Slutfest: a week and a half between my husband leaving me, my travel back to our home, and packing up the remainder of our stuff to move it across country and say goodbye to every thing I knew. My sis A named it that with her friends in the periods between when they were single, and my sister helped me design an online profile to attract the type of men that only wanted a hook up. Apparently, I’m the only one of her friends – herself included – to do slutfest completely sober, all the more reason why I’m suited to it, she commented. I am truly emotionally unattached to sex, if I chose to be so.
Slut fest total: 8 in 1.5 weeks, 3 of them prior partners
I went for the “pretty boys“, mostly the young military men newly formed and sculpted, the ones who spent hours a day at the gym and hours more being active at work. They would even message me asking if I were interested in someone younger. I went strictly for looks and perhaps that is why I was overall unimpressed with skill, except the last guy. I am often not attracted to looks, it is not important to me, and maybe that’s I changed my tactic this time – to be the opposite of me; plus if they were just going to be a body to fuck and nothing more – the body should be in peak physical form to satisfy me..at least in theory.
Again, the reality is that these men overall didn’t bring skills to the table, perhaps they thought their gorgeous bodies were the only thing needed. And they were pretty to look at, to touch.
But many of the men couldn’t stay hard (I heard a lot of condom griping), didn’t care about my pleasure, foreplay was unimportant, sex was the monotony of ramming as fast as they could without angles or even rhythm.
Sometimes I wondered if I was just there to fill the empty places in them, the same way that I was using them. If it even mattered at all what the opposite person in front of us wanted or needed, because they were just a distraction from ourselves. The men didn’t know me any better than I knew them. Was I another notch on their post, a conquest gained, or did they seek me out to combat the lonely holes in their own lives?
I used sex for all the wrong reasons during slutfest, but I am still glad I did it. I felt desired, I felt like I could find another and that I didn’t need to worry about being alone the rest of my life; I felt like I could relax and rest and recuperate before pursuing something a bit more real and authentic – whatever that ends up being.
I don’t think I’ve got fucking out of my system wholly, I do after all truly enjoy sex for the sake of sex, but I am more ready to take a deep breath, be a bit more patient and less desperate, and seek out someone compatible rather than a distraction I was to discard immediately.