The internet can be a daunting and overwhelming place from time to time, especially when you’re looking for something in particular and something as niche as bdsm dating.
You can find yourself searching in all of the wrong places, it can feel as if you’re going in circles and you feel left out because everybody else seems to know the best places to hang out online and you feel as if you’re kept in the dark. Well, not anymore because I have every bdsm dating site you’re going to need, right here, no fuss.
We are lucky enough to live in a world where, once you know where to look, finding other kinksters couldn’t be easier, we have so much power at our fingertips and sometimes all it takes is a little push in the right direction from somebody who knows what they’re talking. That’s why this list is going to help you find the very best bdsm dating sites for any specific needs and any kind of naughty kink you may have.
My Boyfriend Are Open And I Have A Thing For BDSM
If you’re not a regular reader here, let me fill you in. My boyfriend (Chris) and I (Tiffany), are in a committed and happy relationship, however, we do enjoy an open relationship filled with honesty, respect, and trust. Dating sites, cam sites and everything in between is something we like to enjoy in our spare time, together or alone.
Bdsm dating isn’t all ropes and scary spanking paddles, you will also find people who just enjoy different kinks, fetishes, and a different way of life. There are so many fun and cute people to meet out there and dating sites are just one way to meet them. We both enjoy online fun and we consider ourselves experts on this topic now, having tried out every single site we mention and with an ever-growing list of sites people recommend to us.
We spend an unhealthy amount of time on the internet and it is not slowing down any time soon. Dating sites can be so exciting for couples as well as singles if you know where to go. We can’t wait to share with you all our very favorite bdsm dating sites, let us know your top site in the comments below!
List Of My Favorite, Active BDSM Dating Sites
Here we go, let’s kick this jam-packed list off with one of our very favorite places to hang out when we are feeling particularly in the mood for something less vanilla and more kink…
Fetish.com (The Best)
Free to join and filled with like-minded kinksters who are into everything the bdsm world has to offer. This site is extremely kink positive, there’s discrimination for your fetish and it doesn’t even matter if you’re a total newb and what you enjoy because you will find this dating site caters to everyone and everything.
This site isn’t just for dating, you can even find kink events near you and parties that take place in your desired area. This is a great way to step out of your comfort zone and meet people interested in the same steamy stuff as you.
Alt.com (Amazing Alternative To Trad Dating)
For those of us who are into the more unconventional side of dating, this site boasts a huge community of kinky individuals looking for masters, mistresses, amateurs, and someone to have sex with, and people to hook up with. You can join as a singleton, swinger, or a couple. There are no rules here.
Alt allows you to practice what you preach, giving you ways to enjoy bdsm sex online with others. No matter your sexual interests and fetishes, there is always someone on alt who fits your desires. It’s free to join and there is a verification process that lots of people really value.
If you want to know more about alt.com, we did a review of alt.com here.
Adult Friend Finder (Loads Of Kink Users)
Although it’s not specifically for kinksters, Aff is still a wonderful place to find like-minded horny individuals, couples, and swingers looking for some fun. You can find people looking for quick and discreet sex, as well as fetish users who openly display their desires so you will be able to find your people out there.
Make a descriptive and open profile specifying exactly what you’re looking for and find yourself connecting with people who have similar interests and sexual preferences as you do. Adult friend finder is well-established and has a huge community of different people all looking for sex, hook-ups, and some good old-fashioned flirting.
Fetlife (Amazing For Events & Meeting People)
We love this site, it’s an amazing mix of a dating site and a social media platform for kinksters. You can meet other horny and provocative members instantly, browse their profiles and enjoy the fetish lifestyle at a click of a button.
The algorithm will find you the perfect matches, suiting you to people interested in the same things and those with common interests. There’s no kink-shaming here, everyone is welcome and nothing is too extreme for this community.
If you want to take a look inside Fetlife, check out our full fetlife review.
BondagePal
Free to join and explicitly for bdsm dating, this site allows you to instantly create a profile and begin your search, where it matches you with people it thinks you will like. It is for everyone of any sexual orientation and pushes you to share and talk about your kinks openly.
The only issue with this site is because it is free to send messages and there is no verification process, you can find yourself with a few spam messages and fake profiles trying to talk to you. It can be tiring but the best thing to do is just ignore them and not interact.
KinkD (Fetish Dating App)
You will have to download the app (Google Play – Apple App) to access this dating app, however, it follows a similar format to Tinder, with its swipe left or right technology. You can also see if the person you are about to swipe on has already swiped on you, it saves you a lot of time and means you can meet and chat with people a lot quicker.
Although you set your location and distance you are willing to look to meet someone, you can still be contacted by people outside of your geolocation, which can be a little annoying if you want to meet someone in real life, not just online. The app itself is really well built, easy to use and a nice twist on bdsm dating.
BDSM.com
There are so many different niche groups and chat rooms for you to join, no matter your fetish, there will be a community for you here to explore. On this site, you can flirt, message, and meet millions of other users online, and make a vivid profile to let others know what you’re all about.
Aimed at people looking to meet other non-vanilla humans, this site gives you a platform to broadcast yourself, there are so many different things to enjoy here, including forums, chat rooms, webcams, instant messaging, picture uploads, and general advice. Moderators are also really active so fake and harmful profiles quite often get removed quickly.
Kinkoo
This is another app recommendation, it’s fairly new (established in 2017) but it is constantly updating and progressing with what its users want. This app uses the same sort of interface as Tinder (as we have seen before), allowing you to swipe on potential matches and create a sultry and descriptive profile about yourself.
You can meet with people with the same fetishes as you easily, make sure to elaborate on what you like and what you want, and find matches in your feed and your inbox. Some users have reported inconsistent matching and other errors but this is most likely to be resolved over time. You can get it on Google Play and Apple.
The Cage
You get a lot from this site, it is an active community filled with other kinksters, made by kinksters, and boasts everything you need to find your people. With a constantly updated forum, personals to explore, podcasts, events, chatrooms and so much more, this dating site puts you in the right place to discreetly and effortlessly find your unique matches.
I love how easy it is to find fetish events in your area and even around the world, it’s also so simple to set up a profile and get started, you can navigate around the site really well and instantly find yourself immersed in a discussion and talking to other members about the most interesting and arousing topics.
Fetster
For those who enjoy the finer things in life such as fetish and bdsm kinks, this dating site is free to join and gives you access to other members, chat rooms, and groups (which you can make yourself), dating, and more. You can learn from other members, you can seek out mistresses and doms and you will find so much to explore.
Although not as well-known as some of the other dating sites I have mentioned so far, fetster is very active, it welcomes everyone and anyone and, of course, any kink. There are some great people on this site, all looking to help you explore and give you insight into your kink. Members’ profiles are easy to find and messaging with others is so much fun!
BDSM Personals
‘Personals’ in the dating sense is where you write a brief description of yourself and what you’re looking for, this is very popular in fetish dating as it can stop time wasters and let everybody know exactly what you’re looking for, without the need to message or reach out.
Some sites allow you to leave ‘personals’ publically, allowing you to get as many eyeballs as you need so that hopefully, the right person for you gets in touch. Below I have left our favorite places to find and publish personals, this is sometimes an alternative to actually using dating sites as you try and get straight to the point with other users.
Reddit is a great place to try out, it is basically one big forum and there are plenty of kinky communities to check out, including these dedicated to personals:
- r/BDSMpersonals – Browse through the endless other personals submissions, get a feel for what others are posting and if you want, post your own. Write a vivid description of what you’re looking for, make sure to include your age, gender and preferences, and see what happens!
- r/femdompersonals – If female domination is your kink, this subreddit will make you very happy indeed. This is a place for femdom lovers who wish to place a ‘personal’ of themselves, either browse through people already seeking or place your own personal for whatever you desire. Just be sure to always follow the forum’s rules!
We also created a big list of all the bdsm Reddits, both dating and porn subreddits.
TheCage
I mentioned the cage earlier on in my list and I thought it would be a good idea to mention that it does in fact feature its own ‘personals’ page where members can post their desires and easily find other members looking for the same thing.
Tightcuffs
This is a site dedicated to just BDSM personnel where people from around the globe can post and find the right people. It is moderated, which does help limit spammers and time-wasters, however, they can sometimes still slip through. This is a great site to use if you want to keep things online and find a meaningful kinky connection.
KinkTalk:
This popular forum site also has its very own personals page, you can easily filter through the already posted submissions or make your very own, being as descriptive and detailed as you can. It’s an active page with lots of members willing to talk and help you out in your conquest.
MyBDSMPartner
This is a dating site however it’s less match-based and more, “check out my personals and message me if you like it”. It’s straight to the point, easy to use, and fun to explore and discover what everyone else is looking for in this magical kinky world of ours.
Find A Munch (BDSM Event/Meetup/Clubs)
A munch is a social meeting for all of those interested in BDSM and finding a munch is a great way to meet people and find someone who is looking for the same things as you. The most effective way to have success at a munch is to create a profile, be active, engaging, and descriptive and when you go to an event, you will be known to some members and not a complete stranger.
You can use Fetish.com, FetLife, google search, Eventbrite, local sex clubs, or bdsm dungeons to find these kinds of events. Most cities and towns will have bdsm meet-ups being organized right under your nose so make sure to look out for them.
Vanilla Sites That Work Well For Fetish Dating
Specialist BDSM sites aren’t just the only place you can find kinky individuals (and couples!) and although they are much fewer, there are some sites that do allow kink talk, and many people have found great kinky matches on these somewhat vanilla dating sites.
OKCupid (Great Results For BDSM Dating)
Although the dating site is for those looking for love, friendship, and commitment, you can also express your kink desires and find others doing the same. It isn’t a site just for us kinksters but it is allowed, so long as you aren’t too explicit and you keep things respectful.
Tinder
Make sure you detail in your profile what you’re looking for and be open to curiosity and horny hookups. If you’re honest and open, Tinder is a great place to find potential matches. Not everyone is on there looking for fetish dating so you may have to swipe for a little while but we are out there and Tinder is a great place to try out.
Bumble
Meet friends and partners on bumble, the interesting concept on this dating site is that women make the first move. Which is really exciting and seems to work very well for users. Now, bumble is for traditional dating however, kinksters are free to set up a profile and announce their interests for all to see. Many people have great experiences on bumble, just be yourself and be honest.
Feeld
Open-minded and inclusive, this dating site is for those looking to explore their curiosities, their desires, their kinks, and their most intimate thoughts. It’s a very open-minded platform where you can find all different kinds of people, singles, and couples who are on a journey of discovery and exploration.
Plenty Of Fish
A hugely popular dating platform where looking for love is made easy, profiles are filled with questions and detailed descriptions, giving other users the chance to really get to know you before making a move. This is where kinksters make sure to let everyone know what they’re looking for, that way it’s easy to find a like-minded individual who wants the same thing.
Quick Tips For These Vanilla Datings sites:
I wanted to give you some quick tips on using vanilla sites to explore your kinks and fetishes, as it can sometimes feel a little confusing if the site is not, especially for bdsm dating. You want to be able to show your kink without too much judgment. These are the best things you can do to find the right people:
- Put ‘Ask for my fetish profile’ in your bio.
- Use careful wording to avoid creeps.
- List your favorite movies with a few bdsm titles thrown in.
- Be subtle whilst also obvious: Looking for a guy/girl who likes to lead or Looking for someone who likes to follow.
- Vanilla is for ice cream. I know what I like…
- The open approach: Dom/Sub, looking for FLR (female-led relationship), Looking for MLR.
- Saying: Open to kinks and fetishes.
- Mention: Amateur kinksters welcome.
- Be cheeky: “Tell me your favorite kink mine’s…”
The BDSM Dating Site We Spend The Most Time On
We go from site to site, changing things up when we get a bit bored and finding new ones to explore every single day. We always come back round to our favorites and depending on what we feel like that day, depends on where we choose to hang out online.
However, we do have some favorite bdsm sites and I would say we spend the most time on Fetish.com, we love the user interface and have great results here, secondly, Alt has a nice community, it always has something new going on, and it’s full of kinksters, Adult friend finder is a great site for finding horny and kinky people, its useful for a lot of different kind of dating and finally, FetLife is great for quick gratification, online flirting and arousal. I think it’s important to also mention that Okcupid is also popular for us too, we just find it a tiny bit harder to get matches when we are in a hurry.
Did We Miss Any?
If we have missed your favorite bdsm dating site from our list, please let us know in the comments below and we will check it out. We love getting new recommendations and reviews from you all, we are constantly updating our lists and checking each site to ensure it remains to our standard and so we hope you have lots of fun on your journey.
