He requested that I dominate him.
In the past, before I requested the same thing from him, we would switch. It wasn’t true domination, but rather a long tying session, where we would tease and taunt the other person tied up. This would we switch.
He outweighs me double, and our height proportion is a vast difference. So clearly my dominating would not be of a physical sense, but more of an emotional/mental one. In this regard, unquestionably I am this person outside of the bedroom already.
I asked him what he wanted. For weeks. He didn’t give me an answer. I pushed, prodded, to know what it was he desired. After all, I gave him explicit information for my request of domination, even a list of other bloggers’ posts to read, stating that “I wanted this”.
I wanted to give him a great experience, and that would be helpful if I had an idea of what he wanted. The most I got was, “so you know what I go through, and vice versa”. Vague, mostly still shooting in the blind, but at least something.
So, I tied him up, took away his physical control. Blindfolded him, took away the knowing of what was next. Teased and taunted him. And to give him a taste of what I felt when he dominated me, even threw in a few phrases that he would tell me.
After a long session of this, he was disappointed. He felt that I was trying to be him at points (when that was all I had to go off of). He wanted pegging (unstated). He didn’t want to be tied the whole time, but that is the only way I am able to physically control him.
I did peg him later in the night, when he stated that was a desire he had. He wanted soft kisses and close embraces with that. That is not my impression of dominating.
I was frustrated with the experience, and several weeks later, I am still frustrated. I feel that it is very important to ask for a fantasy, to be insightful into what it entails; otherwise, do not walk into a situation with expectations. It will lead to frustration and disappointment to both parties.
I have no idea if he wants to try at it again; I think we both ended with a bit of defeat. I just know that I personally don’t want to try to fulfill what he wants without him explaining it, because obviously he had specific things that he anticipated, and wasn’t satisfied with me doing my best with a blank story.
Fantasies are amazing to have, and should be asked for if desired. But to be vague, it is more fair to leave the fantasy open to what will happen between the two (or more) people. If something very specific is wanted, then that needs to be shared. There’s nothing wrong in asking for exactly what is craved – it’s not demanding or lacking in spontaneous – it is the fantasy being carried out.