Mar 272017

“Aren’t you afraid it will happen all over again?” Mr. Texas asked me as we drove back from a BDSM speed dating event. I thought it would be good for him to get out and talk to other people, perhaps find a play partner or two besides me. “Your husband got into another relationship and then left you.”

I winced, though I hoped it wasn’t obvious in the darkness of the car. “No,” I stated, though that was only slightly true. I was concerned Mr. Texas might leave me, but not because he found someone else. He might leave me because I want an open relationship and he doesn’t, or because we’re incompatible, or because I can’t be who I was when he met me, or because I tell him to get the fuck out of my life.  He may find someone else and leave me because she is more perfect for him than I am; that could happen even if we were monogamous. It could happen, and she’d be lucky to have him.

I could tie him to the bed when I’m gone and release him when I’m at home to keep an eye on him, could have sex all day long every day, could be the most fantastic lover, provide the most stimulating conversations and entertainment, drop weight or gain weight to be his ideal body, dye my hair blonde (his favorite), and still he could leave me.

But it wouldn’t happen because he met someone else more… it would happen because we aren’t that compatible in the long term scheme of things.

…Unless he goes through a midlife crisis, like my ex husband did. He’s also transitioning out of the military, like my ex husband did before he left me.

But still, it wouldn’t happen because he met someone.

So yes, I’m concerned it could happen all over again.
Wicked Wednesday

  5 Responses to “Afraid of Again”

  1. Admitting these fears is an excellent way to work through them. Just remember to cherish him every day you’re together so that you have more good memories than bad. 😊

  2. Things don’t have to repeat. Every love and every chance is a new one.

    All you can do is acknowledge your fears and not let them rule you.

    Lovely piece of writing!

  3. I totally understand the fear, sweetie, but don’t let it control or consume you. Enjoy what you have and trust Mr. Texas to talk to him about these fears. You deserve to be happy!

    Rebel xox

  4. […] Afraid of Again by Cammies on the Floor  This woman has been through so much in the past year that I want to hug her and tell her it will be okay. I totally understand her fear! […]

  5. Those fears are valid. You are being very honest and yes… it could happen again. Have to try to work through them so that enjoy the now and keep healing and being happy with what you do have that connects you two.

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