounds to the dogs prior to feeding them, Pavlov showed that they could be conditioned to unconsciously associate neutral, unrelated events with being fed. – Psychologistworld.com

Certain songs will often remind people of a memory or a person. I find myself reacting to certain songs with physical reactions as well. It’s not that I’ve necessarily played with all these people often (though all but one I have), it’s just that music seemed to be prominent with us or in association with them.

Give me R&B or sexy pop beats, and I think of sex with my ex husbandOccasionally, my nipples will perk up or I will begin to tighten in anticipation. It’s strange to still have this reaction considering that it’s been so long, but it has been far longer still that this music trained me to respond with thoughts and aching for sex. With masturbation, I will still often play our radio station, so strong is my reaction that it helps my own self orgasm.

“I panted, by this time hours of pleasure not allowing me any sense of realism, and unable to help himself from toying with my quivering self, his fingers grazed my clit. I sucked in my breath, already feeling dizzy from the slight contact, my legs parting without thought. Suddenly two of his fingers danced upon my pearl, and I was so taken with pleasure I had no idea how I ended up laying with my back on his chest, one solid arm across my shoulder and neck so fingers could tugged at a nipple, the other hand quickly alternating between slipping into my sex and rubbing up into my clit.” – Incapable of Thinking

Always and Forever – Luther Vandross[jwplayer mediaid=”6952″]

Ride It – Jay Sean[jwplayer mediaid=”6954″]

Signs of Love Makin’ – Tyrese[jwplayer mediaid=”6955″]

Making Love (Into the Night) – Usher[jwplayer mediaid=”6956″]

Alternative music and I think of Mimir’s beautifully crafted scenes. Mimir had so much going on in his scenes that truly it’s a bit hard to pin down what specifically gets me physically reacting. It’s more like a whispered memory across my skin of sensations, an intake of breath of wondering what would have occurred, and a slight feeling of homesickness for rope and scenes crafted in a space that always felt safe and uniquely tailored to me. It’s an utter feeling of longing but incredibly sexy to me as well.

“He moved between my legs, and so softly – the merest gossamer of touches, slid a finger against the delicate lace of my underwear. If I had not been so fixated on his every move, if I had breathed too deeply, I might have missed the touch. It was a sharp contrast to the earlier dominance, this soft caress at my lips.

My body cried out for his touch. My mouth remained silent, not wanting to break the spell with demands that would go unheeded simply because they were uttered. He is not a man to be rushed.” – Take Down

Beautiful – 10 Years[jwplayer mediaid=”6957″]

Evil Angel – Breaking Benjamin[jwplayer mediaid=”6959″]

Bloody Creature Poster Girl – In This Moment[jwplayer mediaid=”6960″]

Industrial German and I think of painful rope with Master MondayRope with him was not unheard of, but we didn’t do it very often. Though I did see his look of planning often to this music, and occasionally was treated to some of his expertise. The music makes me me miss rope in general, but very specifically how badly it can cut into muscles, or the tension creating little doubt of being bound together, or the excitement of something new or creative. It’s a slight adrenaline rush.

“Did I mention the music was awesome? It’s amazing how music can create a scene, and in this case I feel it did. Next thing I knew I was being strung up and fully suspended with legs adjusted from time to time to a more painful position than the last. I was blindfolded and it was then used to pull my head back, in which he arched my back to tie the blindfold into an ankle. That was a tight tie, it didn’t allow any forgiveness or releasing of tension. It was very uncomfortable but sustainable, and I wished that I had been in it longer. He spun me around in that position, his hand brushing over my blindfold, my upturned chin, my tensely pulled back neck, my chest.” – Hurty Rope

Blutengel – Sing[jwplayer mediaid=”6961″]

Centhron – Lichtsucher[jwplayer mediaid=”6962″]

French pop songs and I think of being beat by Mr. Texas. – it’s a reaction I unconsciously created as country music just wasn’t doing it for me and he doesn’t care for most modern songs – so I picked Stromae and have tailored the songs specifically for our scenes. It is hearing these songs that inspired me to write some of my physical reactions to hearing certain music. Especially Love Story, and I think of having a cane taken to me, of the ebbs and flows to create a great scene where he is able to keep my pain threshold with a stinging strike just right and then use another song to build me up to perhaps punching on the back of my bottom or thighs, perhaps flogging (our newest exploration), or some other type of pain that while I handle it better, it certainly brings up the level of pain. Or he just may grip my hair and pull my head back forcefully as he slams his body deep inside of me, a hand around my throat and his deep throaty “mine” that imprints me as thoroughly as the marks. My body gets tense in anticipation of either an orgasm or bracing for impact when hearing this music now.

Love Story – Indila[jwplayer mediaid=”6963″]

Mes Aures – Frero Delavega[jwplayer mediaid=”6964″]

House’llelujah – Stromae[jwplayer mediaid=”6965″]

*I’m not including a post selection for Mr. Texas – for one I haven’t written much about our moments yet, for another, he is my future and we are beginning to strengthen my reactions to him and the music even further – I can’t wait!

**I had twelve songs picked out already as this sat in drafts, and when I saw the prompt for Wicked Wednesday, I thought it was perfect.

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Wicked Wednesday

Jan 192017
 

Height differences sometime suck. Why do any of the women in our family venture forth with tall men is beyond me.

For example, I have to ask my lover’s permission to kiss him. He’s too tall for me to reach and kiss on my own accord. He has to lean down for me to kiss.

But then again, on his knees he’s the perfect height to kiss.

I am on the short side. If the women in our family make it over five foot, they are considered tall, and lucky. So sex is a challenge in certain ways…

For one, having both my partner and I standing up is near impossible. He would have to bend his knees too much, which leads to fatigue and awkwardness.

Additionally, the most comfortable position I do on top is when I am posed over them, in a squat position, rather than on my knees, due to my little legs. (Wrapping my legs fully around someone isn’t likely either, especially a wider or taller man.)

It does have advantages too, like having sex in a car, in a bathtub, or any place that is a confined space. My lover appreciates the short size for easy pick up, adjustments, or control.

Jan 172017
 

It’s hard to come back down to the reality after living a fantasy for so many days. I had three wonderful days away from real life demands with The Wanderer, and immediately upon my return I am bombarded with people wanting me to make plans and to see me.

I want to see no one. I want to float back into real life in silent solitude at my own pace, with a hot bath and book – is it possible to wash the sins of the city when it’s been so deeply penetrated into me? I want to let the memories of the past few days drift lazily in my thoughts and just watch them like slowly swept away clouds.

I do not want to drown in the noise and clamor of men grabbing for my attention, questions and demands of me to be in charge, to make decisions, to decide if I should be serious with any one of them, with all of them, how the dynamic will be, where to eat, what to do, how to play, when to engage.

I want to surrender the decisions to someone easy going, that just seems natural, not forced, contrived.

Does he feel the same way?

That thought darkens my thoughts the more the other men clamor for my attention.

Does he feel that it is easy, our relationship?

Is he content in our dynamic?

He is a sadist, and I am not a masochist. We played at more orgasms and sensations – is he okay with that type of play that we did? It was more my pace, my agenda – and like the men who makes demands for their own gains rather than respect what I need from them, does he feel that I push for my own agenda and he isn’t getting what he wants out of our time together?

Truly, I hope not. I am a wimp, but I try to take impact. I communicate my wants and desires, but left the planning to him – was that too demanding? Did he switch gears and just gift me with pleasure after pleasure when he sought escape through pain play? Did I help him escape the demands of his own life or simply add more demands of my own?

Perhaps with the intrusion of reality from other men that I am not ready to face (though soon I will be), a drop from the experiences of the days’ past is colliding too abruptly with the present reality. Mimir taught me about that – about how shocking it can be at times and to breathe and relax and appreciate.

I appreciated the time, and I do believe that The Wanderer did as well. I am not his perfect choice as a play partner – I am simply not cool enough to stand strong with his favorite type of play and deal with the sting, but I am a damn good partner anyhow. I know this, and yet…and yet, I don’t want to let him down, and the further into driving away and towards reality, the more the clouds drift and I become more level headed, the more the doubts weigh heavy on my thoughts.

I need a bath and book.
*Written over the summer

Jan 152017
 

I find myself now fighting hard to not be a recluse after this last year – I no longer have motivation to go to most things. Yet, kink is near and dear to my heart, so is socializing. I need to pursue my passions again. An event I couldn’t see myself missing was a GRUE (Graydancer’s Ropetastic Unconference Extraganza).

Mr Texas almost went, for at least half the day (kid commitment), but I told him it was going to my agenda and I didn’t him following me along the whole time like a lost puppy. He stated he wanted to learn what my kinks and interests were, therefore justifying in advance that he would be with me the whole time. He ended up not going for other reasons. I truly think if he would have went, he would have learned a whole lot…regardless of whether he was there or not – that’s the wonder of being in a GRUE.

So there I was alone. The GRUE is almost perfect for being alone, for pursuing an individual’s agenda/interest/curiosity/seeing-something-offered-you-never-even-thought-of. Everyone is so welcoming and friendly if approached that I was confident if I needed a partner, I would be able to find one – though I wasn’t really planning on needing one. One thing I’ve noticed is that I don’t enjoy rope as much as I used to – perhaps deserving of its own post.

The night before, I was exhausted from travel and holiday time, from moving furniture for three days straight to Mr. Texas house, so I decided to sleep rather than make the meet and greet dinner.

Fighting lovely Los Angeles traffic and rain on top of that, I located the event and stepped inside.

I didn’t really know anyone, not that that fact surprised me, and I sat in the first row. A man struck up a conversation, respectfully questioning my experiences with GRUEs, and we discussed the kink communities in our more local areas. I saw the blank agenda board, listened to Graydancer (a person I at least somewhat know), and then watched the board fill up with classes.

I love the structure of GRUEs. How people write their passions regardless of experience and then pursue curiosities and other passions throughout the day. I love that these things will never be alike for that reason, that I can get up and go wander from one class to another without fear of offending.

I did give a big hug to Graydancer to start my day off right. Then took off for a class on orgasm control – one of my favorite kinks. Everyone was sharing in the dialogue of the discussion – not an uncommon thing at all for these events, and I realized that I was incredibly lucky to orgasm as frequently and easily as I do. I also felt torn about being there, as there was another class happening at the same time that I wanted to do as well.

So off I wandered after a bit to the Morning Wake Up and Energize class and did some mediation and stretches outside where fortunately the rain had cleared up. This is how I should always start my day though I rarely do.

Then I attended a class where they were discussing and teaching about body manipulation. These classes are more directed rather than direct instruction, and so many people came together and collaborated on so many different ways to move a person. I had some good ideas, though many required one partner to be stronger than another.

Lunch was served, tacos and a pleasant conversation with a gorgeous Asian woman who was into fire play – both as performance and kink.

I wandered from class to class and found myself really engaged in a large discussion identifying as a switch. It left many questions that deserve its own post (notice a trend? There’s so much to talk about!).

I watched about cutting off clothes – he even had two women try different types of clothes (like bras vs no bras) and I have a few ideas. It was very hot, and he was so enthusiastic and passionate about it. Sadistic rope was presented by someone I was vastly entertained by at Ropecraft, and I had been tied in many of the things that were shared, cringing in remembrance and laughing at other’s reactions. Pole dancing techniques were being shared and I am always in awe of the strength and conditioning, not to mention the bruises and challenges that go into maneuvering around the pole (I took a few classes, and it really hurt the skin).

The fire class was the last class and one that I had been looking forward to since lunch conversation. The woman I spoke to was co-presenting, and she began by discussing fire safety and put out the fire a few times with her mouth. The man presented different ways to share fire with a partner, another woman being the demonstration bottom. She was bare, but still I cringed at the one point when he took a fire wand right to her pubic bone.

There was still a bit of time and no class afterwards from the fire, so after the presentation by the two, he asked if anyone wanted to try either the top or the bottom side. I asked if I could experience it as a bottom.

Negotiations were no pubic area as I had hair there. He asked if I was fully comfortable getting naked on stage, which I was. As I laid on my stomach, he took the fire wand and blew the heat and flame across my body; during the demonstration I thought that this looks so sensual and sexy, and it felt amazing – a slight fanning of heat. Then he took a paint brush with alcohol and painted patterns on my skin before setting it on fire, brushing his hand to put it out; I liked the sensations of the heat followed by the caress of a hand. Next, he sprayed his hand and spanked my skin with his fire hand; honestly I couldn’t feel much of a difference from a regular spanking, though I definitely did when he reversed it and sprayed my skin to set it on fire and spanked it out. My most sensitive places with fire play were the back of my thighs and my lower back – the same with wax play from candles.

At his instruction, I rolled over and he painted in the valley between my breasts to set that on fire. He suggested that seeing it was far different than just feeling it, so my head was raised to view my own skin being set to flame, the blue and slightly yellow tinge flame being swallowed by his large hand. He followed the curves along the bottom of my breasts and then those heated up.

He asked about nipple sensitivity and permission to show me, then lit those on fire. It felt hotter – painful like my lower back though also sparked pleasurable sensations – my nipples do appreciate a bit of pain.

When we were done and as I was getting dressed, closing circle was called. This is the “aftercare of the the GRUE” where people expressed their thoughts of the day, a way to decompress before being sent out into the world in search of dinner.

An excellent experience, and one that has at least inspired me to pursue new kinks and write about some old favorites.
Wicked Wednesday