*I have a category of rope, to see all pictures and postings, click here.
Because rope was my ex-husband’s favorite “kink”, it was mine. Rope allowed him to take control by taking away my control in a way I was pleasantly surprised with. It allowed me to finally quiet the over thinking and surrender into what was being done to me. It created silence and peace that I had been craving for so long and that seemed so elusive to me.
Since it’s been a recent journey and the blog has been around from the beginning, I’m writing up this special journey (most of the posts I’ve chosen have pictures, as well). (Forgive the dates not matching publication – they reflect when I wrote them.)
October 2013: “But I did manage to get tied up by Gray Dancer, amid regular restaurant goers who gave us weird looks. He was so patient as he instructed my husband and myself on how to tie, and at my sister’s insistence (though I had no idea what it was, if my sister said I could do it, I believed her) he graciously bound me in a reverse prayer.” –M’s EroticonUSA
My ex-husband had just learned to tie, thanks to the amazing Gray Dancer.
November 2013: “A short moment later, my ankles were tied. I was confused by this. “Why would you tie my ankles? My legs won’t part.”
He looked at me. “Are you questioning me?” he asked. I understood the tone, shook my head no.” – His Rope Show
This was when I first began playing in power dynamics thanks to rope and sex.
June 2014: “…fucking me senseless. However, there were some flaws with this set up.
Yep, that’s right: I’m taking this realistically. Don’t get me wrong, he teased and pleased the fuck out of me. He even stopped halfway and checked in with me…” –Child’s Pose
Not all experiences with rope have gone stellar (lucky for me, most have). My first lesson in being better about speaking up when something hurts.
December 2014:“After I was suspended, he clamped on the nipple clamps, added rope, positioned between my lower lips, and then tied the rope off in my hair, pulling my head back. Every movement of my head (to which he made sure there were plenty) pulled the rope taunt between my legs, and yanked at my nipples.” – Predicament Bondage
Five months into suspensions and I began loving the additional challenge of having fun in predicament bondage.
January 2015: “it makes me feel both vulnerable to be viewed, to have others watching me and quietly discussing, to be put on as a show, to be an object…then there is strength in the surrender of control, in the acceptance of the bite and the wrappings of the rope, of the defiance in the predicament…In my love for him, for the rope he binds me in, I find strength while leaving myself so vulnerable. It is freeing” – Watching Me
Once my ex and I started actually doing scenes with each other (when we became comfortable in rope skills), instead of just practicing, I began to notice people actually watched us. It was a bit of a surprise that anyone would even want to – after all, we didn’t look like most people did during scenes, and I wasn’t used to being on display.
July 2015: “He assumed she knew the positions – she didn’t know them all but she’d been tied many times before – and trusted her body. He discussed her endurance level and ability from past observations, asked her for her concerns or limitations.
She had watched him scene many times, had faith in his abilities. She stripped down to just her panties, kneeled with her back to him as he directed, and anxiously waited.
He was the first person she had scened with other than her own partner.” –A New Scene
The first time I did a scene with someone other than my ex, and the most amount of pain I’ve ever allowed. This man would later become my rope partner, Mimir.
August 2015: “Tears streamed down my face, privately, I hoped, please have let it be privately, ‘it’s not about the tie, it’s about connection, and about me’.” – Lesson Learned
People in the rope community talk about how they don’t tie rope, they tie people. Well, as a bottom who practices a lot with a learning top, I hadn’t been a person in quite awhile, and I was hurt about that fact. Rope connection had been a thing of contention between my ex and myself for awhile, and I finally broke down and cried about that fact when a class explicitly was taught to not worry about rope and connect with each other, and we still didn’t.
November 2015: “Everything off.” A new phrase from him. Attempting to not feel awkward, I took a deep breath and quickly complied, my clothes swiftly coming off.
I laid down on the bed, completely naked in front of him. I wasn’t sure what to expect and I was almost too nervous to look directly at him. In most sexual circumstances, I am almost assertive – but I’ve never been asked to be so passive before as we negotiated…“- Everything Off
My first doing orgasm play with someone other than my ex.
all riggers that I didn’t know,
and I sat in the background,
and one says:
“I have no one to tie tonight”.
I pulled my hair into a ponytail
and stated, “well, I came here to get tied.
“Well, yes, let’s do this,” – At a Rope Event
Since I have a true love of rope, I needed to get out into a new rope community, make friends, and be tied by people that I was meeting. I really try to put myself out there and get what I want – after all, the worst that can happen is I am told no, and I gain nothing by not speaking out.
What’s in my rope bag as a bottom?
Rope: I’m a bottom without a top. I bring my own rope, though I haven’t used it yet. (I need to buy safety shears too.)
Yoga shorts: I’m wearing these less and less and just getting down to panties in public or naked in private
Blanket: I get cold pretty easily after being unwrapped in rope, or just from coming down from a scene
Pajama bottoms: these aren’t even close to sexy, they’re simply for my comfort afterwards
Soft flannel shirt: over sized and warm for comfort and not for looks, it also can go around my naked body and cocoon me afterwards if needed, or go over my attire almost like a jacket, not to mention…pockets
Fuzzy socks: goes with the whole unsexy but warm afterwards look
Chapstick: by far the most important thing in my rope bag, I am a chapstick addict and cannot go out of the house without it
Wartenburg Wheel: to add to sensations while tied, though I’ve not used my own but once (Mimir had one he uses on me)
Nipple Clamps: Haven’t been used since my husband, but I have them because they’re brilliant for some predicament bondage; I have, however, had other nipple clamps on, just not my own
Chocolate or a snack: in case I need a quick dose of sugar after the physical exhaustion of a scene
Water bottle: honestly, the same water bottle has been there for a bit – there’s always water readily available wherever I am, but I don’t want to be all the sudden be bereft if I’m thirsty
An article that I feel that is important, written by Midori.