Nov 222016
 

Wicked Wednesday*So the transitions, divorce, dating, moving, new job finally took me down for the first time ever in my life. My lines reveal will be completely different from the past, and what I’ve tried to accomplish this year. And even my accomplishments may be incomplete (though I didn’t get many bragging rights these months either).

IMG_1646July 

Most revealing Post: A summary of my summer: purple hair, skinny dipping, pool sex, Mr. Texas, The Wanderer, new friends, reconciling with my husband (and failing). – This Summer

:Favorite Photo 

August

Favorite Post: 

“So with my husband and I reconciling, one of the first things on his list was anal play for him. He hadn’t experienced it in months and I think that he was even made to feel that it was viewed negatively in some regard.

He missed it… we were going to try pegging again.

Actually, it was a scene that I was giving him with pegging so he laid down tied in the center of the bed” – Pegging Again 

No one can accuse me of quitting easily. This was a beautiful scene is which finally, after so many years of trying, my husband and I were successful at pegging. I loved this moment.

1IMG_2251Favorite Photo: Every single time I look at this photo, or any of the photos from the suite that The Wanderer and I turned into a playroom for three glorious days, I smile. We truly used almost every space of every room, with the exception of the bar, I believe. There were a lot of firsts, and it was one of the most concentrated times I had had with him up to this point.
Accomplishments: Sinful Sunday’s weekly roundup featuring Rope Social

September

Most Revealing Post: 

“It was a weak moment, just that: a moment, and one that I am healing from – both physically and emotionally.

I hope these marks do eventually fade; after all, my thighs have been scarred before with sharpened steel when I used to sword fight and after time they faded into nothingness.

But if they stay, they will not remind me of loss, nor sadness, nor a pathetic action. They will remind me that I have loved, that I can heal, and that I am strong. They will remind me that I can move forward. They will serve as evidence that my perspective can change, and that hope is a powerful emotion – and frankly there’s nothing wrong with that.” – Bloody Review 

This was the month of truly letting go of my marriage: our many attempts at reconciling failed, he never truly wanted to be with me again though he did love me and I was finally tired of the back and forth of his decisions, our divorce legally was completed, and I made him a character page because the story of him ended here on this space (though for April’s A-Z Challenge I may write of our reconciliation since I have not). I also began the sometimes painful process of letting go of the resentment, bitterness, anger, towards more of a neutral ground to learn and move away from. In this post, I let go of how I viewed my scars, and in another in October, I shifted through the terrible emotions related to anal sex.

img_2927Favorite Photo: Mr. Texas: by this point I had been dating him off and on for six months. And the majority of the days I was his house. His backyard is absolutely gorgeous (these pictures don’t do it justice). Our thing is to go into the hot tub in the evenings, and when kids aren’t around, I’ve been bent over those stairs quite a bit, not to mention that I was at low part of his fence very visible to anyone walking by on a hiking trail having sex with him.
Accomplishments: Learning from Men, Wicked Wednesday

October

Most Revealing Post: 

“And I can get incredibly wet.

While this may be viewed as a good thing, the truth of the matter is that it’s simply not. Slippery when wet means that we both lose traction.” – Slippery When Wet

Why I’m a size queen, and why sex with me isn’t wonderful for many (not that anyone has ever said anything but positive – but why would they be mean?). Yep, I’m just going to be honest, at least in my opinion.

iphone 244Most Revealing Photo: This was a Tribute to my sister, and on how I missed her and couldn’t visit her, but that her health was in poor condition. She died the month of October. We began this blog together and she was far more than a sister – she was a great friend of mine. I am still reeling from losing her in my life.
Accomplishments: Congratulations to my friend Atargatis, for Riding the Wave, on Wicked Wednesday!

Sep 062016
 

Wicked WednesdayThree weeks after he told me he didn’t want to be married to me anymore, I became the other woman as he was in a committed relationship to someone else.

Foolishly, we decided to try things that we hadn’t yet. Cutting, something that he did a month prior to our separation with someone else, was something that we had meant to try together but hadn’t yet – and something that I had never tried.

I had no idea he would go as deep as he did, had no idea that the rope and his fingers would pull the cuts wider than just the knife would do.

I had no idea that I would now be scarred…it’s possible for life, as six months later the cut marks are still incredibly evident.

At the time, I felt terrible about agreeing to even being marked by him, but I was desperate to keep him, desperate to still share new and different kinks with him, trusted him to cut me – despite how cruelly he asked for the separation.

Just this past month when I took a picture of the bite marks he gave me

Just this past month when I took a picture of the bite marks he gave me, the knife marks still evident

For months, I saw those marks and felt ashamed and weak about being the other woman, about being that desperate. I felt foolish.

And I was angry at him: immediately afterwards when I realized just how deep they were and months later when he told that he was glad that I still bore the scars so evident on my thighs.

I still took full responsibility for the marks – I went into the situation knowing the risks, consenting, and allowing them.

And now? More than six months later, (today to be exact,) our divorce is final. We are legally no longer married. Yesterday, we decided to stop thinking it would work out (I’ll get into that later, it was the most peacefully we have parted). We had roughly four weeks in seven months (with the majority of the time being this last month), trying to reconcile and overcome the past’s hurtful mistakes. I told him when we were together that the scars wouldn’t bother me as much if we stayed together, because they were marks from him.

But we didn’t stay together…I may always see the scars on my thighs as a moment of weakness, but it is something that I am learning to forgive myself for. I was in love with my husband and I will always love him in some ways. I made a mistake with allowing him to cut me, but it was just that – a mistake. One I can walk away from, learn from, and one that makes me human and deserving of forgiveness.

I don’t think it’s shameful, I don’t think I’m weak, I don’t view myself in a negative light with my actions of the past. It was a weak moment, just that: a moment, and one that I am healing from – both physically and emotionally.

I hope these marks do eventually fade; after all, my thighs have been scarred before with sharpened steel when I used to sword fight and after time they faded into nothingness.

But if they stay, they will not remind me of loss, nor sadness, nor a pathetic action. They will remind me that I have loved, that I can heal, and that I am strong. They will remind me that I can move forward. They will serve as evidence that my perspective can change, and that hope is a powerful emotion – and frankly there’s nothing wrong with that.

*If you read Minx’s comment on that post, Bloody Seconds, I am truly trying to take the advice to heart, and believe that I am ready to view the marks as such.

**Let me be very clear on this: I am not blaming him, nor have I, for these marks. I bear him no ill feelings and wish him the best in his future. 

Aug 232016
 

Wicked WednesdayI know many of us suffer from it, but forgive me, dear readers and followers and friends: I am busy. I am so busy that it’s all I can do to not go to sleep the minute work ends and I still have to get dinner going, kids cared for, the house straightened.

Forgive me, beautiful bloggers that I enjoy engaging with, I am not reading much. It is all I can do to occasionally post a couple of times a week (a compromise with my husband is that I cannot post things about other people so I have to create content instead of grabbing a draft I’ve written on busy days), and try to read/comment on what I can participate in. I am not reading my blog roll, I am barely engaging on Twitter (and even then my husband commented that my grammar sucks because it’s on my phone on the go so I’m not checking my own words).

So what am I doing?

Well, I’m helping to run a new program at my work that the people higher than me have decided, with all these lofty goals (and they are great goals), but have no idea what it looks like or how to effectively accomplish it. So a few of us are trying our best to make it succeed, but it’s a bit like being dudes/damsels in distress tied to the train tracks watching the train approach and knowing that soon things will crash in a terrible ending.

Before I even go to work, I am working out many mornings: one reason is I quickly figured out I have zero energy for this after work, and another reason is that I have a goal to lose half an inch of body measurement (my husband’s constant prompting) for the month of August (have you heard I make lists and goals?) Also on my goal list for August is that I lose 5 pounds, so even on days that I am seriously stressed and just don’t have the motivation to work out, I am trying to change stress eating towards more healthy eating (beautiful Rebel inspired this).

I’m also sending my eldest off to a different country to study abroad for a year. Yikes, and oh so scary but exciting for both of us. I’m proud of the strong, independent, responsible adult that I have raised and hope many more dreams come true with some hard work and a plan. Meanwhile, in a few weeks, you will find me drunk, in tears, and trying to console myself that everything will be okay…and it will.

School also started, and with that kids’ schedules/juggling things around: getting them to and from destinations and after school activities, not to mention homework. To get off of work and help with homework and establishing those routines again is a bit rocky at first. We’ll get into the swing of things soon enough and this should allow some space into my schedule to again begin reading and writing – if nothing else I can do this as I sit beside the homework littering a table, on my laptop.

My husband and I are reconciling, and that is a damn hard uphill battle. We have over six months of history where we have completely shut down the best friends aspect between us, not to mention the mistakes we made during the course of our marriage. In the past few weeks, I’ve even let this dream slip a bit as my communication hasn’t been what it needs to be to establish a feeling of connection between us, and I feel terrible about this and will work harder to remedy this. Have I mentioned that we also are long distance with half a day’s drive between us? So seeing him hasn’t been easy, and I am becoming buried in work on the weekends. Have I also mentioned that I have never been so in love with a man like I am with him? I miss our friendship, our sex, our love, our dreams, our marriage – it will all be worth this uphill climb when we find our way back to each other.

I am also working really hard in slowing down my life and what I commit to – because I deserve to breathe. I am working hard on changing my mindset to believing that I am strong and independent (the way I am raising my kids to believe but somehow have forgotten to view myself). I deserve love, respect, relaxation, excitement, happiness. Most importantly: I am working hard to fall in love with myself. You may have noticed my daily commentary on Twitter (which is much harder than I imagined it would be, and which sometimes I barely remember to pause and reflect enough to write).

I would like nothing more than for things to clear up, to take time to read, and a relaxation bubble bath.

I would like nothing more than for things to clear up, have time to read, and a relaxing bubble bath.

I know life will slow down – I also realize that I need to change how much I am allowing work to take its toll on me.

I truly miss the relationships that I’ve built online with reading (and relating) to so many of you. I miss writing (and reflecting) about my relationships with others (and myself) here in this space. But I will breathe, love, and know that everything will be okay.

 

Jul 042016
 

A post about the last three months choosing my favorite or most revealing photos and posts and giving some background information; also listing accomplishments. I’m also going to be showcasing a blogger that I absolute adore each month with some favorite postings of theirs.

April

Favorite Post: 

“I don’t even know that I want our marriage. I don’t like you. You hurt me. I’m not giving up anything for you.”

My brain cried silently at all the sacrifices I’ve made to our family by moving them around, my financial security by changing jobs constantly, my loss of friends and social life, the isolation and loneliness so deeply felt at times. I simply said, “okay. Then we’ve no where else to go.” – Driving

Okay, this has to be by far my least favorite post, but it’s the most revealing about my life. This was the climax, when our separation began to show the wear and tear, when outside relationships became the priority, when he was cruel (and yes, I may love him but he was truly cruel, I can see that now) in how he ended our marriage.

Favorite Photo: b4It was even listed under favorite things, for the Sinful Sunday Monthly prompt, and while it hurts in that it was accomplished by being hidden and I was the other woman at the moment with my own husband, it was not a bad way to combine my favorite things and say goodbye to them all.

Accomplishments: I successfully completed the A to Z Challenge and posted for each and every letter. It allowed me to get many, many of my drafts out about the breakup of my marriage. Thank goodness!

Featured Blog: Malin James

She writes from a deeply intimate and introspective manner, between the sexual and the psyche, though her stories more often seem to be fiction. She often writes with a dark seductive tone and I love it, like Lonely Things. But when she does write personally, it inspires me, like the notes to her younger self and I appreciated how lovingly reflective it is. It inspired me to think about it and make it a goal of mine to write similarly. Something that echoed painfully and eloquently with me was: This is What I Mean when I Say I Love You. She also discusses writing with the The Semantics of Sex, specifically the words “making love” and “fuck”.

May

Favorite Post:

“Date two…and I already have a toothbrush at someone’s house and heard talk of moving in together in the future. Crazy.

And it baffled me why I wasn’t running.” – Date Two

This is the most revealing because it’s the look into my first moment of dating. Mr. Texas was exactly what I needed after my divorce, someone that felt comfortable and pushed still, someone that understood what I was saying even while challenging me. He was ridiculously persuasive too.

The post, however, that I’m most proud of is My Bed as it is an open wound reflection I wrote during Slutfest Week. I didn’t list it though because it’s not the most revealing written this month.

DSC_7434aFavorite Photo: I introduced another character this month: David. He and I have done a photo shoot long enough to last enough #SinfulSunday to go into the next year. I picked this picture because not only is it the first, I simply love how gorgeous he is in this picture.

Accomplishments: A photo spotlighted on Elust.

Electric Nipples in Wicked Wednesday’s weekly roundup.

Featured Blog: Tamsin Flowers

Tamsin Flowers participated in the #AtoZChallenge and did it brilliantly, but her favorite posts with me include the sense of hearing. She writes a post based on a song, Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies. She writes a take on The Little Mermaid, and not do I love fairy tales, it is an amazingly sexy erotica for a woman who is speechless. She also wrote about sounds and silence eloquently, which was hot and bittersweet all at the same time.

June

Favorite Post: 

“Have I mentioned that I love mind games in retrospect, though at the time it’s unnerving?

All those people. I get a bit flustered just thinking about it, and at the time I was truly embarrassed.

And then his fingers pushed aside my panties and his fingers entered me, slowly, building to orgasm. My eyelids fluttered: people/ no people. Shut: only he and I. Only sensations and fingers.” – Room with a View

Another month that I introduced a new character, The Wanderer.

Favorite Photo: 1IMG_2273Also related to The Wanderer. I took a lot of photos of the room, he took a few photos of me. I love this photo because I loved the moment and because he took it from his perspective (something that I am always curious about).

Accomplishments: Photo Black and Red featured in the sidebar for Elust 83

Handcuffed in Sinful Sunday’s weekly roundup.

Featured Blog: Easily Aroused

Easily Aroused is so often a writer who gets me going every time, with such beautiful erotica. Even in experiencing a new, and taboo, activity he writes gorgeously. This man seriously (and unknowingly) seduces me across a computer screen with his words, like Elemental, or Striation. Even something that made me sad with the loss and betrayal, still turned me on.

Wicked Wednesday

 

I did not follow the prompt for Wicked Wednesday. It is about weight, and it’s a subject I’m very sensitive about right now. Click on the circle to read about others.

Apr 232016
 

T is for talking, for my A to Z Challenge, something I wish far more partners did with each other. There is something delicious in talking beforehand about plans and building anticipation, and talking afterwards and finding out what really worked.

The road trip friend and I have known each other for awhile, perhaps it is for this reason that I am getting specific feedback through communicating long after the fact. Some of my favorite texts from him (and we talked too, but I can look back on the texts):

I loved when you asked me to fuck you.

I loved making your body tremble.

I loved when I was stroking my cock and you were rubbing my nuts and under my nuts

I loved taking you from behind

…you making me cum in your mouth

I did really enjoy it

I love the way you felt

I loved being in your mouth

Really what I took away from this most of all is he liked fellatio from me. Noted if there will ever be a next time.

 Posted by at 8:12 am
Mar 302016
 

A post about the last three months choosing my favorite or most revealing photos and posts and giving some background information; also listing accomplishments. I’m also going to be showcasing a blogger that I absolute adore each month with a favorite posting of mine.

*I write these as the month progresses, hence my tone towards my husband in January is very different than in February or March

January:

Revealing Post:

“I only stirred about halfway up, realized how badly the clamps were now pulling at my nipples.

“Clever,” I whispered, parted my legs.

He chuckled. “Now to get some movement from you,” he said, and slapped between my lips.” –Spread Legs and Open Mouth

While separated from my husband, I’ve had to rely quite a bit on drafts. The beauty of these drafts is that I also remember the moment again, and it makes me feel closer to him. What’s not to love about this post? It starts with confessions of love – his to reassure it’ll suck but out of love, one in case I change my mind. Then it has predicament bondage – one of my absolute favorites. Orgasm control, pride in my ability, sex, and his release in my mouth all top off this experience to be something spectacular.

Favorite Photo: f9Part of why I like this photo is the unique experience it provided. I was wrapped in plastic wrap to a board and suspended upside down and face down. It took the help of my husband and several of our friends. It also takes a Sinful Sunday photo and edits it in a new way to help me have more pictures since I don’t have my husband around to help me with this.

Accomplishments: Cock Piercing Army in Wicked Wednesday’s weekly roundup.

Chopstick Past in Sinful Sunday’s weekly roundup

Featured blog: A Dissolute Life Means

She writes honestly, and often raw. She exposes her more vulnerable self and is often unapologetic about who she is and what she needs. She often writes about seeing multiple men, one of my favorites is when she poetically uses a carousel analogy. I love how beautifully she writes, how being with these men doesn’t diminish her want of something more permanent but she is accepting of the fun as it comes along. I also share how she is hopeful and jaded in imagining a future with every lover she encounters. Another of her posts that I love is how she leads with her sexuality and that it is okay for her to do so, something that took me a long time to recognize in myself. Even when she writes about Casual Sex Rules, she beautifully weaves a story. A fantastic writer.

February:

Revealing Post:

“He is beyond body, he is my heart, my lifeline, my future, my soul, my dreams. What he has is special, and rare. It is irreplaceable, reverent, sacred.

I keep offering to end it – that it is simply not worth the constant arguing, though I don’t want to especially while we are separated, but he keeps insisting it’ll get better with time, that once he finds someone everything will be fine, that we continue on.” – I am Reduced to a Body

It was this month that we discovered that it would get worse when he found someone (I feel that he didn’t know how to handle emotions for two different partners), and that it would not get better with time. This is a mistake that we made – the assumption that our love and future dreams would be enough to carry us through.

What we had was beautiful – I do not for a moment want to downplay our past, but he does not trust my heart or our future any more. This post really does break my heart, because what was done to my body is the only thing that mattered to him – not my heart nor my soul.

Favorite Photo: 20151221_205612-2Here is why this is such a favorite to me – it’s of a woman I love more than words can express. It shows her joy, and her triumph over fear. If you haven’t read her story yet: read why this was such a triumph (click here trigger warnings); her observations at her first kink event (click here); and her being tied up and overcoming such a longstanding fear (click here). She’s a strong, beautiful woman whose bravery is beyond my comprehension. It’s a magnificent story she told.

Accomplishments: Completing the February Photo Fest, despite moving and my husband asking for a divorce.

Over Me in Sinful Sunday’s weekly roundup

Bent Over in Sinful Sunday’s weekly roundup

Featured blog: Molly’s Daily Kiss

She writes most often about a D/s life, the sex blogging community, and observations about sexuality and outlooks. She makes me think often, one such was about tools you need to be a Dom, with the things listed were not I first thought of – they’re far more important. But it is often her writing erotica or fantasies that get me so much, for example a scene based on location; wherein her husband also writes with his own musings. The entire thing turned me on so much, as well as this scene describing a slow build up of anticipation; it is moments like this which fuel my desire far more than touching. She is also the most influential sex blogger that I can think of.

March:

Revealing Post:

“’I never know what you’re going to say,’ he laughed. I knew he would never do something like that, I knew that my statement surprised him.

With his arms around me, my mind drifted to someone else. Someone a month ago, who as a parting gift, gave me my fantasy of consensual non consent. He appears in my thoughts unbidden, being held in the arms of another man.” – A Tale of Two Men

March I was dating, and it primarily a man who is so vanilla that he believes oral sex is kinky. He is wonderful but not at all what I was looking for. Still, I really like him, and if I’m not scaring him away and he’s open minded, then I’m willing to move slowly and teach him my desires in kink.

But my heart is still breaking this month, and my thoughts are often with experiences between my husband and myself. I hate when my mind drifts in this way, but I need to forgive myself as it’s still all such a new gaping hole in my life. For years I only thought of him, it will take me awhile to stop.

Favorite Photo: Cammies on the Floor 1This month featured a lot of penis in it, showcasing two of my ex lovers. So my favorite, since this month has been so heavy with the past, is a photo that more reflects my current mood of dark and an overwhelming outpouring of emotion.

Accomplishments: There have no accomplishments for the blog. Outside of the blog, there are a few things worth celebrating this month.

Featured Blog: Rebel’s Notes

Another seriously influential sex blogger, she hosts memes like Wicked Wednesday, Sexy Searching, The Menopause Diaries, and the Oral Sex Project. She is my number one supporter and commenter – I don’t know if I would continue to pursue different ways of writing if it wasn’t for her. She is bold with her photos, brave in her Scavenger Hunt photos. She writes of her D/s journey and is honest in her own faults. She has a relationship that I am envious of. Her erotic fiction is pretty hot as well. Speaking of her kick ass nature, happy 200 prompts for Wicked Wednesday!!

Wicked Wednesday

 

Wicked Wednesday is celebrating 200 prompts! We’ve participated in 131 of them, and so happy to be so involved in such a great meme.

 Posted by at 8:39 am
Feb 222016
 

February Photofest Badge 2016Evie Vane, who I had the pleasure of meeting in person at a Rope Bottom’s Round-table, writes Rope Bottoming’s Dark Side.  She was asked what is the dark reason that she does rope, as there is almost always a dark reason. She ponders the question, sees her dark reason, and can’t stop seeing it. Her friend gives her brilliant advice of dancing with it again. She goes into how freeing she felt after that. It’s a great article, check it out.

She also mentions that this is something of a shadow. In Jungian psychology, the shadow’s denial or unawareness makes it darker. It may be the primitive animal instincts, but it tends to be more creative, representing “the true spirit of life as against the arid scholar” (Wikipedia).

f5

Edited from photo series, one was posted 8-15-15

I’ve never been asked this question, and feel like it needs a great deal of thought. Some things I feel like I’ve discussed, things I would view negatively in myself in any other situation other than BDSM, such as passivity, controlled, mindless, objectified, and exhibited (a lot of this I’ve discussed in just one post Watching Me).

I strongly dislike passive people, it is incredibly opposite to how I perceive myself (and how others also think that I am not passive) and I have little patience in accepting situations that are not by my design. Yet, there is some part of myself that just wants to accept what is happening to me without resistance or responsive action. Not only is this prominent in rope, it also plays a part in my kink of being unconscious during part of sexual touching (either woken up from sleep or coming to after a blood choke). Being so compliant and submissive is the path of least resistance that does not come easy to my personality, but one that is so peaceful; rope helps me find that peace. (I just recently became aware of my acceptance towards passiveness in my negotiations with Mimir.)

Controlled is something that I instantly feel the almost teenage instinct to rebel against, and yet in rope, I have simply no choice. I am bound, I can fight or struggle all I want – I am still being forcibly controlled. The power dynamic of this is incredibly erotic to me, and also can be pointed towards another kink of mine with consensual non consent (that I haven’t engaged in very far). Someone else is in control and I am powerless to do anything about it, even if I so desired.

Mindless is something that I first became aware of in sex and kink, as my brain is always going, and often in negative directions. I pride myself on my intelligence, my ability to multitask and juggling so much, yet I need a break. So to switch my brain into just focusing in on the moment is something that I view as a positive and why I first began exploring kink. In rope it needs to be a very challenging or painful rope, as the physical needs have to override the constant chaos that is my brain. I love having fun rope experiences, and my husband is fantastic at providing very comfortable rope rides, but I also love how we’re exploring (and I’m exploring with others) more painful (or orgasm play – that works too) rope.

Objectified is prevalent in most of the rope I do, mostly because I’ve been a practice bottom more than a person bottoming in a scene. When someone is learning, they don’t need me to react or connect to me – they just need constructive feedback (like a test dummy). During a class or practice, people only really talk to the rope top, I am pretty much ignored. It was something I became aware of on the edge of my consciousness when people would see me suspended and talk about me as if I wasn’t there. As much as this may sound negative (and it annoys me at times), I am so respected and cherished by my husband that it feels somewhat freeing to treated impersonally from time to time. It is a huge turn on to an object of pleasure where a man is only in it for himself and what he wants sometimes; it is sexy to be molded and positioned in rope to how they want me for their artistic vision.

Exhibited could be a darker source of pride perhaps? While I do not view myself as an exhibitionist, there is something rewarding about being admired or viewed. I like to hear compliments of how well I did, how lovely I looked, how I am skilled at being in positions in rope. I like being talked about in a positive way. I’ve discussed how I don’t get the duality of strength and vulnerability without being in public, but that is no longer the case: Mimir and my husband both have tied me now and put me on display for just their view (and it’s very uncomfortable and yet strangely erotic for me).

Are there darker reasons? I’ve discovered there are since writing this, and I’ll keep attempting to shed light on more of my shadows since there are so many new ones since being separated – it’s a bit scary to me and one I need to process through.

What about you, what are your shadows?

 Posted by at 10:46 am
Jan 312016
 

A Dissolute Life Means writes about seeing multiple men and poetically using a carousel analogy. I love how beautifully she writes this, how it doesn’t diminish her want of something more permanent but she is accepting of the fun as it comes along. Another of her posts that I love is how she leads with her sexuality and that it is okay for her to do so.

Michael, from D/s Life, writes about men marrying a slut, and I love his words. I love men like this.

Esther Perel writes about what happens in couples after someone cheats, where she follows up with some past clients and categorizing three primary reactions.

 Posted by at 6:49 am
Jan 142016
 

My first kiss was with an asshole. He still was one hell of a kisser though. It was the first time I felt a stirring of horniness. We were laying on the carpet in a room, and he was pressed fully on top of me. My knees kept wanting to bend – whether to further embrace him or relieve some pressure on my lower back I can’t remember – he kept pushing my knees down. It was a short relationship – that may have been the only time I kissed him.

*

My husband’s and mine first kiss took place in the parking lot in front of a casino. It was a chaste kiss – no tongue, we were just friends, and he picked me up until I was eye level to him. I wrapped my legs around his waist for added support, smiled at him, and leaned down and gave him a small kiss on his luscious lips. It took all of a second.

*

The minute I knew we were no longer just friends was when his breath washed over my sensitive skin, washed away my reservations, as we cuddled in a bed one night. We were drinking with the sleeping sun, joking and talking as close friends do. Then he leaned in close, swept my hair aside, and just breathed. My neck betrayed the erotic pulse beat beneath the exposed skin. Bold suddenly which was unlike him, he leaned in and those plump lips grazed the pulse, tongue tentatively dipped and tasted my heartbeat which was forever his afterwards. All my nerve endings came from where he kissed.

The the first move, the first real reaching out sexually, and the fact that he was so shy and still started it surprised us both.

I moaned, pressed against his mouth, let it melt and meld my inhibitions. I rolled over and pressed my lips to his, this time my tongue dived in his mouth and became the aggressor, plundered. My hands and legs wrapped around him, closing any division between us. It was his turn to be surprised. (Breaking Walls)

*

A threesome years ago created a hot moment. My husband grabbed my throat, looked me in the eyes and told me to hold me still, his eyes a steady calm gaze in a passion filled fogged to my own, his mouth kissing mine as another man’s mouth kissed between my legs.

It was during a moment that I had already had so many orgasms that I was beginning to want to stop due to being overwhelmed.

I was on my hands and knees, my boyfriend laying underneath me, his hands wrapped around my thighs, his gifted tongue between my legs. He had his tongue and lips pierced and the metal would add harder sensations amidst soft lips and wet tongue. I squirmed away as much as possible, so overloaded on pleasure and overly sensitive. Every grazing of his mouth or tongue would shoot sparks of pleasure deep into my pussy and create a tighten that would add up quickly to another orgasm. His arms wrapped tighter on my thighs, his hands gripped and pushed me further upon his mouth.

And I continued, despite being so overwhelmed, because there was my husband urging me to do so with his kisses and commands. (Something I masturbated to for awhile)

*

I love first kisses. The shy or bold eye contact, the leaning in, maybe grazing skin at certain parts of the body or hands softly exploring, the almost fearful or anxious breath that both exhibits, the way the lips extend a bit in not quite a pucker, the first meeting of the lips, how one person may open just a bit in invitation, how another person may pillage their way in. I am always curious if they kiss with

wet

dry

aggressive

timid

just tip of tongue

a lot of tongue

a thick tongue

a hardened bolden tongue

suction

all over the mouth

only tilt their head to one side and are crap at the other

take my breath away

allow air to come between our lips

kiss with their whole body

make noises

dominate my tongue or lips

….and so many other ways. That first moment is magical, even if we’re not compatible. It’s a merging of two bodies wanting to connect on such an intimate level.

*

Sometimes I feel like the movie prostitute who states no mouth kissing – I do not need mouth kissing to have sex. I can kiss someone everywhere and have them kiss me everywhere and yet our mouths do not need to touch. So when I do kiss someone on the mouth, it somehow feels more intimate, and somehow more dangerous. I could get their colds; they could steal my heart.

*

On the opposite end of the spectrum, my husband calls himself a mouth whore. That man loves to kiss on the mouth, and when he’s drinking he becomes a bit more inviting of others to kiss him. Kissing is one of his favorite activities and he can do just that for hours.

Kink of the Week is on kissing. I would consider this a real kink of my husband, and a love of mine.

 Posted by at 6:19 am
Jan 052016
 

A post about the last three months of 2015, choosing my favorite or most revealing photos and posts and giving some background information; also listing accomplishments. The last three months have been when the separation from my husband began to wear on me and my friends began making more regular appearances than I’ve shown in the past.

 

October: 

Favorite post:

“My brain is often a chaotic swirling of thoughts, speeding by so quickly that sometimes it’s hard to find clarity. Even coming down from the spacey high of the scene, my unconscious background noise was beginning all over again, a realization made evident only when my wrong assumption was brought to light. Proven wrong, the wisps of vague notions of what I should be doing and how I’m doing stilled.” – When I thought the Scene Was Done

Mimir featured a lot in the month of October as a new play partner to me. There were some issues with having a play partner at first in my marriage, but the issues were resolved slowly. Because he was mentioned 3 times, and having a play partner is certainly another chapter in my exploration, I felt like a post needed to be included. I choose this one because it was my favorite part of the three part scene.

Untitled-1Favorite photo: Suspending Bigger Bodies is my favorite this month, though truly 4 photos featured a female friend in the month of October, so I loved them all. Perhaps it’s because my husband was gone that I pulled from my support system of friends?

Accomplishments: Outdoor Suspension on both (and both from) Kilted Wookie on Sinful Sunday; I loved his comment about doing “more for rope sales than 50 Shades”. 

Using The Opposite of Standing picture as an example in Sinful Sunday’s monthly prompt,  described as “a view very rarely seen of the human body”.

Girl on the Net gives a nod to the photo Underwater Wax, but during this post from her my heart hurts for her, especially considering I had my own battles with posting photos.

We made Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2015, as well as number 2 for Top Erotica Blogs!

Mere Days in Wicked Wednesday’s weekly roundup.

November: 

Favorite post:

“In that brief moment of his body pressing mine into the floor…

…my legs bound and spread,

….his hands pining my wrists and throat,

….in shallow inhalations tasting and swallowing his breath as it washed against my face,

…he became more lover than play partner – he felt as if he was a part of me, inside of me, not only quieting my mind but deeply penetrating inside.” – Pressed into the Floor

After reading this write up of the scene, Mimir approached me with taking our playing to a more intimate level, to which I am very grateful for.

IMG_0761Favorite photo: Video for Him is my favorite picture, if only because it shows another level of how my husband and myself stay connected long distance, though I was pretty proud of my performance on that video that he requested.Sex Blogger Of The Month


Accomplishments: 
We made it to three whole years of blogging!

Wank of the Day’s Sex Blogger of the Month! Just wow – what an amazing honor to picked as the sex blog of the month. Not to mention that this is such a fantastic idea that I may have to do it myself next year.

December:

Favorite Post:

“over the years my wife and I have been married we have tried many things. The trust we have in each other far surpasses anything I have ever experienced before. Being allowed to be myself and not shoved in this box of what society deems normal and okay has opened up my mind to many questions;”- My Wife

My husband does not write a lot, but this month he was featured twice, both sharing his viewpoint of opening up our marriage a bit more. This post was actually a reflection I requested of him while we were separated, a question of kinks and desires; so I was a bit surprised he opened with some words on describing me and our relationship, and of course fell in love with them.

blog 3Favorite Photo: Atargatis is a friend of mine who has been featured quite a bit in photos recently. She’s been a huge help in keeping me company, and she’s creative with photos, so we’ve been spending a lot of time together. Here is one that my husband was a part of before he left – he’s the artistic one with hot wax, and she has a beautiful body for a canvas. I was lucky enough to be behind the camera.


20of2015Accomplishments: 
Festive Bondage made Sinful Sunday’s weekly roundup.

69 Suspension made Sinful Sunday’s weekly roundup.

Kayla Lord’s weekly Newsletter featuring Last Christmas.

Molly’s Top 20 of 2015 – such an amazing accomplishment. She is incredibly supportive in the sex blogging community and I imagine quite busy, so I am humbled that she reads us leisurely when she finds the time.

2015Bloggers2Beck and her Kinks’ Top 25 Sex Bloggers of 2015 – Beck is very generous with her time – we skyped once because she had some advice on how I could improve my blog, and I always go to her with what sex toy I should buy next.

Gold_trophy

Kilted Wookie’s Naughty List of Top 20 of 2015. Any list that includes the word naughty I am all about. Not to mention that his badge of a wookie never ceases to crack me up. I think he’s fantastic, and feel like I talk to him on twitter more than any other person recently.

Rebel’s Top 20 Blogs of ’15 – Rebel has always been incredibly generous with her time, her supportive comments show a dedication to this community that inspire me. So it is especially appreciated that she honors us in this list. She is incredibly creative with her Skelly stories and her photos.

RNTop20of15

 

 Posted by at 6:52 am