Mar 222017

Don’t come empty handed, I’m a handful.

I am not an autopilot woman. You cannot let do my thing without some involvement. If you leave me, if you neglect me, if you do not provide the things that I need to run a course that we have set together, I will run in a different direction – it is just who I am.

I don’t require a lot, depending on the level of intimacy you want with me.

A one night stand: be attractive to me physically, and show some skill and a little consideration in the bedroom, brings condoms – you know what fits you best and what you prefer.

Play Partners: show aftercare – even if it’s just checking in the day after; show you know my interests and levels and try to meet me halfway towards your own, respect my boundaries.

Long Term Play Partner: show thoughtfulness and communication that is somewhat consistent (not daily, but perhaps weekly?), share the desires and fantasies so that I maintain a clue about wants. Create a safe space to share without judgment. Do all the things that a play partner would do.

A lover: show skill in the bedroom, be generous with orgasms, know what makes me hot, allow me to please you, talk to me on intimate matters, stay in contact a bit more than weekly, share desires. Do all the things that a one night stand would do.

A relationship: know what makes me tick, believe me when I tell you what I need (I don’t expect anyone to mind read), respect my need for independence is just as strong as my need to be supported, listen, daily communication, share dreams, goals, desires, fantasies, get along with my kids, introduce me to your family, understand that I won’t always be around and I will also respect your need to get away with friends and space and hobbies. Do all the things that every single one of these roles would do (perhaps minus the condoms if we’re fluid bonded).
Wicked Wednesday

Dec 122015

Santa Baby,

I’ve been a perfect angel this year. I think it’s time to start checking on the naughty list and give me a lover, extra goodies for you if he’s wrapped tightly and helpless on my floor when I see him, and he has a look to him that indicates the minute I unwrap him, he will bind me next. Based on my previous lovers, here’s a list of things you need find in him:

I like words most of all.

I like hints of what’s to come: how excited a partner is beforehand, how he is preparing, a suggestion of how I will be uncomfortable or enjoy it or both.

I like reassurance I am desired, that he finds pleasure in me, that I taste delicious, that I feel good, that he likes the way I smell, subtly sniffs his own fingers in remembrance of my passion…that I did good, that I am skilled.

I like being told what to do and how to do it, that I am helpless, powerless, that I have no control.

I like to know what he found pleasant about me or the scene, what was/is hot. I want to know what he felt or was thinking. I write about scenes or sex after the fact, having any sort of specific feedback is not only rare, it’s cherished by me because I will get to see his perspective.

I like to be pushed out of comfort zones but trusting that hard limits are respected.

I like when a partner can understand me, know when a groan is frustration or pain or pleasure, know that no doesn’t mean no – stop, know that I blush easily at certain things and what I will tolerate.

I like pleasure; I like orgasm control whether it’s a push for multiples beyond my pleas to stop or a teasing denial or a command to not climax despite wanting to.

I like pain, but only as an assistant to pleasure – a build up of mind games, a sensitive body, a sharpness at the height of orgasm.

Santa, you know who’s being naughty and nice; I’m trusting you to stuff my stocking just the way I like it.

Based on the song Santa Baby for Exhibit Unadorned’s Christmas Erotica Prompts.

 Posted by at 10:12 am
Sep 102015

For some reason, I really do escape a lot of the messages that other people receive on social sites. I am not often approached with anything inappropriate.

So unexpectedly, I received a very long story of what someone wants to do to me, with no introductions other than a physical description of how he (a random man/stranger) looks, his cock size and its ability. While I also like to write erotica, his need to write erotica as a means of introduction was not appropriate nor appreciated. And it was probably cut and pasted to a number of females, as I doubt I inspired so much inspiration of an entire story. Because I’m a bit OCD about reading things, I read the entirety, but will spare any other reader to get to the part that I just couldn’t help but chuckle over:

After the foreplay session, I would like to enter you in your favorite position. Then I move very slowly and enjoy the feeling of entry. Next, I pull back and give you nine short strokes than one slow, long stroke. Then eight short strokes, followed by two slow long strokes. Then seven short strokes and three slow, long strokes, followed by six short strokes and four slow, long strokes. I repeat this pattern all the way to one short stroke to nine slow long strokes. Then I reverse the pattern working backwards up the pattern of nine short to nine long to nine long then nine short.

I am a male so I will loose some drive after climax, but I would like to keep you reaching your climax, I will lightly (or your desired pressure) stroke your clitoris with my fingers; knead your buttocks like bread dough until reenergized. Then I will start all over again

[jwplayer mediaid=”4194″]

Really, this video cracked me up. Some of the lyrics are too perfect!

Let’s explore; he is going to give me (in strokes):

9 short, 1 long = 10

8 short, 2 long = 10

7 short, 3 long = 10

6 short, 4 long = 10

….and so on, and then reverse the pattern.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the number 10, from The Count, who apparently is so excited to count to ten that he can easily keep track while having sex – back and forth with these exciting numbers that add to ten, until he climaxes from the pure joy of counting. When reading the paragraph, all I could hear is The Count’s voice with his laugh after each number.

Now, he’s considerate – he’ll apparently please me until he’s ready to start counting all over again (as a side note he’s wrong: stroking my clitoris with fingers wouldn’t please me at this point in the game).

Honestly, I’m a bit in awe of him, because I’m too busy enjoying sex most of the time to be able to do even the simplest of addition problems; so he’s clearly a better lover than I am.

I understand that sometimes we don’t know how to approach people, sometimes we lack common sense and manners, but a simple “hello, I’m ______, I think we may have some common interests such as _________ and would be interested in meeting up/chatting/writing back and forth to explore them further” would be a tad more successful as a means of introduction.

*Also, I believe that any mathematical problems of this nature become redundant and take away the sexy factor from the erotica – just a piece of advice for any writers out there who like math problems (but counting as a punishment or anticipation is hot, so go that route); but that’s just my opinion.

 Posted by at 5:33 am
Jun 232015

1. What would you eat for your “last supper”?

My mom’s spaghetti. If that miracle is not possible, then a large dessert bar, because desserts are delicious.

2. Name 3 interesting and unique things to do in your town/city/region.

Kinky Hunt (granted this isn’t public), beach, mudding

3. Tell us 2 things that terrify you.

Zombies – they seriously terrify me so much I’ll just list that as it’s all-encompassing, even the the old black and white cheesy movie zombies that were obviously fake. The noise, the way they move, they give me nightmares for months if I see them, so much so that my family goes to great lengths to shelter me from anything zombie related.

4. Give us your best sex tip.

Have fun! (Yep, that truly is the best tip. Enthusiasm and enjoyment is obvious, and you and your partner will greatly benefit from just relaxing and having fun in the moment.) 

5. What do you have that you need to throw away?

So much! Having just packed for a move, a lot was discarded (thrown out or donated), but I still held onto far too much. Currently in my possession? Nothing, there is no trash around me.

Bonus: Would you participate in a sex organ beauty pageant? Why or why not?

No, that sounds weird, and I wouldn’t participate in a pageant type thing anyhow. Not to mention that competition with appearances really just bothers me. 


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link totmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

 Posted by at 11:40 am
Jun 162015

Dear Sugar Dumpling*:

I LOVE YOU, hence why I was crazy enough to marry you and travel all over who-knows-where-the-military-will-send-us-next. I will wait through deployments. I will parent and do everything else around the house solo when necessary. Only please do me a favor…okay, okay, a few favors:

1. Stop ruining the mood, either before or after sex. Last night, when I was in a hazy sexual high, you joking that your ugly big toe would please me next was uncalled for…and took me out of that high. Ew, gross, and that’s not the worst you’ve said.

2. I know you’re a tall man, but you are no basketball player. Undressing next to your side of the bed could be sexy, you throwing your clothes across the bed (and me) and room, and not even coming close to the hamper isn’t. You know what’s sexy all the time? Undressing next to my side of the bed where you are closer to the hamper, and then your naked self can crawl on top of me…mmm, sexy.

3. Speaking of sexy, a man showering is sexy, but flushing the toilet before you hop in shower is appreciated. Especially when you forget by the time  you get out of the shower. Yes, the water may be cold for a second, but it’s better than your wife having to flush the toilet later.

4. Speaking of the bathroom and your wife doing things, do not make me get off of a toilet to get toilet paper. Please replace the roll.

5. You are so strong, and while I love that strength to pick me up with ease, I don’t like it displayed when screwing on lids. Remember that your wife possesses small, weak hands in comparison, and no amount of using kitchen aides to try to open shit helps when superman hands forget that fact.

6. I know you’re still not sure what you’re going to do when you get out of the military, but you have never discussed being a scientist. Please stop growing science experiments in tupperware containers in your car, and then remembering them weeks later as you leave them on the kitchen counter for me to deal with.

7. Speaking of your car, that thing is magnificent. I remember going parking in it constantly, the seats moving down perfectly where we could both lay side by side together. Do not use that glorious space to lose household items: specifically cups, plates, bowls, silverware (I’m running out of that stuff, don’t you know), important paperwork, and so on.


Remember, I love you. And you are ridiculously sexy, you take my breath away still when I look at you. These are just suggestions on how to be even more sexy.

*when we argue, especially in front of kids, one of us (the calmer one) will call the other a ridiculous name. The rule is then the other person has to stop and think of something equally ridiculous. It really does help diffuse our anger.

**Oh, I’m quite sure that there’s more, but I’ll let these things sink in and hopefully change.
Wicked Wednesday

May 052015

When M asked me if I would do the Wicked Wednesday on dating, I figured it would be fitting… After all, I do a lot of it.

I however, would definitely not be the greatest person to ask for advice. I do a lot of dating, which means I haven’t gotten it right. It seems my picker for men is broken. I have dated a series of men who ended up being not even close to worth my time.

So, let’s go over my BAD dating habits:

I ignore a lot of red flags

I’ve fallen for it when men say they’re just starting a separation. I’ve discovered that’s code for just cheating for a bit.

I choose to believe, despite my BS sensor going off, most of the shit they tell me.

I give everyone my all, even when they’re only giving me a fraction.

I fall too fast.

I give too many chances.

I chase after men who don’t put nearly the level of effort in for me.

I have a hard time letting go.

And even when I do find an amazing man, it seems like there’s always sexual compatibility problems.

In the sea of all of these problems I have with dating, there is a bright side. I am currently seeing someone who, despite a few fail sex moments, I’ve had none of the above problems with. I’m keeping my fingers crossed, but I’m not putting any pressure on it. I am however enjoying every minute of dating someone without all of the stress and bad choices I’ve made in the past. Wish me luck!
Wicked Wednesday

 Posted by at 12:42 am  Tagged with:
Apr 212015

R is for Rules of Progression, for our A to Z Challenge, and perfect for the Wicked Wednesday prompt.

Amazingly enough, I’ve had people ask me for advice. Best thing I can think of? Communication and progression.

In yoga, most cannot just go into a back bend or any other serious stretch without working up to it. You need to work up to it, no matter how many years you’ve been doing it. It’s better for the body, and for preventing injuries. So while I can just do a back bend, from a standing position even, I shouldn’t.

Same with anything sexual. I’ll start by stating that everything should be discussed, as everyone’s likes and dislikes are different, but for the most part, some things need to be worked up to, especially if this is new. Let’s discuss a few.

Spanking/Whipping/Flogging (impact): Start softer before moving to full force (if at all). And a rhythm helps the person brace for it. In between the different levels of forcefulness, a brief break with patting/stroking/teasing is welcomed.

Massager/Vibrating Toys: Don’t just go on high, don’t just press it as hard as you can and hold it there for forever, especially with zero build up/foreplay. It can be seriously overwhelming. Start with foreplay, build up the mood, start with a slow sensation of vibration and tease by taking away after a brief time and going back to foreplay, then as the mood build, so can the intensity of the vibration and the time length of holding it there. Check with your partner after orgasm if they are too sensitive to continue (many may need a break after pleasure).

Positions: okay, this is more like the yoga scenario, don’t just grab their legs and force them behind their head. Don’t brace your weight on their ankles as they’re by their ears (this may be a never scenario). If you outweigh your partner, be careful to even brace your weight on the back of their thighs if their legs are folded up (you can easily hurt the hips this way). In more complicated positions, give them time to stretch into them, to change out of them after a time, to prevent soreness. Which brings me into…

Rope Play/bondage: If legs are tied spread apart, especially spread and up, stiffness can occur. Don’t just tie someone and force them into positions with rope – their body won’t like you when done (so pulling on rope to force legs apart even wider is bad when they yelp). Allow them to naturally be in a position and then tie around that position – at least until you both know the limits. Don’t watch a YouTube video on rope play and decide to suspend someone when you’ve never even learned to tie a wrist properly. Start with a wrist, an ankle, a harness – take classes (there are many) before raising someone off of the ground.

Anal: There are anal trainers on the market. For a reason. It’s a good idea to start with something small and work your way up to larger objects, allowing the body to stretch. This prevents tearing and other complications. During anal sex, slowly ease in once the person has worked up the width to accomodate you, checking in often that they are okay with the length and width.

Large Toys or Fisting: Please refer to Anal.

Sex: make sure they’re wet, or use lube. Unless you both are into that type of pain. Don’t just ram it in.

Candle (or temperature play): Don’t just dump wax! Try a few testing drops in different zones and see what areas are more sensitive than others. Discuss like and dislikes. Then move onto more wax on zones that can handle it. Same goes for any hot or cold item.

With anything new or experimental, you should at least verbally check with your partner and communicate about specifics before just getting into it, communicate during, and have an honest conversation afterwards about favorite parts and concerns. To shy to straight up ask for something new? Share a picture or a video and confess that it turns you on as a conversation opener.

Wicked Wednesday

 Posted by at 8:36 am
Apr 012015

A: A post from A with Advice, on the A-Z Challenge

I’ve had a lot of partners in the past be completely oblivious to my needs sexually. Even when I voice them. It’s frustrating and has led to a LOT of fake orgasms. I realize that this isn’t helping my needs get met, but sometimes, you just have to throw in the towel.


With my schedule freeing up shortly, I was looking for ways to grow and expand our blog. I recalled the fun I had recording an orgasm for a friend’s podcast, and the fact that EVERYONE I game with tells me I sound sexy.


I don’t know the first thing about audio recording or editing. That’s far outside my realm of experience. Lucky for me, I just so happen to know someone who does their own podcasts, has the equipment, and is totally willing to help. He’s also interested in me.


I do wine Friday with some of the lovely women I am privileged to know from fet. You can’t get us together, especially with wine involved, without some hilarious, kinky talks. I figured wine Friday was the best time to do it, and invited him along.


The wine Friday girls don’t hold back. Our conversations are intimate and honest. That’s what I wanted to capture on our podcast. It was a bit awkward for me to blandly talk about my wants and needs with him there, but in the interest of the blog, I let it fly. From the fake orgasms, to how oral doesn’t do much for me unless your hands are involved, and how I’m noisy for my partner; the real clue you’re doing something right is when I go dead quiet and start holding my breath because I’m focusing to get the REAL orgasm.


I drank a bit too much wine, had a great time with the girl (who we coincidentally ruined all the audio by laughing too hard and accidentally using real names every other sentence), and started trying to figure out how to train us NOT to use each other’s names. After our fun night, I didn’t see my guy for about a week and a half.


Then we had sex…


Holy mother of orgasms! During wine Friday he had been quiet, focused on audio levels, and didn’t even join in the laugh riots… apparently he had also been focusing quite intently on what I was saying. Suddenly, in the space of one session to another, I had an entirely new lover on my hands. He figured out oral better than anyone had before and immediately set the record for fastest orgasm during oral…


Then he went on to bust one of my harder tasks: more than one orgasm in a session. Most of the time for me, once I have an orgasm, my body kinda “closes down shop” so to speak. It’s like a man losing his erection after orgasm. It takes massive amounts of work to get those extra special sensations back, both on his part in effort, and on mine for focus.


My mind was so blown at the changes! Our sex was good before, but suddenly it was spectacular. I’d already noticed he’s an incredibly atune guy, he quietly does considerate things without needing me to ask, but this took that to a whole new level. Not only was my body impressed, my mind was as well, and that’s the more important in my eyes.


So guys (and girls), pay attention to what your lover says, and you just might be rewarded by bringing them to more earth shattering orgasms. After all, a happy girl is one who redoubles her efforts towards YOU as well.

Feb 102015

In the world of digital romance and online dating sites, the way the game is played is quite different than it used to be. Much like how we’re all looking for the newest, spiffiest gadget or car, online dating has brought that sense of impatience and always looking for the next big thing, into our love lives.

First dates used to be exciting. Sure there was nervousness, but before online dating, you used to know a bit more about who you were going on a date with, and unless it was a blind date, you already had one crucial question answered: if you were even attracted to the person.

Now the first date is all about interview. You assess chemistry, questions are asked to judge compatibility… every first date is the same, no matter how different the plans might be. The enjoyment of being on a first date is gone. Many first dates never go on to be second dates, even if you thought the first date went well and they seemed interested. It’s the nature the beast now.

Even if there isn’t chemistry, I’ve (luckily) never had a truly bad date. I’m social and outgoing, so I can carry a date if I need to. However, it gets exhausting sometimes, and it’s easy to get burnt out and need a break.

Oh, ummm, yeah,  I'm getting ready for our date...

Oh, ummm, yeah, I’m getting ready for our date…

Its at this point that I start blowing off dates. I simply can’t keep up with it. Imagine going to 4-5 job interviews a week? Yeah, no thanks!

I have way more success finding dates though more conventional means. I already know if they make my temperature rise, I already, for the most part, know the answers to the basic questions about that person. These are dates that I actually get to enjoy spending time with someone and getting to know them better.

If you want my advice: get away from your app and go find places to meet new people. Join a hobby group, go to clubs with social atmospheres. Even other forms of online social interactions are far more successful. I’ve met boyfriends through video games, I meet people through fetlife. At least with these mediums you’re interacting with people with similar interests.

So put away your dating resume, and just start having a good time.

Wicked Wednesday
February Photofest 2015

Oct 292014

It’s eye opening to see posts bloggers write, that instead of the warm and fuzzies, it’s the reality of life and the struggles we all go through. Like so many people I go through struggles within myself about anxiety, depression, body image, and self worth.   I often try to block out negative things in the world around me, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized that a great deal of some of my more recent struggles weren’t perpetuated by media, but rather, quite a bit closer to home. So close, in fact, that they were in the bed next to me… closer still, in my heart.   I’m a bit fragile, I realize. I dive in too fast, I give too much, and I live too passionately. There are a great many things in my life that I’ve set up for myself.

In my life, there have been 3 men who are my kryptonite.   Bachelor 1) Is honestly one of the most admirable men I know. He somehow manages a military career while balancing being one of the most amazing parents I’ve seen to a child with a disability. To see them together would melt the hardest of hearts. I fell fast because there was nothing about him that wasn’t appealing to me. He wasn’t ready at the time and broke things off. We remained in contact and I watched the pattern repeat, hoping that eventually, he’d be in the mental space and I’d get another chance. He loved that I was so sexually open, and we’d frequently hook up. He tells me what an amazing woman I am, and I hold that in my heart.

Bachelor (of sorts) 2: geez where to start. Everything about this man had me wrapped in a web. Literally as a matter of fact when we’d do rope bondage together. Our BDSM relationship was just made hotter by the absolute mind meld we had. I’ve never been so mentally stimulated in my life and the sex was incredible. The hiccup came when I realized that’s his considered separation ended with him deciding against leaving his marriage.   Yes I know, bad A, but frankly I got involved, and then entangled, while he was separating. So when he gave me his, completely sympathetic, reasons for staying, and expressed that he was too attached to me to just let me go, I continued to see him. There were things about us that, I too, wasn’t willing to walk away from.

Bachelor (again, of sorts) 3: our story, which I’ve touched on briefly in one post, and have written more fully in another (yet to be published) is the stuff of dreams. We met on the highway. In moving vehicles on the highway, and it’s a memory I cherish. From the first contact on the phone, I felt at ease. Because of circumstances, we ended up talking for almost a year before we met. I opened the door on the day he finally came over annnd…. That was it. I was home. I’d found the home I didn’t know I was missing in a person I had just met (in real life). This one is particularly hard to describe because it felt almost, sacred. Beyond description. We both fell like rocks. He was separated from his spouse, and sorely missing his children. Later, out of no where, the wife then said she wanted to work on things and in an instant, my perfect relationship was gone. He had disappeared. I was shattered and heartbroken and couldn’t understand. A few months later he contacted me through email and I agreed to meet. We cried together for hours. The pain was so keen for both of us and we couldn’t bear to be apart. I can’t tell you, other than love, why I agreed to see him despite his still being with his wife. They don’t like each other. I know this for a fact. I think fear of change, and fear of being kept from his kids is what keeps him there, the wife stays because she can’t afford to leave financially. It hurt a great deal for me to say I could no longer see him as it wasn’t fair, but yet, I couldn’t help how my heart felt when he’d message me, how much I lit up at merely seeing his name in my inbox.

I’ve been going through a low period lately and was full of self loathing. I often lose my self in thought and tend to be introverted during these times. It was during one of these ruminations that I realized: I was self perpetuating the feelings of being a second class girl, by allowing myself to be treated as a second class girl by these men, and allowing them to think that it’s ok. I’m sure they see nothing wrong.

Having feelings for Bachelor 1 isn’t his fault. Agreeing to see him while he’s in between girlfriends isn’t his fault. However, it speaks volumes about his view of me when he’ll actually date these other women, but never me. It’s a toxic situation and degrading, but yet, that flame of hope is always right there in the background, prompting me to continue to be there.   It’s an incredibly similar story for the others. They kept track of me, keep in touch with me, and try to watch over me. No matter the story, or my empathetic response, when it comes down to brass tax, I’m a second class girl to them. I’m good enough to fuck, but not good enough to be with. I understand and support them in their decision of matrimony, I’m not speaking out against that.

The action of holding onto me, turning me into the “side chick” is the problem and degrading. It is decimating my self worth and warping my self view.   The most dynamic, compelling, , intense, and satisfying relationships in my life make it incredibly hard for me to walk away. Being on FIRE with someone just makes all the other relationships somehow dull, missing pieces. I feel like an asshole because I’ll still be involved, still be in a relationship where I am valued and treated as nothing less than first place, and it’s tepid… I question myself if I’m just a misery junky, if this is all my fault. I can’t wrap my head around all of it and I never will most likely. I just wish that I could have both. I feel like, I’m worth it… right? I’m worth it? That shouldn’t be an impossible hope. I despair that it will ever happen, and these struggles continue.