Sep 022014
 

I’ve noticed a trend in my boy. It’s one I don’t particularly like. He has a problem saying no. He generally doesn’t care if people are rude to him either. It gets me bristly. ONLY I have the right to boss my boy around, other people have to treat him like a person. He’s not their property, he’s MINE. He also gives very little feedback of what’s being done to him. I’ve started a system where every time a blow is particularly painful he will say “thank you ma’am”, and to enforce it, if I see that something is hurting I’ll hit him until he DOES say what he’s supposed to. It’s worked pretty well.

 

So far I’ve spanked him with a variety of things, introduced him to the horrors of hairbrush meeting inner thigh, and light to moderate flogging. We’ve been exploring with other things and have found he likes choking, but not during sex because he loses his erection. He likes being slapped, the more the merrier. He likes being scratched and gets turned on by marks left.

 

Last night as we’re lying in bed a goodnight kiss turned a bit more intense, I felt his hand move to stroke himself, and I started warming up to the idea. I deepened the kiss and started to scratch his chest, stomach, and side. Everything ramps up. I gradually increase the pressure of my nails and his mouth becomes voracious. I feel him reaching ever closer to the peak and dig in for all I’m worth to his side.

 

He moans and whimpers. My temperature rises. He bites my cheek, my neck. The whimpers increase. Suddenly though, I don’t feel his arm moving. I know he hasn’t cum. I lean back and stroke his cheek. Something is off.

 

It turns out, my grabbing a nice hunk of him with my nails hurt. Not the good hurt fun times, but the ouchy-no-stroky kind. He didn’t say anything. Not a peep. His in distress moans and his happy ones are identical. When I bring up the biting he told me it was “panic biting”…

 

Yup. Panic biting.

 

I feel like an ass. I’m also frustrated. I feel like an asshole because he MADE me feel like an asshole.

 

Then I compound my asshole-iness by giving a lecture on how I need him to TALK to me, to TELL me what’s working and what’s not. Don’t sit there and let me hurt you unendingly and just take it. Even if it’s an experiment past a soft limit, you at least need to let me know what that limit is so that way I’m aware and in control of crossing it or not.

 

Despite me knowing that the blame for this one ultimately doesn’t land on me, it doesn’t stop me from feeling bad… Nailed it!

 

 

Wicked Wednesday
Silence isn’t always golden.

  6 Responses to “Nailed It!”

  1. Don’t feel bad. Transparent communication is imperative to our dynamics. If it is one-sided, then it must be seen to, and perhaps more punishment is required. You’ll get less spankings and less nails, if you don’t speak up to insure we’re BOTH enjoying ourselves. I do not think your lecture/talk was asshole-ish. You’re in command, and he should adhere to your wishes, and that includes his safety.

  2. Sounds like your boy is a little introverted (have you applied the personality test to him?!); I can be too at times.

    Ultimately I like it when my wife tries to hurt me; the nails, the paddle, the sticks, the biting and the slapping. And we have a word to mean slow down, back off – “peaches” as well as our safeword – “strawberries.”

    I can say “no” and squeal indignantly and it’s all good fun; but when I offer my “peaches” it’s toned down or stopped for a moment for a chat.

    And as for people being rude, I have incredibly thick skin. I have been called so many things in the past, from “terrorist” to “awkward cunt” to “pain in the arse” to “fucking gobshite” and a million things in between. It goes with my job, my personality, my principles and I stopped caring what people thought about me when I was still in primary school. My wife is the only person who is allowed to boss me around, but she knows that lots of other poeple will be rude to me!

    But I’d agree with Mr Monday … communication from the sub to the domme is crucial. My wife knows my soft, harder and hard limits. I’m happy for her to, and want her to, push the first two with impunity but expect “peaches” if it goes too far too fast.

    And if he doesn’t feel comfortable communicating during the sex, perhaps making/asking him to write down his thoughts after it for your blog, for his own blog or for a diary, would be a way of getting him used to vocalising what he thinks about the sex. 😉

    John

  3. I can totally understand why you feel bad about this, but you shouldn’t. It’s a learning process for you both. He has difficulty talking and should understand that he should meet you at least halfway by telling you if something is not right. And I can also imagine that after such a session as described above, you are more alert on when feels are off. It’s a difficult situation, but together you are learning and together you will make it perfect for you – of that I am quite sure 🙂

    Rebel xox

  4. I understand his silence completely. I used to be this way, it took quite a while for M to teach me that my silence actually meant it was much harder for him to ‘learn’ me and that it also put both of us at risk. Me of being damaged and him of knowing he has damaged me…. Once I started to understand that actually my silence was holding us back not pushing us on it really changed it for me and I felt not just able but required to be more open in communicating

    Mollyxxx

  5. Men can seem funny creatures at times to us women (and we to them)! Our psychologies are often very different.

    Men can inately feel, in a situation where there maybe physical pain involved, that they should be “strong” that they should be “able to take it” that they “can take it no matter what it is”.

    When they can’t, for whatever reason, they then may feel are “weak”, “not manly enough” or “failing you (or himself)” because they have to “admit” there is a limit they cannot cope with.

    Maybe this is the way his mind is working and he is finding it difficult to communicate this side of himself to you. Maybe he is feeling that he is letting you down by not being able to handle what happened or to speak up about it.

    As a sometime Domme myself in my relationship, I would suggest that you may like to try to sit down, putting your feelings aside for the moment and ask him how he felt, how his mind was working, try to find where he is coming from, make him central to the conversation and see if you can find what is making him “tick”.

    Try to just listen and not to make any judgement, opinion or argument, just give him the time and space to say what he needs to.

    See where you get to and then take things from there.

    I hope that this helps. I had to deal with a fairly closed and difficult to “get past the wall person” that is my lovely man, but once I did we both have the most honest, clear relationship that both of us have ever had in our lives. We know that we can say absolutely anything to the other without fear or retribution. It is the most wonderful feeling to have.

    I wish you both all the best and I am sure that you will find YOUR way and what suits you BOTH.

    ~Mia~ xx

  6. I’m with you on this. Why not say anything? Something?! I would feel bad because I care about the person, however that would be over ridden by the fact he said nothing.

    I can understand if you, both had just gotten together and perhaps his fear of rejection prevented him from speaking up.

    Hope everything works out for ya, both. 🙂

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