Oct 152013
 

“It’s hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That’s part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can’t refuse anything and can’t even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.” – Cherise Sinclair, Dark Citadel.

I am always in charge.
In my job, I lead over one hundred people. I am short, and yet have to stand tall and act big.

In my home, I am in charge of family. Kids with needing clear defined boundaries, a husband who is incapable of domestic decisions, and even caring for himself. The military takes most of our moments, husband is sucked dry of action or decision in the leftover moments at home. Every decision is mine, whether or not I want it. Every member needs my care and attention; it is my sole responsibility.

There is no escaping rampant thoughts, relinquishing control; I only find escape and release during sex. It has always been the only time my mind is quiet and still, and yet still I find that I have to initiate; but I initiate often due to the escapism – it is my compelling drug.

Perhaps that is why I enjoy reading so many blogs, many people discuss submitting, releasing, trusting another. I can experience in the moment my eyes travel the words. I can find and discover new ways to approach my lover with my own needs and wants after hearing others articulate so well.

Because I do need…
I desire to turn off my thoughts,
to deny myself of decisions,
to resist refusing or regulating.
I want to just feel,
to not plan or parley;
abide, absolve, accede, appease,
relent, relinquish, resign, release.
Just Feel.

Mine by Alvaro de la Herran, discovered by reading Violet Blue

I want to be this woman. People talk about subspace, and I can correlate it the escapism I go through during orgasm, but I want to know, fully, what it is.

 

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 Posted by at 3:29 am

  30 Responses to “Sub Silent”

  1. Awesome post – and a feeling I know all too well. It’s hard to stop that brain from running running running. To be able to let go and trust and be… it’s a heady sensation., and a rare one to experience.

    xx Dee

  2. Subspace is wonderful. It can also be a scary place. But I love it.

  3. They do say that those in control everywhere else make wonderful subs when the timing is right…they just want to be relieved of their duties for a little while.

    Stranded

  4. Subspace… the place where I do not have to think anymore and can be His, in body and mind. Brilliant post and I love the clip!

    Rebel xox

  5. This is an amazingly honest and raw piece of writing. Describing subspace is such a tough one. I have done my best but it has the potential to sound like a lot of mumbo jumbo…. and yet it is not. You are right about the similarities to orgasms but it is also more than that, different, deeper, it is the most relaxing and releasing thing ever.

    Mollyxxx

  6. damn, my head is still stuck on the vid.

    I can only imagine the frustration you feel. I think it is a stronger desire in people who are forced to be in a position of command and make decisions all day. Thank you for sharing

  7. I think it is why I like being submissive in the bedroom: I am a dominant personality outside the house. I lead a team (though not 100 people) and am a senior member of our site. I am chairman or deputy chairman of important committees and have some civic duties. I need balance in my life and I get that through submitting. I want to go further though.

    And yes, subspace sounds lovely too but my partner is too scared to take me there. 🙁

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