Jun 182014

It is unfortunate that I have experienced the burnout of a sub drop for quite awhile before realizing that I needed aftercare. Not too many people write about it after the experiences of the high.

Not to mention that I’ve experienced this with intense multiple orgasms that have nothing to do with “submissive play”. I’m not sure that (a) many people are aware of that it feels the same, or (b) that many women can multiple to that extent. I only know that I have experienced it, and the burnout is horrific from this – more because it’s more subtle that I need care when I haven’t been treated roughly or gone through any mind fucks.

What I’ve read has helped to such a great extent. I’ve read that I’m not alone in:

the depression and lethargy,

that it sucks – and that’s putting it mildly,

that I may feel incredibly alone,

ready to separate from my lover,

withdrawal in general,

feel abandoned,

feel angry,

honestly feel like the world isn’t worth it and not being dramatic,

that it may occur immediately afterwards or even a couple of days.

…………………………………This type of information is so comforting.

Another helpful contribution in reading is the actual aftercare that some use. It is individualized, especially depending on what an individual needs/likes, but I’ve gotten some really great ideas. Like:

a straw in a water cup for ease of drinking while exhausted or tied up,

chocolate or sugared candy (just a tiny piece) for sugar drops,

words of assurance (you were great, beautiful, etc.) (I love you, so glad I’m with you, etc.),

tightly being held,

warm blankets,

soft lighting,

the person waiting to clean/tidy up until after my need for being held is met,

soft caresses (not for stimulation, but relaxation),

absolutely no serious conversation afterwards -not thinking right and it takes them out of the “happy/high” feeling.

Now, I’ve had to find these ideas on my own (instead of my lover) and suggest them; but I suppose that it hardly matters as long as my needs are being met by a man who has never done this either. I just recently read of another blogger suggesting things like their favorite movie (though I can’t imagine this being directly after), waiting for a bit and then stimulating them just a little (like kisses and an anal plug) for a taper down effect, a bath with their favorite salts/bubbles.

It has been a challenging journey, trying to find limits, reaching states (only read about) for the first time, trying to figure out what the heck to do with ourselves afterwards. I’m loving the journey, I’m frustrated with it at times, but most importantly: I’m learning.


 Posted by at 10:29 am

  6 Responses to “My Aftercare”

  1. Aftercare is tricky and it is very organic. Sometimes I get surprised by the things that cause an unexpected and hard drop. I guess that when we have been doing something intense I will have planned for it. Multiple orgasms do cause drop for me and I have learnt to cope with that.

    For me, there are two very different situations. If we have played hard and I am still staying with him, then the physical contact, hugs, gentle talking, praise and things like drinks and snacks help. The most effective aftercare for me is skin on skin contact.

    When I have has to return home, I need those texts, phonecalls and being told to look after myself. Talking about drop helps. Naming it keeps my responses more rational.

    I hope you continue to find things that work for you.

  2. Yes. I saw a friend do a 2 day “subdrop”. Not pretty. Depression, self loathing, more depression, shame. No shock that the list goes on.
    Here’s what I think is happening in scene play often: objectivity play.
    I think the sub goes from
    1. personhood
    2. to object
    3. back to personhood
    The Aftercare is the transition back to personhood. Leave someone object mode for 2 days? Very painful. Few want to be an object for two days. OK, take my humanity away in scene play; but give it back, damn it. A lady will often love it when you call her a bitch or a whore in scene play. And then slap your face if you call her that at work. I say.

    thanks for your post; got us thinking; about why Aftercare is sooooooo important. Going from person to object to person is like a deep dive. Need a decompression chamber, no?

  3. Great candid post; it’s not something that really hits me. Sure, I get the cuddles and the reassurance when I need it, but I haven’t experienced the lethargy and isolation et al. We don’t often play seriously hard though.


  4. I have never had aftercare. When my sir was done he was done. And he didn’t understand why I was so depressed for days afterward. Course he didn’t even know about sub space or subdrop. Just got mad at why I was so depressed. Still does.

    • I’m sorry to hear that. Have you pointed him towards reading someone needing or giving aftercare? Or just expressed a need for it?
      I didn’t realize what subdrop was, and my partner(s) certainly didn’t either. It was something that I couldn’t do without, however, as I dislike the depression without it. So sorry you go through it (though sometimes it’s not always preventable anyhow).

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