Jul 092016

3So anal fisting was on his list of things to try. I was afraid he would crush my hand but slowly, gently we tried it.

I have to say, it was awesome. For one, I was in awe that my entire hand could fit inside of him; it was pretty cool to see it completely disappear. For another, any time I get to see him stroke himself to climax is always fucking hot. And finally, the fact that we trusted each other to try something like this is special and rare.

Sinful Sunday


Jul 082016

Questions found from Insatiable Desire:

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

What used to be hard limits has certainly shifted and changed over the years. These are my limits, so they are solely my issues; I am not judgmental of people who enjoy these activities.

Bodily functions of urine or scat play, including catherization, douching and enemas. I am not even comfortable keeping the bathroom door open if I need to use the toilet.

Anal sex – anything anal is fairly new to me, and I’m still rarely in the mood for stimulation from something small anally, such as a finger or anal trainer plug.

Fisting (still won’t allow it on me), diapers, age play, religious scenes, duct tape directly on skin, needles.

Sex on grass or sand – I’m allergic to grass so that won’t be pleasant, and I really don’t want sand deep in my sensitive zones.

Intentional: bleeding, bruising in visible places, scarring, stretching. I understand that sometimes this may happen, and I take the risk with some activities, however I am not intentionally seeking these things.

*not including illegal, non consensual, harmful activities that I am uninterested in

**Written September 5, 2015. Since then some things have changed (I included a link to each of the write ups of them)

Jun 052016

*Maybe this needs a trigger warning? It certainly triggers me. This is NOT the consensual non consent scene; this was something I told him I was NOT doing the morning of. 

“Anal?” asked mid orgasm with a thumb in my ass, already in that high orgasm head space.

Still, I answered, “no.”



“Just the tip?”


“Just try it.”


“I’ll stop if you say.”

“No, thank you.”

“It’ll be slow and easy. You’re ready. Besides which, when will you ever do this again?”

“I don’t know. Never.”



He grabbed a condom , set it to the side, proceeded to have sex with me. After an orgasm, he put on the condom but it was just to continue having sex with me. Another orgasm.

He positioned me to the side, curled my legs up, positioned his tip at my back hole, and with a lot of lube slowly eased in.

“No, stop, it hurts.” I dug my nails into his chest.

“Shh, relax, it’s fine. I’ll stop here,” he grabbed my hair and yanked hard, diverting the pain to my scalp and eased in a bit more. Both hurt. He grabbed a vibrator and pushed it in my vagina, leaving less space in side of me but some pleasure. And pain. He eased in a bit more. “Relax,” he said in a soothing voice at my ear, his hand going around my throat, his fingertips pressing in.

“No,” I protested before the world faded. When I came to consciousness, he was completely inside of me, going a bit faster and harder. The vibrator didn’t override the large object moving painfully inside of me. After awhile, he pulls out, takes off the condom, then has PIV sex, coming immediately.


I cried, great heaving sobs, and he held me. “I’m proud of you, you did good,” he whispered in my ear.

I curled into his chest, seeking comfort from one who hurt me. I trusted him even though he pushed for anal sex and was about to leave me. I trusted him even though he told me that the weekend had to be a secret because he was now monogamous with his girlfriend and I – his wife – was now the other woman.

“I knew this would be hard for you.” He murmured into my tears.

Then why would he do it and leave? I consented but it was from a pathetic desperation to keep him that consented to something I was uncomfortable with and had zero desire to do.

I felt violated but I violated myself. I felt disgusting –  not the in the act but in the desperation. I trusted a man who would walk away. I allowed something uniquely special to a man who didn’t value my worth.

I cried so hard I slept and when I woke up, I cried again.

He had been inside of me in every way possible and would be gone in hours.

Feb 232016

[jwplayer mediaid=”5358″]

February Photofest Badge 2016Wicked Wednesday

*This was written five months ago, during that time we’ve done far more and we’ve destroyed our relationship. I’m allowing this to post unedited. What prompted this was the #WickedWednesday prompt of a song on shuffle, for this prompt is the song “Hearts Without Chains” by Ellie Goulding, though honestly any song I hear reminds me of him right now in my heartbroken state.

Before I met my husband, I was fighting my sexual desires: my high sex drive, my kink fantasies, my openness. I had a lot of negative opinions of myself, and I was trying to tamper down most of my natural inclinations. Here’s some things that I’ve accepted:

1. Squirting In thinking about it, I don’t believe that he was first person that I’ve done this with; however, he is the first person that can make me do this with ease. (Unfortunately, I also have an issue with this, due to his reaction the first time we realized I did this.)

2. Multiple partners I’ve definitely been promiscuous, and I’ve been in poly amorous relationships before, but I’ve never had sex with my partner in the same room – whether it’s threesome or swapping partners, until him.

3. Anal stimulation I was the woman who criticized anal play with women, stating I had no idea why they would like that (men made sense as I knew about the prostrate at least with them). Now, I occasionally like a bit of stimulation, and I like the full sensation of a plug while having sex. Pegging is also new to me, something I didn’t see myself ever doing, but his enjoyment is pretty awesome to watch.

4. BDSM I don’t necessary see us as engaging in this, but others do, and I’m a bit surprised at it. Still, since meeting him, I have explored a lot of aspect of this.

  • Impact play
  • Power dynamic
  • Choking
  • Intentional pain (I was used to bruises or rough sex, but never an intentional pain)
  • Orgasm control
 Posted by at 7:25 am
Dec 182015

He teased and prolonged foreplay, so that I was begging to be able to touch him, to kiss him. His price was something he had already done that night, but I was fearful of it: breath play or a blood choke- my choice. He had already done both.

Eventually I caved and decided before he did: blood choke. Breath play scares me because I’m so aware of the suffering and panic I go through. Blood choke is amazingly quick.

I’m not going to lie, both get me excited in the fear as well. Likewise, his next question of, “are you wet?” turned me on when questing fingers discovered that I was.

When I came to, I had the bargained price of full access to his body, and I promptly took advantage of it, climbed on top, began to suck and bite his neck. My hand reached between our bodies and I caressed him- cursing barely being able to reach him down his large body with my little arms, but my mouth wanted his neck. I gave up for the moment with my hands, instead delighted at his noises as I became rougher with my mouth against his pulse.

His hand reached down and stroked himself, his hips arched. He moaned. He reached over to the nightstand, managed to grasp the lube, applied it to his cock, and continued stroking.

Eventually more lube found his way on to a finger and he inserted it into my ass, became rougher and rougher as my teeth bit down amid his groans of pleasure. My mouth left wet marks all over his neck, created large sucking noises as it traversed between kisses and bites.

His other hand poured lube onto my ass cheek, lower back, messy in his distraction of what I was doing on top of him, before victoriously dripping down my between my cheeks where his thumb slipped in.

I moaned, I shifted on the other side of his neck, I begged him to fuck me. He told me not yet even as my thighs positioned to take him into me. I felt a finger in my vagina.

Did he not use that finger in my ass?

But it felt like a thumb, and that thumb was no longer in my ass.

I jumped off of him like lightning, trying to process raging needs of hormones with foggy, passionate desire clouding my thoughts.

He immediately knew something was wrong, asked as much.

I thought about it, the circumstances, pretty sure of the conclusion. I thought about how to phrase it, gulped away my shyness, and blurted out as quickly as I could before I lost the nerve: “did you just go ass to vagina?”

His eyes widened. “I knew that felt different,” his hand pushed my shoulder further away from him, urged while ordered, “go clean yourself. God, babe, I’m so sorry.” I rolled away towards the bathroom, tried to reassure him it was fine while attempting not to panic.

Did the five second rule apply to ass to vagina contact? I hoped so. It may not have even been five seconds, but it was a new experience for me, and one I didn’t wish to duplicate in the future. And how did I go about cleaning myself, exactly? I tensed and tried to push out.  I didn’t have outside parts. I took a wet cloth and washed the entrance and thoroughly along the outside.

I wasn’t sure what further to do, other than leave the bathroom and continue on. So we had sex.

And then I worried some more.

*Unlike many other new experiences, this one was not a lovely surprise. Nothing happened, but it still doesn’t bear repeating. Dredged up from embarrassing drafts where it’s been sitting for months, just for the Christmas Erotica Prompt, to the song of Back Door Santa.

 Posted by at 9:20 am
Nov 012015

The text:

I want a picture…you will get dressed in your stockings we got you I like, with your crotchless panties, and take pictures. I want a couple of pictures of you playing with yourself and then in child’s pose. If you are feeling real frisky take your new plug and put it in, pull your underwear to expose yourself while in child’s pose, and take that picture. This may be hard to do but you can use your phone timer, or something, I am sure you can figure it out. Only need to send one picture, you can send more, but I think they will turn out good and we can use them for later [for the blog].

He’s never before been so specific, so detailed, nor has he ever demanded a photo. In the past, he only hinted or suggested I take one for him.

I think this reflects that he is aware of more of what he likes and wants.

I think this also reflects that gradual change that has occurred in our relationship – he’s more dominant overall nowadays.

This wasn’t the only request he made of me, oh no, it was only the first during a recent separation. I sent him that picture, anxious to make him proud, and because he mentioned it, used a plug – even though I don’t play that way with myself, even though I still don’t care for anal stimulation the majority of the time.

He only requested a photo. I sent him 4, and a video. I’m an overachiever, I guess, and I wanted him to know that I took his request seriously. It turned me on so much that he had even demanded so specifically and not giving me the option to say no.

He gave me a deadline and everything.

When he’s called, he’s also been whispering what he has planned for us…for me. He has this scene that required yet another video to carry out – a video that he demanded I make of where I orgasm three times…

“But I can’t do that to myself. After I get sensitive, I quit. It’s too overwhelming to do that to myself,” I protested, not wanting to discourage him from his demand, but completely convinced that I wouldn’t carry it through. Nothing makes me call it quits quite like too much pleasure.

“Yes you can, and you will.” He didn’t even listen to my argument. “I have every intention of tying you up to the bed and watching it with you there while I masturbate and come to it. So you better provide it for me.”

God the words turned me on so badly I wanted to give him the video. I managed it too, but to create such overwhelming sensitivity as multiple orgasms wasn’t easy.

He sheds bit and pieces of the scene he has planned on his homecoming night, all completely pushing my boundaries, things that make me stutter and squirm while listening to his whispered words.

“Touch yourself,” he’ll instruct me. “You’re wet.”

And I am, so wet.

“I know you’re blushing, but you want it,” he’ll sometimes say, and he’s right on that account too. I am blushing, but I do want it…or at least the thought turns me on and intrigues me.

God help me when he returns.

*To read about how he used the video when he returned, click here.

 Posted by at 5:14 am
Sep 292015

b2554February 2015: Cold Water

A play partner had wrapped me again, this time leaving my nipples exposed. Then he turned me over to my husband, who had already tortured my nipples in clamps during a suspension. Sure enough, back on when the clamps and I found myself laying down. He ordered me to cum after moving the wraps aside enough to thrust a vibrator in, and I silently did – in a quiet corner of a dungeon with him holding and blocking the view from others. It was so hot by the time I came, my face was damp with perspiration and the rest of me sweltered in the wraps. He removed the clamps and pulled the wrapped opening around my nipples as much as he could from the skin, taking a cold water that my play partner had grabbed (for my aftercare) and dribbled a bit of the shocking cold liquid into the wraps.

I heard the dungeon-owner comment that while it may not look torturous, it was to me. I am almost always cold and it takes me a long time to warm up. I avoid cold temperatures if I can.

I couldn’t avoid it, I gasped as the artic water slipped into my hot wraps, slid against my heated flesh, ran where it could and pooled where it couldn’t. He pulled the other side and carefully poured a small amount in. I protested, and though I was bound tightly, I bent my knees and kicked out with my feet, managing to turn myself over onto my stomach so that he couldn’t get into the wraps again.

I heard a few comments about how determined I must’ve been – I was tightly bound from neck to ankle in wrappings, after all.

Gosh, I hate being cold. And to be so hot from inside a wrapping that has now been invaded by cold liquid was so shocking to my skin.


Being held after the cold water hit me, black lights affected the picture without the camera’s flash on

My husband was having none of it, and rolled me back around, adding more wrap to my feet and knees so that I couldn’t even manage the brief amount it took to roll over.

I heard my play partner laugh and thought that it was his fault I was in this predicament – after all, he left my nipples exposed and open to the possibility.




April 2015: Anal Orgasm: Gosh I suck at not immediately writing about it but I still feel the need to share. I don’t normally like anal penetration of anything. I don’t like plugs and only rarely feel in the mood for a finger up my ass. And yet, somehow he got me so sensitive from orgasms that when he inserted a finger in my ass, it increased my own orgasms to the point where he pulled away from all other sensations but kept the finger, I continued to orgasm. He told me before I came that he wanted me to be fully aware that I was about to climax strictly from anal stimulation.

Somehow I feel this deserves something awesome like a high-five, a pat on the back, or a trophy. It feels like a victory of sorts that needs to be congratulated.

April 2015: Rope Around: he grabbed a long piece of rope and doubled it, placed it underneath my breasts and around my chest, then up the back and around to my mouth, pressed the rope into my mouth to serve as gag. Then back around to use the rest of the rope to tie my wrists behind me. Now I was gagged and wrists bound. He fingered me to several orgasms, licked around my lips where the rope prevented me from kissing his soft lips and taunting tongue, and stroked himself above my face, sliding his hard cock against the rope in my mouth. I could smell his scent that was uniquely his own. My mouth watered but I couldn’t taste him.

As he had sex with me, he flipped me sideways and moved the gag to around my neck, gently pulling it taunt, enough that I could feel the pressure around my delicate neck. He watched me carefully in this position, the side angle giving him the view of my neck and half my face. I orgasmed.

He flipped me onto my stomach, his hand replaced the rope and squeezed a bit more as he ordered me to tighten and make him cum, his breath harsh in my ear as his body rocked against my thighs, butt, and back. We both orgasmed.

*Wicked Wednesday is the prompt: revisiting. Here are some moments that I have written but not published.Wicked Wednesday

 Posted by at 2:17 pm
Jul 302015

We argued, and I couldn’t sleep. Finally around midnight, I pulled him into bed. “Make it right,” I demanded.

He laughed and kissed me softly, no tongue. I rolled my eyes, not quite what I had in mind and he knew it, so I pushed the covers off of him and kissed the head of his penis, just as softly. Then I looked up – not quite what he had in mind when I went down, I could tell. I winked and then moved my mouth as low as I could on the shaft, felt the thick head hit the back of my throat, increased the suction, and pulled up. One hand steadied his thickly engorged member at the base, the other hand cupped and gently played with his balls as I kept move my mouth up and down. He whispered encouragements, or quiet sighs, his hand swept my hair away and held it up so that he could watch.

After a few minutes I moved up, kissed a trail up his body until I got to his neck, and then gently nipped it and applied more pressure on his more sensitive areas, felt his pulse throb under my probing tongue. His hand moved between my legs and stroked up and down my lips. I wasn’t quite wet enough for him to dip in yet. The hand moved up to nipples, pinched each other briefly between his fingers, and then to my shoulder. He gently pushed me to my back, off of his neck, and then rolled me to my side, positioned his mouth between my legs. One hand held my top leg up and his tongue swept up and down my lips, before his hand separated my lips for his tongue to settle into my sex more fully. He sucked while moving his tongue around and in and out of my entrance, and soon I panted and begged for more. One hand moved to my clit, an awkward angle considering I was still lying on my side, and teased the bud while his mouth still fucked me. I tried to push myself more fully onto his mouth, unable to stop myself from moving into him.

Taking his mouth away, he rotated me so I lay on my stomach, inserted a finger in my own very slick sex, his tongue almost doing a questioning lick at my anus. He normally doesn’t go back there, but I was too gone in my own pleasurable sensations to do anything more than moan my appreciation, and hinged my hips against his tongue and fingers. Two fingers, and rimming in earnest began, and I moaned and climaxed, not in my usual hard way, but slowly and softly.

“Hold on,” he said quietly, and stretched to over the side of the bed. By this point I was chest down, ass up on the bed, and swiftly I had a buzzing and vibrating toy thrusted down into me, rubbed my g-spot easily from this angle, his mouth back between my cheeks, and I orgasmed so quickly and hard, screamed. Before one orgasm had even ebbed another one began and then another and I was lost completely to the world, swept up in pleasure.

After three incredible orgasms, he positioned himself up between my legs, entered me violently, reached over for some lube and made me slick before slipping his thumb in my ass, pushed down slightly, giving me a full feeling. His other hand smacked my ass hard. His cock pumped in and out at a downward angle, continued to slide against my g-spot as his head slammed against my wall, and I screamed with an immediate orgasm, my body so tense, so full. Again, his other hand came on to spank my already red cheek. Again, before one orgasm could completely allow me down another built and crest, and I clenched around his shaft, his thumb, held my breath, felt my already sensitive heated cheek being smacked, became dizzy, moaned, screamed, and cursed as yet another orgasm came. I felt him push himself more fully, shudder with the force of his own orgasm.

When he pulled out, I already came again, moaned softly at the feeling of the ridges of his head moving along my walls before he was gone. His thumb slowly moved out, and I couldn’t believe how sensitive I was even there. I let my shaking legs straighten and sunk into the soft mattress, utterly spent. My head was foggy, my thoughts incoherent, but I turned my head and smiled, unable to see his hand descend upon that same fiery cheek. I yelped at the sting, instinctively moved up towards the source of pain; found that a strange reaction instead of moving away, a moan followed a yelp.

“God that feels good,” the words dripped out of my mouth, unbidden, like my wetness flowed down my thighs from the sudden tightening the spank gave me. His hand came down again, and again I moaned into it. Suddenly his fingertips ran softly over my oh-so-sensitive skin, and I tightened and tensed, raised my hips, thighs pressed together as my body clenched itself into another orgasm. I was just surprised as he was, and he spanked my ass a few more times, the pain intense, the pleasure overrode the pain. His mouth followed his hand, licked up and down the hand imprints, and I begged for something incoherently, his mouth now alternated between soft licks, hard suction. He smacked a few more times, following with his mouth a few more times, and I came in the tension my body created.

His fingers sunk between my legs and he grazed my g-spot, brought me to another orgasm and I was again mindless.

Breathless by the time he moved away from me, I rolled over my back, the one side of my ass so aware of all the fibers of the sheet. I panted, by this time hours of pleasure not allowing me any sense of realism, and unable to help himself from toying with my quivering self, his fingers grazed my clit. I sucked in my breath, already felt dizzy from the slight contact, my legs parted without thought. Suddenly two of his fingers danced upon my pearl, and I was so taken with pleasure I had no idea how I ended up laying with my back on his chest, one solid arm across my shoulder and neck so finger could tugged at a nipple, the other hand quickly alternated between slipping into my sex and rubbing up into my clit.

I screamed, arched against him, arched into his tormenting and pleasure inducing fingers, both on my breast and between my legs. I felt his breath against my ear, harsh and ragged as if he matched my own breathing; his body seemed to be an unforgiving hard mass against my back and my throbbing swollen ass. It seemed as if my scream last for days, and I don’t remember quite coming back to the present, just his sexy voice quietly promised to leave me alone now. I think I drifted; I think I got up shortly afterwards to clean myself up, my legs a wobbly mess and he playfully slapped my ass lightly, but it was still so sensitive, and it felt so good that my legs almost collapsed underneath me. I think he said something to the effect that I came every way imaginable tonight, and I mumbled what other ways he could surprise me about myself.

I don’t remember if I ever really opened my eyes, it seemed as if the world shut itself out and the after moments were but a dream. I slept soundly.

*Held in drafts since May 2013.

 Posted by at 8:07 am
Apr 072015

F is for Face Fucking, for our A-Z Challenge. He was rough when I told him how I masturbated that day.

“This is my rectangle,” said as a statement, but it sounded as if a question, so I nodded. It’s a statement he makes whenever we are lying in bed – his joke being I am in charge outside of the borders of our bed (though he asserts his sexual dominance wherever he feels like).

I was leaning up on my side, getting ready to kiss him as he lay beside me, but he wound his fingers at the base of my skull and pushed me down to his cock. He allowed me set the pace for a minute, and then pushed my head down further than I was going. After deep throating for another minute or two, he pinched my nose as he shoved his cock to the back of my throat as far as he could. Unexpected, I tried not to panic. Thirty seconds and he yanked me up to his face, looked at my face.

“You didn’t expect that,” I nodded, tears in my eyes from almost gagging. “Again.”

And after another few minutes, he pinched my nose again, this time increasing the breath play. I tapped his thigh and he yanked me off of his cock. I gulped in air and he pushed my head down and hit the back of my throat and kept sliding forward. I still couldn’t breathe, though he wasn’t pinching my nose, and I gagged, drool coated his entire shaft and pooled at the bottom.

My head was again yanked up. “Clean it up,” he told me, his fingers guided my head to the sides and bottom as I licked and sucked up the excess drool. “Good.”

Next, he rotated me onto my hands and knees alongside him, commanded me to kiss the side of his neck. His finger found my folds damp and he stroked his way in, added another finger, and began to roughly finger fuck me. He would occasionally withdraw them and slap at my lips, the sting added to my sensitivity as he fingered me again and again. He moved his head under my breasts, and began sucking and biting on a nipple. I moaned above him.

He grabbed around my body and forcibly threw me around so I was now lying on top of his chest. His hand already in possession of the lube, a comment that he was prepared softly boasted. He inserted my vibrator; set it on high and thrusted it in and out of me, my clit and cunt so sensitive already. His breath harsh in my ear, he told me when to cum, when to hold it. Every time he told me to cum, his would arm would tighten around my neck – there were a few times where I became dizzy with the pressure around my neck and the force of the orgasm. I began to thrust my hips into the vibrator, to scream with my orgasms, to become aware of only the sensations and orgasms.

“But I’m not done yet, am I?” he asked softly, and though I was clueless about anything by that point, I nodded, ready to agree to anything. “Hold it, fuck yourself,” he told me, and I gripped the vibrator and moved it in and out, though nowhere with the roughness that he did moments earlier. He moved down my body and added some more lube, inserted a finger into my ass, and again I was riding another orgasm. His free hand would pinch a nipple as hard as he could during the peaks of my orgasms, until finally he took control of the vibrator so he could fuck me faster and harder than I was doing, his finger in the other hand still fucking my ass.

I have no idea how long he kept me up on pleasure, I just know that I was incapable of thought or talk – I was simply a wet, sensitive body that was orgasming at his hands.

“My turn,” and his hand was again in my hair and somehow he was on his back and I was above him with my mouth wrapped around his cock. I sucked and stroked with my tongue as he roughly fucked my face. He was so hard, and he kept hitting the back of my throat forcefully; he moved a certain way and my teeth cut into my lip and I tasted blood, I gagged and pushed myself off of him, regretful that I had disappointed him – I knew he wanted to find his own release in my mouth. “I’ll just have to take it out on your body,” he stated and moved behind me. He pushed my chest into the bed and with my ass up; he entered me roughly, inserted a finger into my ass, and fucked me.

I came immediately. I was so sensitive, so full, so overloaded on pleasure, and yet he pushed and thrusted into my body from one orgasm to another, his hand gripped the side of my hip, his other fingering my ass. He grunted above me and told me he was cumming, his body became rigid and slowed, held deeper, and I tightened even further around him.

We both collapsed on the bed, gasped for breath, his arms slowly weaved our limbs around each other so that I was encircled by them. He lay on his side, my head against his chest, and my legs curled and draped over his legs. His heart beat frantically and I could feel my own pulse. We were both a sweaty mess; we were both so beautiful.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “You know exactly what to do.”

He smiled down at me and kissed my forehead softly. “Of course. I love you,” his smile got bigger, “if I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t be so rough.” He chuckled at himself.

“Well thank you. I feel so safe, so loved.”

How true that statement was, though. We’ve come a long way together.

 Posted by at 7:54 am
Nov 052014

We’ve decided with done with pegging. I am honestly relieved. I was only doing it for  him, it was something that he wanted to experiment in, and we’ve been off and on trying it for almost a year.

Can’t say we didn’t give it a chance.

There were parts that were hot, like I was definitely in control.

That was also immensely, contradictory unappealing. I don’t want control, of any kind, and despite most of our attempts at otherwise, innately I am in control.

The control issue with pegging was the biggest turn off for me. Last night, before we decided we were done, he grabbed my hair and fucked my mouth briefly, and I thought it would be a great night. Then he ordered me to fuck him. I tried to look at it as I was not in control, I was being ordered to pleasure  him. I couldn’t see it that way. And with no foreplay for myself, a brief moment of him in control, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to feel sexy about it nor submissive about it.

The reason why I was always willing to do it, and happily, is that his orgasms were hot to witness during the act. I would start off slowly easing the way into him while just as slowly stroking his cock. When he was adjusted, I would speed up and increase the thrusting, he would take off stroking himself. As a rare treat, because I wasn’t being physically pleased, my eyes would be on him the whole time; I would witness every expression or gaze at his expert hand helping to pleasure himself. When he would cum, he would gush – which he only does with this activity.

Downside is the is the only pleasure I get from pegging is watching him be pleased. It is enough for me as I love his pleasure. Even though we bought the dildo that goes into me, with a vibrator that I feel, it does nothing for me to help achieve my own climax.

And I cannot feel anything – it isn’t my body in him. I have no idea when he clenches, how tight he is, etc..  It is this separate entity between us. He says it doesn’t feel the same way when I peg him as it does when he engages in anal stimulation without me, and I can understand why: I have no idea how he’s feeling nor what I am doing in there besides reading his body language and responding with what I think is best.

I am not offended that I am not skilled at this. And if he wanted to continue, I would gladly peg him. Even more practice may eventually make perfect.

But for myself, I am relieved that we have decided (at least for now) to stop. It wasn’t working for us.

And I’m glad we voiced that. He mistakenly thought I loved it, and while I’m glad I could enthusiastically put myself in the activity, I didn’t enjoy it beyond seeing his pleasure-despite my best intentions. I’m glad I put my fear of hearing failure aside and asked him honestly if it was working, especially since he stated that it is so different with just him playing with anal stimulation versus with me pegging him.

 Posted by at 9:02 am