Oct 252016
 

So my slutfest first introduced this type of thinking and my online dating adventures have definitely continued it. Men, who if I had met them in person would probably never have broached anal sex without really knowing me better, were asking if: a) I would have sex with them; and b) did I do anal? Yet from the relative safety of anonymity behind a screen, felt like anal would be a good topic to approach me with immediately, before meeting me.

Now, let’s separate my online approaches with slutfest versus honestly wanting a dating experience with.

Slutfest: my online profile was created by my beautifully creative sister, A. She was the one who coined the slutfest experience between her and girlfriends after a bad breakup. I would have never presented myself so boldly, but she did a great job – there was no question that I wanted to have sex with men with no strings attached. I didn’t want a conversation, I did not want a date, I wanted them to come to my house and fuck me.

So the men who responded might have felt so bold to address their sexual needs and desires with a virtual stranger before meeting up.

But what surprised me is that every single man asked about anal sex and if they could have anal sex with me. Slutty doesn’t mean use every hole I have indiscriminately – though at least most of them checked first before trying to have surprise butt sex.

Up until that point, I had only had anal stimulation, and only with one man, my husband. I told them I was uninterested, and I was. One man did give me anal stimulation and even tried for anal sex after I expressed my disinterest.

Dating: so my first few months produced one vanilla guy after another after another. Not too big of a deal, as that’s how Mr. Texas and I discovered each other, but I have already learned that I just can’t be without kink in some regards. No one asked for anal, no one approached me for sex, it was getting to know you questions and I was perfectly fine with that. But I at least needed to date someone who was open minded to kink, because after the vague getting to know you stage, we just weren’t compatible.

So I modified my online profile to state that I was kinky and would need someone who was open minded.

And opened the flood gates where apparently being kinky equates to being easy, being indiscriminate about having sex, to the anal approach as a first question. I am always a bit surprised by assumptions: sluts can be discriminate about who they have sex with; kink does not equate to sex or even anal sex (though it can).

What had changed since then is that I had engaged in anal sex and it was a terrible experience. Having lost my anal virginity, as it were, didn’t change my interest in the act at all.

And I don’t view anal sex as being kinky.

There is something about being online that brings out the bolder people, I’ve noticed. I sincerely doubt men would approach me with these topics in person just introducing ourselves, and I have even less confidence that they would approach anal sex as a desire from the get-go. Perhaps it’s because I address kink in my profile that men now compelled comfortable enough to approach anal, but kink was added for a compatibility issue not to state that I was looking for quick anal hookups rather than getting to know a partner and dating them.

What is about anal sex that men on online dating sites seem to be looking for? It’s like the elusive unicorn for a threesome.

I have nothing against anal (it just wasn’t for me), but I am baffled by how this seems to be a trend with online hookups/dating.
Wicked Wednesday

  8 Responses to “Anal Slut”

  1. It’s an odd one. For me, anal has always been take it or leave it. If the woman I’m with enjoys it and expresses an interest in it, great; if she doesn’t, equally great. It’s never been a must-have for me. I can enjoy it if I perform it, I don’t miss it if I don’t.

    I agree though, everyone (possibly men especially) have their own expectations of what a “slut” is or does. I’ve always maintained that “slut” is a state of mind that really has very little to do with the particular activities the slut in question chooses to participate in, or the number of people she indulges in those activities with.

    Perception is everything and it is always good when people speak out like this to challenge pre-conceived perceptions.

    KW

    • Thank you for your thoughtful commentary. I agree, “slut” is a state of mind that has nothing to do with activities.

  2. I find it funny that kinky equates to anal, at first, then I thought a bit about my own experiences, specifically the kinky ones. Many involve ass play or anal.

    I am trying to think of a term that embodies kinky sans anal. I would think a more specific kink would need to be used. S&M or Bondage…spanking…something, but that would be rather forward for even a ‘slutfest’ profile.

    I believe for many men sex is rather vanilla. There is not a whole lot of experimentation or pushing of boundaries. So, kink is part of the forbidden, and what is more forbidden for a man then the back door?
    Pile on the porn industry with everyone taking it up the a-hole and there is the mental image that men want experience. I know that for a while I really wanted to bust my back door cherry, I had to go pro to get it done…meh…not all that wonderful of a first time. Later, I had some amazing butt sex with other great gals, I consider that kinky…

    Peeing on someone is also kinky…

    Choking someone is also kinky…

    Tying up and spanking is also kinky…

    Chaining someone upside down, stuffing a candle in their twat and lighting it is also REALLY kinky…

    So kinky can mean many things, if you were to put them on a scale of slightly kinky to Doritos/Monster/Mt Dew Extreme Kinky, I believe anal would be near the bottom (giggle).

    So, I understand why kinky=anal in the mind of many men. It is the safest first step on the stairway of kink and (I believe) an appropriate thing to ask, and hey, it is better to ask than assume.

    As far as the word slut and what it entails…each person attaches their own personal experience and baggage to that term, unfortunately. We can all believe what we want about the word ‘slut’ but for many people it does mean ‘easy and up for anything’.

  3. I was going to leave a totally different comment, about how stupid/strange it is that men read kink as anal, but then I read Peter’s comment and somehow it made sense, that men think that anal is the ‘safest’ first kink step and that’s why they come with that first. I wish we could come to a point where engaging in BDSM can be talked about as easily as engaging in vanilla sex, that when a profile says ‘kinky’ people can ask: what kind of kink are you into, instead of just ASSuming anal sex… I guess we still have a long way to go.

    Rebel xox

  4. “Kinky” or “open-minded” doesn’t mean anal, any more than it means “likes being spanked”. It can mean either, or lots of other things.
    I guess, though, there is is a fair degree of overlap.
    My sexual experience, since adolescence, consists almost entirely of women submissives. I think there might be a statistical correlation between “likes submitting” and “likes anal sex”, but I can’t just take the women I’ve personally fucked as being a Kinsey Report.
    Still, there’s a way in which accepting anal can feel like very intense surrender, I’ve been told and shown. Me, I’m a dom, and I know that I feel very conquest-y, very dommy, when fucking a girl anally. It feels very … personal.
    Other women have been submissive but not into anal. Or, in one case, submissive and quite liked anal, but didn’t feel at all submissive when being fucked anally. So people are different, and interpret what they do, or don’t do, differently.

    But – I’m speaking as a penetrator, not the penetratee, so take this with a pinch of salt – anal sex feels really good. To me, anyway.
    So it’s not surprising that many men want it. It’s only surprising that it’s a conversation-starter. “Hello, do you do anal?” is not how I’d begin any conversation I can imagine having.

    • Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I have zero real experience with anal sex so it’s interesting to read your perspectives of different situations

  5. Anal Means Something Different From Wife, Ex-Wife, Significant Other! Kinky and a Slut! Something New or Different!

  6. “Quick anal hookups” – That’s a great line!

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