Mr. Texas and I were relaxing by the pool and I started going into why I was sore – I had done two rope scenes the previous night and both men had tied me in a way that exhausted my injured hip.
That was all I said.
He gave me that look, and I knew where it was going. “I know you love this, and I wouldn’t change it or you for the world, but I don’t like to hear about other men touching you. I’m still getting accustomed to it.”
“Don’t get me wrong, if you feel like you need to tell me or talk to me about it, I can hear it, I just don’t like to. I’m glad you told me that you had two great scenes with men last night, but that’s about as far as I want to know – that you had fun and that you played the way you wanted to.”
“And I thank you for that, it’s the only way we can be together, but still…it’s something that I love and experience and don’t share with you.” I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, “still, I completely understand and respect your position. You know what you’re comfortable with, and I’ve no wish to push that.”
It makes me a bit sad that I can’t share everything with him, but at least he says he is comfortable (in a manner of speaking, I don’t think he truly is) with me exploring and dating others (just not sexual intercourse, which I am not engaging in).
**A current reflection since this was written months ago for #F4TF: I don’t think one gender is more promiscuous naturally than another, though society and history has certainly tried to teach otherwise (men are seen as more promiscuous). I do, however, feel that I am more promiscuous than my partners. It was a problem in my marriage, it can seen in this post with Mr. Texas, and I hesitated to broach the subject of polyamory with Tech Talk because my own history has taught me that I will be judged or shut down in my desire to be with more than one person (though to what degree I’ve learned I can compromise on).
So in my own relationships I am more promiscuous it seems, though I have no idea why this is. Perhaps I pursue other relationships more? Perhaps I don’t have a dedicated local play partner so I play with a few? Perhaps I am unconsciously attracted to men who want to be monogamous (though not all the men are, so maybe not every man)? Some things I would like to settle more on, others I wouldn’t, and it would be situational and based on people involved.