Feb 102015

In the world of digital romance and online dating sites, the way the game is played is quite different than it used to be. Much like how we’re all looking for the newest, spiffiest gadget or car, online dating has brought that sense of impatience and always looking for the next big thing, into our love lives.

First dates used to be exciting. Sure there was nervousness, but before online dating, you used to know a bit more about who you were going on a date with, and unless it was a blind date, you already had one crucial question answered: if you were even attracted to the person.

Now the first date is all about interview. You assess chemistry, questions are asked to judge compatibility… every first date is the same, no matter how different the plans might be. The enjoyment of being on a first date is gone. Many first dates never go on to be second dates, even if you thought the first date went well and they seemed interested. It’s the nature the beast now.

Even if there isn’t chemistry, I’ve (luckily) never had a truly bad date. I’m social and outgoing, so I can carry a date if I need to. However, it gets exhausting sometimes, and it’s easy to get burnt out and need a break.

Oh, ummm, yeah,  I'm getting ready for our date...

Oh, ummm, yeah, I’m getting ready for our date…

Its at this point that I start blowing off dates. I simply can’t keep up with it. Imagine going to 4-5 job interviews a week? Yeah, no thanks!

I have way more success finding dates though more conventional means. I already know if they make my temperature rise, I already, for the most part, know the answers to the basic questions about that person. These are dates that I actually get to enjoy spending time with someone and getting to know them better.

If you want my advice: get away from your app and go find places to meet new people. Join a hobby group, go to clubs with social atmospheres. Even other forms of online social interactions are far more successful. I’ve met boyfriends through video games, I meet people through fetlife. At least with these mediums you’re interacting with people with similar interests.

So put away your dating resume, and just start having a good time.

Wicked Wednesday
February Photofest 2015

  7 Responses to “The Dating Game”

  1. I have never stopped to think that meeting someone on a blind date is like a job interview, but you’re right! We’ve met couples and single people to see whether there’s a click for a play date, and those could of course be classified as interviews too.

    I agree, get out from behind the computer and meet people in different ways, such as we did through my writing group 🙂

    Rebel xox

  2. I, luckily, have never had to use a dating site. I’m married and hit it off with my now wife straight from the dot get after being introduced via her sister.

    Now, I know there are many exceptions to this, but unfortunately some people do churn through the prospects on dating sights.

    I’ve had one friend say quiet innocently “Its just a numbers game. I’ll find one sooner or later’ thinking that it was her right to just try and discard as she felt the need. Whilst I sort of applaud her logic, I cringe on the inside. I feel really sorry for all the guys she “interviewed” after they got up the courage to actually ask her out only to have her ‘blow them off’ after a half hour dinner or cup of coffee. I can’t help feeling it is very insensitive and disrespectful to the other ‘hopeful candidate.’ Its not a national election she’s taking part in where she tries to find someone who ticks all her boxes. Its someones emotions, and hopes of finding someone nice to be with.

    Another one of my friends, who met her husband on a dating site, and has had a child to him, has told me that she doesn’t think there is anything wrong with dating sites. But, and we (my wife and I) have never had the heart to tell her that her now husband, whom she waited five years before he asked her to marry him (and to whom she had a child first) was still ‘fielding candidate applications from his profile page 6 months after he met her. He told her he had shut it down but he hadn’t. She had shut hers down after they met.

    So, how would that make someone feel? You have shut your dating site profile down but he hasn’t. He is fielding candidates months after you think you are an ‘item and going steady.’ You have had a child to him (out of wedlock – traditional values blah blah) but he still hasn’t asked you to marry him. You have a mortgage together but he still doesn’t ask you to marry him.

    I know this is probably an exception to what most people experience, and I know that there must be lots of nice people have met other nice people on dating sites, but I can’t help but feel the whole process of dating sites does cheapen and devalue the dating process, and the way people look at relationships.

    Just my two bits.

  3. I did the dating thing once or twice. The first time it was very successful and I met a man who really uncovered my subbie nature and introduced to the wild world of swinging. The second time, it was just boring and in the end left me feeling tired and bored with it all and convinced that the type of man I was looking for just didn’t exist. As a result I had decided that I was meant to be on my own and then suddenly @domsigns appeared in my life. We met on a site for amateur erotic writers, that no longer exists sadly, and struck up a dialogue that quickly led to friendship and then more. By the time I flew to Philly to met him for the 1st time in person I knew it was the right thing to do and we have never looked back


  4. I’ve gone the dating route on many an occasion…even now as swingers, it’s almost like couples dating couples…always very much like the interview process.


  5. I suspect this is probably great advice. Will give it a go, I think!

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  7. […] “In the world of digital romance and online dating sites, the way the game is played is quite different than it used to be. Much like how we’re all looking for the newest, spiffiest gadget or car, online dating has brought that sense of impatience and always looking for the next big thing, into our love lives.” – The Dating Game […]

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