Dec 072015
 

Mimir and I are negotiating with more sexual play mixed into our rope scenes.

This is an absolute first for me. It began with a message from him stating that now that we’ve played a bit and our partners are okay with each other, he would enjoy getting me to orgasm in rope and finding satisfaction in watching me find release.

It launched a talk between my husband and myself; and Mimir and his partner (not all together).

I obtained my husband’s support with boundaries before I approached Mimir with topics. I also told Mimir that while he was welcomed to communicate with my husband, my husband wasn’t the biggest fan of communication with anyone other me.

Mimir went ahead and sent him a message. In it, he expressed wanting explicit approval for certain types of play. He went over his history and experience with play, expressed an interest in hearing boundaries. Some types of things he was considering in scenes included knives, floggers, paddles, canes, bruising, e-stim, wax, mind fucks, Hitachi, dildos, touching of breasts or vagina.

My husband responded with a “thanks for contacting me (husband) but feel free to not contact me in the future”, and any negotiations will have to be with me and I know my boundaries. While a bit blunt and gruff, he went into how if I say it is okay then it’s as if he says it’s okay – that we share everything and he has complete trust in that. He gave advice on how to negotiate with me in a way that would still leave me guessing what the scene would be like.

Mimir and I began texting and decided on a rope scene without sexual play which still gave us some time to talk through a Hitachi scene. We mutually expressed an interest in orgasm play in rope. I let him know, however, that I don’t orgasm without penetration first (only time I have is with my husband who knows me so well). After he talked to his partner, we settled on the first scene we do sexually incorporating fingers, dildo, and Hitachi.

He did state that if I wanted he could tie my hands so that I could masturbate the next scene we did, if I wanted sexual stimulation and release. He said it would also help him understand my orgasms. While I appreciate how thorough he is, and his generous offer, I replied that masturbation is never something that I will feel the need to do as it is a very shy topic for me.

Mimir also told me to bring rope that I am fluid bonded to, which I did when we met up to discuss the negotiations in person and play in rope (in still a non sexual manner).

Our talk was much shorter than I thought it would be, with a discussion of each other’s concerns and our partener’s concerns and boundaries. I told him no e-stim, canes sounded intimidating but in the right head space I would probably be okay, and that I had read the message he sent my husband. He said that now that he knows that my husband’s preference is to go through me, he will respect that.

I asked explicitly, “so since we’re becoming sexual, is the end goal sex?”

He stated he would have to check with his partner, but he wasn’t opposed to it.

We discussed safe words and what the words mean to us.

And then we did a scene that lasted hours and was glorious even without sexual play.

He teased and tempted a beautiful line of doing: “whatever I could within the perimeters of the boundaries we set for tonight,” he later told me. It was a great way to increase sexual tension without the actual touching, and made me anticipate the next scene that was planned to incorporate sexual touching.

At the end of the scene, we discussed how he began using a hairbrush and realized that wasn’t negotiated so stopped. I explained that to prevent a stopping of something in scene, I would simply tell him when I wanted him to stop or not use something. After all, by this time, we had negotiated scratchy surfaces and paddles – a hairbrush could be both of those, so I am not concerned that he will overstep any boundaries and if he does I am confident that he would stop do I ask him to.

I ended the night with a discussion of sleepovers. We don’t live all that close to each other, and if I become exhausted from a scene we’ve had, I would like to know if that’s an option. Not to mention that I have responsibilities at home and so if he could come over to me from time it would be far more convenient.

Wicked WednesdayBesides Wicked Wednesday’s perfect prompt of “Boundaries” (which this post was already titled), Exhibit Unadorned is having Christmas Erotica Prompts, and this one fits the song 2000 Miles pretty well, as my husband agreed to sexual play with others because we’re long distance, and it feels like a selfless present from him that I can do so. Also, I get pretty excited thinking about upcoming scenes with Mimir, like opening a gift. I am grateful to both men.

 Posted by at 6:37 am

  5 Responses to “Boundaries”

  1. I love how the relationship between you and Mimir is developing, but also love to see the openness betwee you and your husband. It’s beautiful!

    Rebel xox

  2. I love this. It could be a primer on how to communicate and negotiate boundaries in D/s and non-monogamous relationships.

  3. I’m with Malin. It was really cool to read about how your negotiations worked out, and to see someone so concerned with consent. One might call it refreshing. Thanks for sharing!

  4. That’s good that your husband totally trusts you and your judgement. I don’t think my wife would totally trust my judgement. We haven’t tested that theory as I have no male play partners. I will have to continue to live vicariously through you. 🙂

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