Sep 182016
 

img_2927Mr Texas didn’t want me going out to another event. It would have been the third day in a row, and he didn’t have his kids for the week, so he wanted time with me. I suggested we go to a kink event together, he asked that we come up with a list non kink related.

“Fine, I come up with one, you come up with one, and we make a list that we try to accomplish the remainder of the days until the kids come home.” He suggested a movie, which I immediately shot down. “Watching a movie isn’t really spending time together, I would rather go off and do something else. Think of spending time together since that what you said you wanted.”

I suggested a board game that I introduced him to, that we’re pretty even on winning. He was good with that.

He suggested cooking something together in the kitchen. I envisioned dancing to music and kisses in between. I agreed to that.

I needed pictures taken for Sinful Sunday, that required his help. He agreed to it.

He suggested hot tub sex again, then sex against a low part of his fence where there’s a trail that people walk, so a chance someone might see us. That was one I had to mull over, but decided there might be a time or a situation that I might agree to. I don’t ever wish to be seen, and public sex is unappealing to me.

…Board game in with laughter and teasing, far too many drinks and not a real dinner since we opted for chips while inebriated. We played until the board became a bit too confusing to our soggy brains, opted for the hot tub. The hot tub and a drink had always been our fall back – since date two, and it was something we both thoroughly enjoyed.

As I walked down the steps into the steamy water, his hands gripped my shoulders and pulled my body against his body immediately, his chest hairs tickling my cleavage as the water slid between our skin. He pushed my back and shoulders against the side wall, the step to sit on buckling my knees, parted my legs with his hips where they naturally wanted to wrap around anyhow, and slid right in. My body was ready for him, the warm water no deterrent as wet as I was, and the heels of my feet hooked around his waist to keep the contact as he thrusted up. My shoulders hit the side of the wall and prevented that aggressive action from launching me out in the cold night air. I gripped his shoulders and impaled myself further down his hardened length, he hit the back of my wall and I welcomed the pain as the water swirled around our bodies. The head of his cock rubbed at a delicious place at the unusual angle the water afforded us, but after some minutes, he pulled out.

I couldn’t contain a sound of complaint and my surprise at the unexpected action, my body so tense from anticipating an orgasm.

“Let’s go,” he said, pointed towards the fence very visible with the outdoor lights that he has on in his backyard.

I gulped, hesitated. I had envisioned us fucking against the fence in the early morning hours, when few people are out and were less likely to see us. In the blackness of the night, there probably weren’t any people out walking the trail, but I wouldn’t know – and with the backyard lit up so well, and that portion of the fence at a higher platform, we would be a huge beacon on a stage that people would be able to see.

I didn’t move so with a hand on my ass he boosted me up a step out of the protection of the water, and my feet shuffled towards the stairs to reach the entertainment area of his gorgeous back yard…and that low fence. He stopped me on the first stair, a hand on my shoulder and another on my hip, and bent me slowly over so my hands reached a higher step. With my feet on the first step, I was tall enough for him to enter bent over and he did…right under a light.

Masturbation Monday badge - smallHow visible were we to the darkness? We were under a spotlight but was there an audience?

To continue this story, click here. 

 

Sep 082015
 
Yosemite_169

A picture I took of him in our tent when we went camping

A few photos with a few stories:

Summers have always felt glorious to me – as I’m sure they do to many people. Starting as child, it was a long break from school. It is a time of warmth – and I am normally cold, so I really relish it. Men and women appreciate seeing each other a bit more unclothed, it seems.

moving van 001

A time when we tried to make moving suck a bit less.

 

When I think of summers, I think of travel. It used to be to places I’ve never seen, but since being a military spouse it’s been back home to visit family and friends – a bit of a bummer as I realize I have to renew my passport and I don’t have a stamp in it; but it’s important for the kids to reconnect. Part of the problem the past four summers is that I’ve moved every summer to another location – and moving sucks.

 

Sunbathing topless during a lengthy separation from my husband, so took a photo to share with him.

Summers have been a time of exploration as well: it is in the summer that we spouse-swapped for a night (didn’t work out well at all for me), and I tried polyamory (which lasted until the following summer, also wasn’t successful in this endeavor). It’s a time for my husband and I to get longer breaks from parenting and explore our sexier sides, take classes, attend more events (though to be fair, this is when we aren’t separated for long periods of time due to his work).

It’s a time to get wet; my family learned to swim when we were babies, developing swim skills at the same time as walking. Sis A, I believe, was competent in the pool before she could crawl (though of course we didn’t leave her alone).

 

Pool time fun

This was taken on the West Coast this summer. I will not go into West Coast waters, but I will the East Coast – warmer water and less things that make me break out in hives.

pool

Playing with rope in the pool is even fun. After this, he tied crotch rope, pushed me away from him where the rope tightened between my legs, and pulled the rope so I moved back to him. Back and forth a few times

Wicked Wednesday

 Posted by at 4:42 am
Mar 102015
 

Spring the season of love

 

Relaxing together after a military ceremony

Relaxing together after a military ceremony

1. Spring vacation, will you take one? Where?

I had better! If my husband doesn’t take leave, I will find a boyfriend and go travel (for my childless week) with someone new. I would love to go visit The Outer Banks considering I’ve never been there. I would also like to visit the National Museum of the Marine Corps (because a friend said it was awesome) if I’ll be east coast traveling. Oh, and Gettysburg.

I’m child free and ready to explore places they might consider boring. I’m child free so hoping for a ton of kink and sex as well.
2. Do you become friskier as the temperatures outside heat up?

No, I’m frisky at all times of the year. I’m just more easily accessible in skirts.
3. Do you flirt more in spring vs. other times of the year?

No, I perpetually flirt (so I’ve been told). Honestly, I’m only aware of flirting a number of times each year, but the season has nothing to do with it. I’m a lap hopper with my friends, and an equal opportunist as gender makes little difference to me. 
4. Do you dress sexier in the spring?

I don’t try to dress sexy except when specifically pointed out when I should. However, I am wearing a skirt and tank top the minute the weather gets warm enough. I still don’t wear make up, and have my hair pulled up off of my neck. I always pair an anklet when I wear sandals (ugh, just realized my anklet broke and I need a new one), I like how it swishes as I walk or move through the water. Honestly, I’m not dressing sexy; only thing that could be considered sexy is less clothes and easier access.

And I don’t look sexy – while my husband and children all tan beautifully, I’m lobster red at least in spring until I learn to apply sunblock again by summer time (I had my first sunburn last week, matter of fact).

5. What day of the week do you have sex most often?

Weekends right now – it’s when my husband is around more for me to push for more sex. It’s pretty nice. Sadly, we book our weekends pretty full, so I can’t take advantage of this like I would love to.

6. Do you use kissing as an important way to test out a new mate?

I think it’s a great way to check out sexual connection, but I’ve never considered it a test. I don’t know that I would dismiss someone if they didn’t know how to kiss me – more likely I would demonstrate how I like to be kissed. 

My husband, for example, didn’t do a stellar job of fingering or giving me oral (to be fair, he didn’t even think of fingering – that’s how little experience he had) and I didn’t just give up on him with those skills. Now, he knows exactly what I like and how to do it. 

People like different things, so what one sexual partner has been trained to do may not match up to everyone. What if someone loves to be choked on tongue, whereas another person likes just the tips of the tongue to greet each other?

Nope, there’s no testing out for me; simply a way to fail out of MY class, I think.

7. What do you expect from marriage?
a. safety and solidarity and security
b. a journey towards self-fulfillment and self-actualization with a partner that ‘gets’ you.

A good mix of both, I think. I want it all, I suppose.

I used to view it as strictly (a) but now I realize how much potential (b) has – though he isn’t quite amenable to completely opening up our marriage, he truly ‘gets’ me.

8. Acts of love & kindness. Which would mean more to you:
a. Taking your partner a cup of tea in bed (or receiving that cup of tea)
b. Giving or receiving a box of chocolates or flowers

I’m pretty sick right now, and my husband not only carried me to bed last night when I fell asleep on the couch, he brought me in a cup of tea when I couldn’t fall back asleep. It made me feel so loved.

But I also love flowers – they just smell and look so happy which makes me so happy. My son picks flowers (sometimes flowering weeds, but hey) and my husband buys me flowers every time I send him to the store to pick up something.

I have a love/hate relationship with chocolate – hate how my love of makes my body a little softer.

Bonus: In your late teens or early 20s did you take wild spring break vacations with friends? What is the wildest, craziest, sexiest thing you did on a “gone wild” spring break?

I can’t even begin to shift through all the stupid, wild shit I did in my youth (even if I were to sort by season). I guess the most stupid was when I went on a girl’s trip to Mexico and did close to 20 shots within a few hours at a club (ah, back when I thought I was invincible and could actually hold my liquor), and then when we went back to the hotel, spent the rest of the night violently ill.

Sexiest may be when I went to Las Vegas with a friend of mine who suddenly had to leave due to family issues, and I went to a club by myself and met a great group of incredibly sexy men – many of whom I danced with (most indicated they wouldn’t mind going back to my room), yet I resisted taking anyone back with me, felt sexy and took naked photos of myself in front of a full length mirror (sent a few choice ones to what would-be my husband), then masturbated so roughly that I hurt myself.

I actually kept in contact with a few of those guys (we lived in the same town, it turned out) and went out a few times with a couple of them. 

————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

 Posted by at 10:01 am
Dec 252014
 

jollyJolly does not come in the red and green variety, nor is surrounded by a fat man any longer – no that association is far too isolated and silent now. Alone with just my husband, away from our children and family on this coast, jolly is the small happiness I find on my own terms.

It is the cold scratchy fabric of rope as it caresses against/around me, wraps me with its certainty, binds me in its beauty. It is his focus of gaze, his intention once I am fully his; his hands deftly maneuvering my surrender; his breath upon my skin as he leans in, my body’s awareness of loss as he leans back. It is a dance of flesh and twine, a back and forth, of demand and offer, round and round, until all the colors and people and seasons fade but us.

 

Five Sentence Fiction’s word is Jolly.

Lillie McFerrin Writes

(He made the rope just for me! Though of course he’s made some more to sell.)

 Posted by at 10:15 am
Dec 232014
 

Hmmmm… as M suggested we compile our Christmas lists this year, I found myself at a bit of a loss. Some of the things that came to mind were silly, while others had a bit more basis in reality.

Being the single sister, I’m sure my list is quite a bit different than M’s.

Let’s start with stuff:

I’ve been dying to get my hands on a we vibe 4 plus. The uses to a single girl going on adventures is vast and naughty. Hey baby, why don’t we go to the movies, and you have the controls in your hands? Then ask after the movie how much of that movie I actually saw!

I’d love to get a rabbit that actually hits my clit without some fancy hand/finger wedging maneuver. I was super excited to get my Vr 11, only to be let down by the armature bit not being ideally positioned.

I’ve been shopping for an anal plug that actually stays where it’s supposed to during sex. My muscles are strong, and shooting a guy in the face with an anal plug, while amusing, isn’t the goal! I need a longer stem with a bigger bulb to stem ratio.

Lingerie. More lingerie. If it’s lace or soft and girly, I want it. It’s a constant shopping desire of mine. Some women like shoes, I like lace.

Now let’s get to the good stuff:

I’d like a date who was open and relaxed and DIDN’T just say everything they think I want to hear… relax dude, I can sniff that stuff out, and while I know it’s part of the dating game, it’s unnecessary. If I’m going to sleep with you, I am. Telling me a bunch of stuff isn’t going to get you farther.

I’d like to move my hot steak of successful orgasms during oral into other sexual acts. I’ve always been a difficult girl to get off, and I’d like to continue my growth to easier orgasms. I think an orgasm while he’s slamming into me from behind would be the most epic thing ever.

This is a repeat goal/wish from last year, but I’d really like to be able to take a bigger dick in the ass. My anal opportunities would open up a lot more. Having a size restriction blows!

I want to find a top for bdsm that I jive well with. It’s been far too long and I enjoy it far too much. I think I’m just extra particular about who I bottom for, it’s been much easier having partners to top.

I want a fire play kit so bad I can taste it. I want to set my toes on fire!

I want a whip. I’m big into impact play and I’ve found the delicious, burning sting of a whip is a sting I enjoy. I’m a thud girl, but some sting hits the spot for me, and this is definitely one.

I think this about sums up the top things I’d moon over for Christmas! I want to wish everyone happy, and naughty holidays, and thank you for making this year an awesome one! XoXoX

M’s Christmas List:

No kids for two weeks, but unfortunately they left us their colds. Still we’ll suck it up and deal with it, here’s what I want for Christmas:

I want to have wax art done on me; I think laying down and feeling the heat of the wax, the focus on the art form on my body, would be incredibly sensual;

I want to have rope wrapped around nipples;

I want to be tied with lights;

I want some long play sessions, where I am mindless.

Some longer term goals:

Longer sessions of pleasure and play, with more consistency;

More connection with my husband during suspensions;

Playing during suspensions;

To become published;

To publicly play;

To continue learning new fetishes/kinks;

When we move (again), to bravely go into the kink communities and meet some wonderful people, like what I’ve done here.

**As a side note, I looked at my wish list last year and was so happy to see so much accomplished!

A very special thank you to everyone who has been on this journey with us. We wish you the happiest of holidays and hope all your wishes come true! Here’s to a new year with new adventures!

Wicked Wednesday

Sep 042014
 

FFF Prompt-September 5 – Still Friends?

 Key Words – Aftermath, RegretsWord Limit – 250Forbidden Words – BFF, GirlfriendBonus Words –
Earn 25 for making them co-workers, 25 more if one reports to the other.

Extra Credit – Tell us about your work-place indiscretions.

*****************************************************

In the aftermath, I had a lot of regrets.

My husband and best friend had wanted to spouse swap. They set up a game night without kids. With alcohol.

The drinks, and the amount they were drinking, clued me into their plan. I could’ve cared less about drinking, but I knew the three others involved needed liquid courage.

We even sat next to the each other’s spouses, to make sure there was no cheating. No cheating turned into lots of cheating with trying to distract in playful ways…. turned into sexual ways.

But when my friend, much later in the evening was naked with both the husbands, always requesting her husband with her whenever he tried to have sex with me, I realized that this wasn’t going to work.

And it didn’t. For an hour, it was all about her. I just kind of sat on the bed and watched, perked up when other husband kissed or fondled me, waited when he was called back. So drunk, he left to pass out. She stayed and fucked my own husband – obviously they were both having fun, and I was glad for them. She wanted to make out with me occasionally, kept getting sidetracked. My husband just wanted her. They being so drunk, I wasn’t getting much.

That night I went to bed frustrated, voiced my frustration to my drunk husband who all the sudden couldn’t be bothered to have any more sex after she left.

Yep, I had a lot of regrets.

*************************************************************************

*True Story. We’re still great friends but no one wants to talk about it (except me, but I won’t force a conversation).

As for work trysts, none have existed. I would never. All work and no play.

Sep 032014
 

*Holiday weekend threw me off. Mmm, throwing me… So here’s TMI Tuesday:

TMI – Love, Life and Lessons

1. Are you happy with your job? Why or Why not?

Right now, having moved (again, gotta love military life), I am unemployed. So I’m quite happy being able to devote fuller to my husband and my children, and not in a hurry to reinvent my professional life – again.

However, I also go a bit crazy with boredom. Yeah…really crazy. And I’m certainly not a domestic goddess; sure my house is clean, but I only do as much as necessary and I hate cooking (though I can).

2. What do you want?

Friends in my new town. I’m slowly working on that, but the people that I encountered I haven’t “hung out” with much. It may be due to my husband insisting on living in a very isolated area, so everything is a long drive. And also, having no babysitter yet nor my little one making good enough friends for a sleep-over – really limits my “adult time” with other adults. Most of the new people I’ve met have been through FetLife.

And for my surgery-distended belly to go away. That would be great.

3. Who first broke your heart?

He never quite broke my heart, as we didn’t officially breakup. He just flipped/went crazy and tried to kill me with a huge knife after us living together for three years. That was an interesting night.

He’s declared legally insane now and institutionalized. He used to be a great guy. Moral of the story: Just say no to drugs!

4. What is the biggest mistake you’ve made in a relationship?

I occasionally get this idea that I don’t deserve to be happy. I’m also a serial monogamist and have almost no experience being single. And then there’s the struggle that I’m convinced I can be a strict monogamist. This may be all due to my lack of confidence that I deserve to be happy.

5. What did you learn from you last lover/ex-significant other?

That I hate being ignored for video games. That I need to be upfront and honest about how high my sex drive truly is and not pretend to be someone I am not.

6. What novel has been instrumental in shaping your views at any point in your life? Why?

Probably all the romance novels that I read growing up. I can’t pinpoint it to just one book, but looking back, it’s probably where I got the idea that romance is strife. After all, a good plot is interesting and full of conflict, so that might be why I added conflict into past relationships so much. It was “romantic”.

7. Tell us about a favorite TV broadcast show you currently enjoy? Give us a synopsis of the show.

Well, I hardly watch TV, but my favorite is How I Met Your Mother. It’s about a father telling his children all of his sex-capades in detail and his friends’ funny lives.

Right now, as a family, we are watching The Avengers animated series. It’s a cartoon about superheroes defeating supervillians with superpowers. Yep, it’s super! I love to nerd-out with my boys, and I often know more than them!

Bonus: What is your current favorite song to listen to over and over again?

Currently a friend turned me onto Rev 22:20 “Dry Martini Mix” by Puscifer. I want to have sex to it, to slowly rotate my hips as he’s buried deep inside to the hilt, watching his face as I ride him….

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblogfrom your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

 Posted by at 12:12 pm
May 142014
 

Kids douse the flames of passion from relationships, there are ways to spark and set it aflame. Though not as often talked about, sometimes it’s daddy who is most affected by the change in parenting, while the mommy still wants sex. (I’m using daddy to mean the non primary caretaker because that’s my experience and it’s easier. I realize that “daddy” may not be gendered a male, nor “mommy” a female or the biological mother.)

*If mommy doesn’t want to have sex, I’ve already covered this.

I’ll start with an even more uncommon reason, but one no one wants to tackle: icky. There are some men who see a woman giving birth, and simply don’t want to go into what they watched all that mess come out of. Or they don’t want to suck on a woman’s nipples they’ve watched their sweet little piglets (I mean babies) monopolize, and now categorize them different. That’s something that needs to be acknowledged and then seek help for.

The more common reason, I’ve noticed, is:

Just a little respect…

A great daddy respects the mother of his children. He demonstrates to his kids how to respect mommy. Hell, he gives her so much respect that she’s no longer the erotic, sexy, somewhat objectified lover that induced lust. She is the mother of his children, too worthy of being bothered by those pesky baser desires. She becomes “the mother” (often associated with the virgin Mary, mother of Jesus, and pure and untouch(ed)(able)).

The Madonna/Whore complex. I’ve sadly had such an issue with this complex, and am grateful that at least in my marriage now, this is no longer an issue.

First, he needs to realize that she is not his mother, she is their mother. Establish that boundary, associate her with things other than “the mother”. Add just a dash of objectification – it’s okay to view her as a sexual creature. She can be a great nurturer and have a fantastic ass. She can tuck in the children and give him great blow jobs. He can show her to upmost respect then close the bedroom door and bend her over and spank her ass (if they’re into that sort of thing). She is capable of being both of these things. It is possible to be “a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets”.  It does not detract or distract her from her other role.

If he struggles with this? She needs to spice it up and show him her inner whore. I’ve joked that he can “leave the money on the dresser”. There may not need to go that far, but she needs to assert her more sexual self, show him that she is that woman that inspired carnal lust worthy of fucking (or making love) that created the kids in the first place. Play strip poker, share a sexy fantasy, recall a steamy moment of the two of them from the past, make a bet with sexual stakes.

Or hell,  she could just tell him that while intimacy and kisses are always allowed and welcomed, she expects to be paid for more skilled services like blow jobs or being on top. Because after all, you don’t pay the mother for sexual services and she would never barter that.

 Posted by at 1:58 pm
Mar 192014
 

I am done having babies. My husband has had a vasectomy this last year. With three, we’re quite certain we don’t need any more of the wondrous little people.

Birth control gave me migraines, but overall, I liked being on the pill in my youth.

I had an IUD, the Mirena. I told my husband he had five years to get a vasectomy. One of my sisters had zero complications with this, and no period. Score! At least I thought so, until I had one implanted. Two solid months of bleeding, needing to get on estrogen hormones for two weeks, made me rethink the thing. But, whatever, it was in and after hormones, I stopped bleeding…well, except for once a month crap. I wasn’t as lucky as my sister. My husband always could play with it with his fingers, complained sometimes he felt it, and I always replied, “get out of my damn cervix then.” Then year four with the IUD, and I began bleeding every two weeks. Six months into that and I was done. The doctor put me on the pill (yep, two different forms of birth control) for three months, with the IUD, until my husband could up his vasectomy date. He had it  (I am hoping he’ll write about this experience, but he doesn’t write, so probably not). My IUD was removed…and I bled for another month straight. And we’re not talking “gee, this sucks, I’m having a light period for a month,” we’re talking being in the hospital for bleeding and clotting severely, being put on blood (clotters?/thinners? I forget now), being on bed rest for a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, sister has had one removed and immediately replaced with another, and no issues. She loved it.

And then my periods were awful: cramping and heavy bleeding and emotional. In meeting with my doctor, they suggested NovaSure. It’s a procedure for Heavy Menstrual Bleeding (taken right off of the flyer I’m looking at). A simple procedure they reassure me. Something to help with the periods, for women who are sure they aren’t having any more babies and are just awaiting menopause (does anyone really wait for that?).

The doctor who would be my surgeon had to run some tests, and a biopsy. He told me that it was good that my husband had a vasectomy, as it is very important that I don’t get pregnant after the procedure.

Hmmm…my mind is constantly paranoid about pregnancy. I take a test a few times a year, regardless of IUD, or vasectomy. So of course I asked what would happen if I got pregnant. In my mind, I was envisioning baby-with-issues, mandatory abortion, “uterus exploding,” he said…yes, he said UTERUS EXPLODING! I don’t know if that’s the technical term, but that’s what my surgeon told me. Oh hell no, my uterus will not explode. What if I wanted to have a threesome, or another partner at any point in my life? What if (*shudders*) something happens to my husband, and I find someone else? So I asked him what do women do if their husbands do not have a vasectomy, and he stated they have an Essure done.

Well, sign me up for that! No exploding uterus for me, thank you. I don’t trust vasectomies 100% to bet my uterus won’t explode. I can’t predict the future enough to know that I myself might risk a time bomb of active sperm escaping from a condom, setting itself on a ticking timer, just waiting to kill me from the inside.

The Essure (haha, I’m finally on topic)

The Essure system is a type of permanent birth control for women. The Essure system includes two small metal and fiber coils that are placed in the fallopian tubes. They’re inserted through the vagina, so no incision is required.

After insertion, scar tissue forms around the coils, blocking off the fallopian tubes and preventing sperm from reaching the egg. It takes time for this to happen. So you must use another form of birth control for the first three months. You’ll then have an X-ray (hysterosalpingography) to confirm that your fallopian tubes are blocked.

The Essure system doesn’t offer protection from sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and isn’t reversible.  –Mayo Clinic

They schedule the procedure around ovulation. I picked up my medicine before the procedure, and started Ibuprofen 800mg 48 hours prior to the procedure. I also had some pain medicines and anti-anxiety stuff that they requested I bring with me. I couldn’t eat prior, and I needed a ride and a caretaker for the day. Oh, and to drink lots of water. It was an outpatient – I was to be awake and no hospitalization. The nurse also gave me a shot in my ass. My husband and I talked pleasantly while we waited for the medicine to kick in, and then he was kicked out, and the surgeon came in. I definitely felt some cramping, and slight pain, but otherwise, it wasn’t too bad to be straddled in for a little over two hours.

By the time it was done, and I could get up, I was higher than a kite. The nurse handed me a card that gave out information about the Essure, and wanted my primary doctor to put it in my files. She helped me walk out to my husband, and even to get in the car. We stopped and got donuts on the way home (I was told to eat immediately). Barely eating just one, I went to sleep. Three and a half hours later, he woke me up to give me my next pill, and within 30 minutes I slept again. That’s how my day went. At one point, he was holding me in bed, we just had lunch and I had another pill in my thirty minute waking period, and I started an argument (I’ve no idea why, I was high, remember). He said, “go to sleep,” not wanting to argue with me, and I said, “okay,” and passed out on his chest. He joked the next day that we needed to invest in stock in the medicine.

Some light bleeding and a mild bit of cramping, and I was go to go. I had sex the following day. Next up: NovaSure.

 Posted by at 5:02 pm
Mar 072014
 

**Often the primary caretaker takes the role of mommy, regardless of sex. For the sake of simplicity, I’m writing as if mommy is a woman, because I am, and it is simplier for me this way.

I’m a mother of three, and the three kids are as evenly split between thirteen years as possible. Not to mention that I am often the only parent around, and work a full time job. I try to be the anchor for my kids so that they can explore and scamper, but my sex drive is always in danger of drowning in responsibility. When being a successful mother is often symbolized in pinterest type perfect domesticity, how to ignore the homemade everything and a clean house to get a little dirty?

Advice for getting mommy in the mood:

For Mommy: First understand that mommy needs comfort in predictability and consistency – it is crucial for raising kids, and yet those words are instant death to a passionate and spontaneous sex life. Draw the mommy away from the woman, slowly seduce with words, tease, kiss, build up the desire, work for the anticipation of the moment like the work put in when first you two met. Passion is created, not ordered on the spot (though that may follow with time). It gives her time to plan, to anticipate, to look forward to something. If necessary, schedule a date – while not spontaneous, it is someone else taking care of her, feeding and cleaning she doesn’t do, gives her an actual event to escape fully from her role of caretaker. Going out allows her to shed the “mommy skin” of dirty sweats (or pajamas in my case), perhaps gives her an excuse to take an extra long shower, shave her legs  and/or put on makeup (I really only do these if I am dressing up).

To Mommy: Mommy needs to realize that it is not fair to sacrifice herself for her offspring. Sex is selfish; it is giving into a more primal urge and desire to satisfy the self. Self denial of this aspect is not healthy to the woman inside, her sexual identity, and needs to be separated from this almost preposterous cultural expectation that a selflessness mother is the ideal mother. It is unhealthy to build a world revolving around the kids, for both the kids and mommy. When you don’t get individual attention from a partner, love and companionship, that need can sometimes be transferred to the child(ren). And the kids needs to know that mommy needs time to herself, that there are limits to what they can demand of her (limits are good for children), and it also gives them time to gain some independence from mommy (also a good, but scary, thing).

Being lustful does not conflict with being a great mommy. It is connecting to your partner, showing your kids what healthy intimacy looks like. Adult sex

Don’t tell your partner no – it is uncompromising and final. It is a rejection, and hurtful to your partner. Try instead on: “convince me,” “hold me,” “kiss me,” “massage me,”. Allow your partner to seduce you, to touch you, to inflame desire, decide when you have given intimacy a chance.  Have your lover undo your practical ponytail and pull your hair for a kiss (if you like that sort of thing), strip your food and dust covered clothes to reveal the woman’s body underneath – the one that inspired such a life to begin with.

Tuck in the “mommy skin” with the kids – it is a blanket far more suited wrapped around them, far before you actually need your own sleep. Come to your lover shed of that comforting yet burdening weight; be just the woman you were and still are. Realize that your body is powerful: it inspired creating life and endured bearing life. Make love with that power and confidence.

 

 Posted by at 9:00 am